“I’m sorry this is so hard for you,” Jak said softly, and the compassion in his gaze nearly broke her. She’d rather have him relentlessly teasing her.
Impatiently wiping at the tears that had fallen despite her best efforts, she shook her head. “It’s not so hard, really. There are many people in the world who have much worse problems than I do—and without the gifts I’m blessed with.”
He nodded, then cocked his head thoughtfully. “You touch Astar all the time—why is he different?”
She shrugged helplessly. “I’m not sure. Maybe because we shared a womb? Touching his hand is like holding my own.”
“So, a matter of familiarity and trust, perhaps.”
Sighing in exasperation, she shook her head. “I don’t know. Nobody knows. I just… I have to accept there are certain realities about who I am.” Firming her resolve, she met his gaze. “You have to accept that, too, Jak. No matter how much I want you, that’s something that can never happen.”
His smile lit his face, dimples winking like stars. “You do want me!”
“There were two parts to that sentence,” she said, bitterly regretting that slip, “and you pounced on entirely the wrong half.”
Undaunted, he continued to grin at her. “Not from where I’m sitting.” He glanced ruefully at his lap. “Though, admittedly, that welcome news did not help with my current problem.”
Her face heated at the reminder. “It’s just the residual effects of the healing.”
He sobered, giving her a long and serious look. “It’s you, my star. It’s always you.”
Shifting uncomfortably, she wondered if she should offer to help him. His discomfort was a palpable tension. Other people’s pain always distressed her, and only the reality that she’d kill herself helping everyone kept her from trying. She cleared her throat. “You could, ah, take care of it. I’ll look away, cover my ears.”
He regarded her with smoldering intensity. “Would that make a difference? I mean, you sense everything even with your eyes closed and ears covered.”
It was true. “I can make an effort to… not pay attention.” For some reason, she couldn’t look away from his intent dark gaze.
“What if I want you to watch?” he purred. “This is something we can do that isn’t touching.” He tossed the dagger aside and put his hand under the draping concealment of his shirt and the ruined pants, clearly grasping himself. Holding her gaze, he stroked upward, his face going tight with need.
The heat in her face poured down her throat, scalding over her breast. “Jak…”
“Am I embarrassing you?” he asked, never taking his gaze from her face. “Or is this arousing?”
Definitely arousing. And here she hadn’t thought of herself as a sexual person. She was practically melting into the seat, her cloak suddenly much too warm. But she pulled it tighter around herself.
“Stella, my star.” Jak stroked himself again. She couldn’t look away, utterly riveted. “Do you want to see?”
Mutely, she nodded. A distant part of herself stood back, shocked and appalled—certain she was opening the door to a world of problems—but in the moment, she did want this. She wanted to see him, more than she’d ever wanted anything.
Moving slowly, Jak pushed aside the draping pants, leaving only the thin shirt barely concealing his upright cock, firmly gripped in one hand. The head of it pressed against the white fabric, dark with blood and need. He spread his legs, giving her a teasing glimpse of his scrotum, then toyed with the hem of his shirt with his other hand. His arousal filled the carriage like woodsmoke, thick and richly scented. Rapt, she watched as he slowly drew up the shirt, revealing bit by bit his thickly veined cock, the head of it a deep rose, glistening and enticing, his scrotum drawn up tight beneath.
It was surprisingly beautiful. And, yes, quite large. Disconcertingly so.
Her gaze flew up to find his still intent on her. He breathed a laugh, a half smile on his lips. “I have to know what you’re thinking. It’s only fair, since I’m an open book to you.”
Licking her dry lips, she didn’t really have any coherent thoughts. She wanted to be on her knees again, to take him in her mouth, to trace those veins with the tip of her tongue. She chewed on her lip to stop those reckless thoughts.
“Danu,” Jak swore lightly, his voice rough. “The way you’re looking at me. I’m not going to last.”
“Don’t last.” She dropped her gaze. “Show me everything.”
With a groan, he stroked upward, his hips following the movement, his shirt riding high in his grip, showing off those gorgeous abs. His movements grew faster, jerking harder, much harder than she imagined would be comfortable, his grip tight, expression fierce.
In another moment, it was over. Jak threw back his head, teeth clenched, throat working to swallow the growls of incoherent desire. His whole body convulsed, his hips lifting as his seed shot in a stream that he caught in his bunched-up shirt. While he was preoccupied, Stella squirmed, the liquid need slick between her own thighs. She wished he would touch her there.
If only.
Jak breathed a hoarse laugh, staring up at the ceiling of the carriage, still holding his softening cock and using his shirt to wipe up the mess. His body had gone languid, as tempting in the aftermath as in the peak of his need. “I’m going to have to just change clothes entirely,” he observed. Then he sat up, finishing the cleanup, eyeing her as he did. “How are you doing over there?”
“Fine,” she answered, after taking a moment to find her voice.
“Fine,” he echoed musingly. “Have I frightened you off forever?”
“You are very large,” she replied bluntly.
He paused, clearly taken aback, then laughed, shaking his head. “Only you could make that sound like a bad thing.”
“It’s not,” she hastened to assure him. She hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings. She was simply not processing what had happened very well yet. “It’s beautiful. I mean, you are, all of you. I liked… all of it.”
He tugged his shirt back down, far more relaxed now, considering her, a half smile on his lips. “Did you? Total honesty.”
“Yes.” She searched for more to say. “I felt your ecstasy with you. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced.”
“Huh.” He mulled that over, his smile tipping into a wicked slant. “I confess that’s one of the hottest things I’ve ever done. Especially without touching anyone.”
“I’m glad,” she said softly. Now that the moment was over, reality was setting in—and she was finding it difficult to believe she’d just done this. “I do wish you happy, Jak. I want you to know that.”
He frowned. “Why does that sound like a goodbye?”
“Because we can’t be together,” she replied with considerable exasperation. The man did not listen.
“We just were,” he pointed out stubbornly. “We are. We can be, just like this.”
“What, me watching you?”
“I’d be delighted to watch you.” His smile had gone entirely wicked. “I’ll watch you now. Slip your hand into those unfairly tight pants and touch yourself.”