Shotgun was going to harbor that pain for a lifetime. To know that the one time he decided to step back and not force an issue like his gut had told him to, it was going to kill him. Possibly tear him to pieces if we weren’t careful.
I wanted to be angry at her for keeping Shotgun’s son from him for as long as she did. I wanted to be angrier that she knew she was in trouble and never asked him for help. She could have just admitted what she’d done and asked for help—fuck what the repercussions would be. Because now she’s not the one who has to face them.
Gage has to.
And Shotgun has to also.
But as I looked down at the now dozing baby boy settled across Shotgun’s chest, Gage with his fist in his mouth, his body rising and falling with each of Shotgun’s breaths, I knew I couldn’t be angry. There’s no way she wouldn’t have fought with every part of her being to protect this little boy. I knew that without even having spoken two words to her.
I knew that because I could feel the way Shotgun cared about her.
Because of the way Meyah spoke of her.
And I was going to make sure Gage knew it too.
SHOTGUN
Austin’s police cruiser crawled into the compound, creeping slowly toward me as I stood just inside the roller doors.
“Kennedy and Angel are gonna follow us in Kennedy’s SUV. Plenty of room in that thing, but if we need extra, Laken’s at Dynasty taking orders, but she said she can meet us if need be,” Repo rambled off, his arms folded across his chest as he joined me. “You think we should be expecting any surprises?”
My head shook back and forth. “Austin said the husband is in court all day, and as of tomorrow, they were doing the last sweep of the place for evidence before having it cleaned. We’re taking anything that belongs to the baby. Things that will help him settle in.”
“You know we got you on this, right?” Myth added, stepping up on my other side, a wall of my brothers joining him. Shake, Auron, Crush, Mix, and Kid all stepping in line.
My brothers.
My family.
Ready to go to war for me.
Ready to catch me if I fell.
“Yeah,” I murmured with a nod.
They held their space for a few more seconds before falling back and returning to their jobs. Our club was still growing, still finding its feet, but with the way business was booming and only growing bigger, we were expecting transfers from all over the country in the next few months.
Some young.
Some older.
A couple of new prospects.
Phoenix was growing, and so was the extra pressure on my shoulders to keep my shit together.
“You good?” Avery’s soft concern allowed my shoulders to settle just a little, sinking down to a more relaxed position. She was the calm in this fucking storm that had begun to swirl around me, pulling me one way and then the next, trying to rip me to shreds.
I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she stepped up beside me, her eyes on the police car, a sleeping Gage in her arms, and her body swaying from side to side, unconsciously rocking him. His round cheeks were slightly flushed, his lips suckling softly like he thought he still had a bottle in his mouth—something I’d learned in these past twenty-four hours with him was one thing I couldn’t get enough of.
I was entranced by it.
Though, I was still struggling.
It was fucking hard when I so desperately wanted to be the father my dad wasn’t. But at the same time, being so scared that it was ingrained in me to fuck it up. My father tainted me. He ruined me. Ruined a moment in my life where I should be proud and excited to raise my son, by destroying that part of me that understood what a father should be because all I ever experienced from mine was pain. Disappointment. Failure.
I hated my father for the shitty genes he passed on to me, and all I could think about was how Gage was going to hate me for passing them down to him too. I knew I never wanted to be that man. I fought fucking hard to be stronger than the hand I’d been dealt.
But how am I—a man who killed his own fucking father with so much hate and malice—going to act all fucking holier-than-thou. Like I’m so much better than that bastard when I didn’t even blink, squeezing the trigger.
I felt pressure piling on my shoulders.
The only thing stopping the weight of my fucking problems from forcing me six feet deep right now—Avery.
She had gotten up during the night and made bottles.
Fed Gage.
Rocked him back to sleep.
I watched her love him in a way I knew he needed, everything about her so pure and loving, while my fear refused to let me accept that I wasn’t going to fuck him up the moment I decided to take that role. Instead, I sat up with her, not about to let her do it on her own because I may have been paralyzed with fear, but I wasn’t a fucking bastard.
Avery was the only thing keeping me grounded. Not just by looking after Gage, but by calling me out on my shit and reminding me exactly what family was, right when I needed it.
“Meyah’s interviewing nannies. I told her I’d go help since we are gonna need the help. Too. when I’m at school and Empire,” she announced, taking a step forward before I reached out and caught the back of her shirt. She paused, looking back at me over her shoulder. “Get Gage’s things, bring them back so we can really start to make him feel at home.”
“One day…”
You’ll be mine.
There was something that flashed in her eyes. It was usually always the same—a look of fear. This time though, it looked different, the soft brown orbs looking like, for a second, they warmed. “We’ll see, Mr. President.”
I couldn’t help but watch the way her hips swayed as she crossed the compound to Shake and Meyah’s apartment, a hard honking that snapped me from my daydream, earning Austin a middle finger.
“Let’s go,” he called, slamming his palm against the horn again. “I’ve got bastards to arrest, and if you don’t fucking move, I’ll make one of them you.”
“I’d like to see you try, pretty boy!”
The bright yellow crime-scene tape across the front door had me pausing while Austin just powered straight through it, tearing it down and tossing it to the side before jamming the key into the lock. He had to jiggle the key a little before he finally managed to twist then push the dirty white door open.
The apartment was older, not run down, but could have done with a little bit of work.
My lip curled as I stepped inside.
Austin urged me to go first with a nod of his head. “Try not to touch anything that you don’t need to,” he warned, falling into step behind me. “Technically, some shit hasn’t been bagged yet, and if I miss out on nailing this motherfucker because you got handsy… I’ll be fucking furious.”
I ignored him, pausing as the hallway opened into a small open-plan living area. There was a tiny, square, four-seater table pressed into the corner, looking like they were trying to make more space for the handful of baby toys spread across the tatty floor.
There was a bouncer and a little play gym with bright animals. Along with them was a spread of balls, blocks, and soft toys I knew he was still far too young to be playing with.
I could practically see her sitting with Gage, shaking the bright green monkey above him as he kicked his feet and giggled. It was the little things that showed just how loved he was. But that also had my stomach twisting and my feet eager to get the fuck out of there.