My eyes widen. He’s my Ian.
Subconsciously I’ve always known. Maybe I even played into the role of Beck when I agreed to go out with him the first time. The biggest difference is that the character I wrote Ian to be was compassionate enough to let Beck be with the man she really loved. That kind of response is fictional—a fantasy that we want to believe in, so our actions make us less like a bad guy and more humane.
But I was the bad guy to Parker. From the day I met him at Jamie’s office when I was seventeen, our fate was sealed. Whether I admitted it or not, I chose somebody other than him no matter how hard I tried making it work. He was simply the man I settled with to lessen the likelihood of getting hurt again. And while I loved Parker Jennings in a lot of ways, I loved Corbin Callum more.
To my surprise, Gavin’s voice isn’t as jagged when he speaks again. “It’s been years, Kinley. You can’t honestly tell me that you’re not over him.”
“Maybe I’m not supposed to be.”
“He moved on,” he points out gingerly.
My lips tremble. “But did he?”
He sighs heavily, grumbling under his breath. “I saw this coming from a mile away, but you’re too stubborn to listen. Why do you put yourself in these situations?”
I rub the side of my face, feeling a headache form in my temples. “Please don’t do this right now.”
“Then what am I supposed to say?” he doubts, irritation evident in his words.
“That it’ll be okay.”
“Someday,” he agrees. “Someday people can move on from this, but you’re a public figure. How many times have you told me that since you started making a name for yourself? Since you got a fanbase? People watch what you do, and they definitely watch him. The two of you…” A string of curse words flies from his mouth. “The two of you doing something as stupid as rekindling some flame that died years ago was reckless. What did you think would happen?”
The burn in my chest intensifies. My hand goes to my stomach. “I don’t know. I guess we were trapped in our own little world for a while.”
“I love you, Kin.” His sincerity gives me a little hope, but I know it’s only a microscopic step for us. “I just wish you would have listened to me back then so this could have been avoided.”
“I wouldn’t even be here,” I remind him, knowing damn well that he realizes who the book is about. He told me not to bother giving Jamie the story when I admitted how much of my past was tied to the plot. Mom told him it’d be good for me to get my feelings on paper, but I don’t think she realized how far I’d take it. Jamie encouraged me to write a story worth telling, and I bled my soul onto each page of inked paper for the world to pick apart.
Pulling the plug on the movie would have been easier, but I don’t think it would have been worth it. I know having a production as big as this one connected to my name will increase the sales and be the best thing that’s happened to me. But I also know that it can ruin me in a heartbeat since I became the epitome of Beck.
I’m my own puppeteer pulling the strings.
And I got tangled.
I bite on my jagged nail, remembering something that Corbin told me a while ago. “Hey, Gavin? Did you and Corbin ever talk one on one? Like maybe after he left?”
The chances of him answering are slim since he probably doesn’t want to discuss Corbin any more than I do. But I held off asking when Corbin insisted because I was afraid of what he’d say. I pretended like I didn’t care when it secretly ate at the back of my mind. I wanted to live in a fantasy world with Corbin without our bubble popping. But now? It imploded.
“What did he tell you?” he asks distantly.
I blink. “To ask you.” When Gavin doesn’t say anything, I begin to sweat. “Gavin, what happened? He said he went back to Lincoln to talk to me, but nobody said anything to me about it. Wouldn’t I know?”
I hold my breath as my brother cusses again, leaving prickles of worry needling the back of my head. “I was just looking out for you.”
“What?” I swallow, feeling the possibilities dredge me with fear.
“He’d been gone for a few months and there was some shit online about him being with one of his co-stars during some promotional tour for that movie you got him in,” he begins reluctantly. “Honestly, the pictures seemed pretty believable. Christ, he was holding her hand in one! It pissed me off, okay? When I saw him at the gas station I lashed out. He had no right coming back when he made a big deal out of leaving everything behind.”
“He came back,” I repeat.
It’s not a question.
He came back.
He murmurs, “Yeah. He did.”
I shake my head at this information. Corbin told me as much already, but I wasn’t sure I believed him. When he made it sound like everyone in Lincoln knew about it, I thought it was pettiness talking. He made it seem like they chose me over him.
“What did you do?”
“Listen—”
“What the hell did you do, Gavin?” I growl, sitting straighter. Penny jumps off the desk and scurries from the room, and probably for the better.
“I hit him, okay?”
I draw back.
He doesn’t stop there. “He said he wanted to talk to you and asked if you were home. It was one of the few days you weren’t locked in your room on your fucking laptop typing your goddamn memoir all about the asshole. Mom had texted me saying you’d gone with Zach to some event out of town, and I didn’t want Corbin messing that up. I knew if he found out where you were, you’d just forgive him and pretend you’ve been fine since he left.”
My eye twitches. “What. Did. You. Do?”
He blasts, “For fucks sake. I told him that it was too late for him because you were with Zach. Are you happy now?”
My lips part as I suck in a sharp breath and hold it. I try making excuses, like I misheard him somehow. Yet, I know better. I heard him just fine, and a new form of hurt plows into me.
Nostrils flaring, I grip the phone until my fingers hurt. “How could you do that to me? You knew how much I loved him! You said—”
“I was looking out for you!”
“You’re such a fucking asshole!” I yell, standing up and tossing the box of posters off the desk until they scatter across my office floor. “I cannot believe you’d do something so selfish. Just because you got hurt by Aimee doesn’t mean everyone else’s relationship is doomed!”
“That’s not fair.”
A dry laugh bursts from my lips. “What isn’t fair is you deciding what’s best for me. Do you know that we could have had a chance if you didn’t meddle? You probably don’t even care that you screwed everything up, do you?”
“No, okay? I don’t feel bad.”
I throw my free hand up. “I don’t even want to talk to you right now. You have no idea what you did.”
“What I did? I helped—”
“I’m pregnant, Gavin.”
Complete silence.
Sniffing back big, fat ugly tears, I force myself to add, “You’re no different than him, you know. Why do you guys think it’s okay to make choices for other people? I’ve always had a right to decide what’s best for me, and you took that away until I crumbled. Big brothers aren’t supposed to do that.”