“Who knows,” Angie said. “Boys are strange. I’ve never understood them.”
She’d been on three dates in the last month. None of them made it to the second one, for the most ridiculous reasons like one breathing too heavy during a movie.
None of it explained Hudson. He pursued me. He made it clear from almost the beginning he wanted more than friends. So what was that final step going to take?
And why was I waiting for him to take it?
“What is your family doing tomorrow?” I asked, changing the subject. We spent way too much time talking about boy problems.
“We all help out with the meal, even Josiah comes out of his cave and then we spend the day cooking and baking.”
I switched my feet propped on the coffee table to paint the other one. “Sounds like a relaxing day.”
“It’s one of the few days of the year none of us have to work, so we enjoy it. But hey, if things go tits up with Hudson tomorrow, you’re welcome to come to our place.”
“Thanks.” I laughed and uncapped the nail polish bottle. While I began painting, I said, “I’ll keep that in mind. You’re a good friend, Angie.”
I had a real friend for the first time in years. And I’d chosen wisely.
“Listen, I know I said I wouldn’t and you dropped it, but if you ever want me to talk to your brother, I will, you know.”
“Yeah?” Hope lightened her voice.
“Yeah. I still don’t think you can change him unless he wants it, but maybe it’s not too late. And more people trying to help isn’t a bad thing.”
I wished Josh would have had that, people who gave a damn about him.
“Thanks, Lilly. You’re pretty great too. So, tomorrow… you okay now?”
Still reeling from the revelation of the fact I had a good friend, all the other things I was thankful for fell like dominos.
It’d been a long time since I had anything good to smile about but this year, I had a lot. People in my life who believed in me.
People who were giving me a chance.
I was one semester from a degree, mostly likely a job lined up and a future on the horizon that finally wasn’t dark and aimless.
And I had Hudson, a man I was falling in love with. A man who was slowly chipping away the cement blocks I stacked around my heart seven years ago to protect myself. He went at them slowly, carefully, chipped away at mortar and grout to carefully remove each block. He hadn’t just pummeled his way in, he worked at it. I loved him for his compassion and care maybe most of all.
“I’ll be good. Great even, maybe.”
Angie laughed through the phone. “You’ll be fine. But call if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks again.”
“Any time. That’s what friends are for.”
She hung up and I pulled the phone away from my ear, smiling at the black screen. That’s what friends are for.
Yeah. I had a lot. And maybe I could have more. I finally had the chance and freedoms to go after what I wanted. Hadn’t I had enough taken from me?
“So go get him and tell him,” I muttered to the blank television screen directly across from me.
He had to be home by now. It was ten o’clock and he rarely stayed at David’s too late. I doubted it being the night before Thanksgiving would change that.
Was I brave enough to reach for what I wanted? To make the first move?
It took me another thirty minutes of debating before I went to my bedroom and undressed out of the lounge clothes I’d put on earlier. Instead, I pulled on the same pajama pants I’d worn up to Hudson’s last week, another simple T-shirt and a long, black cardigan sweater. I could have taken a few more minutes to spruce things up, maybe swipe on a little makeup or brush my hair, but I wanted him.
And if sleep was all he could still give me, I’d take it.
I was tired of being alone. Of waiting for Hudson to decide the pace we went.
Perhaps he just needed a little push in the right direction.
There was a heaviness deep in my stomach that spread to parts of my body I never knew could feel so needy for something more than sleep.
Once I was in the elevator and the button to his floor was pressed, I tugged on my robe, tightening and untying and retying it at my waist. My reflection in the mirrored doors was a blurred mess of wild hair and glassy eyes and flushed cheeks.
Like I’d run three miles. I was panting almost as heavily.
Before I could lose my nerve, I knocked on his door, fingers playing with my key in my robe pocket, fumbling at the knot of my waist.
He answered the door, hair as equally disheveled as mine, dressed only in pajama pants and no shirt.
“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
“No.” I shook my head. My heart rate thumped a frantic rhythm. As I said it, Hudson’s eyes shot wide open and he opened his mouth to speak but before he could, I cut him off in a rush to get it all out.
I placed my hand on his bare chest, over his heart. “I want you. I know there’s something holding you back, but I don’t care. Because I think you want me too.”
“Lilly.” He covered my hand at his chest, where beneath my palm his own beat raced like thoroughbreds around the track.
I thought he was going to move me away, push me out the door.
Instead, he yanked me forward, slammed the door behind me and before I’d found my footing, his lips crushed into mine. He kissed me harshly, taking entrance to my mouth almost immediately and I gave it, tasting alcohol on his tongue and inhaling the scent of it before he yanked back.
“This is a bad idea.”
I dug fingers into his hair. “I don’t care. I want this. You.”
He pressed his forehead to mine, eyes peering down at me. Indecision warred in his expression, and I caught the exact moment he broke. The exact moment he closed his eyes and a breath left him in such a rush, his entire body shook from me.
“Forgive me,” he muttered right before he pressed his lips to mine again.
I was given no time to ask what he meant because he moved his arms and I was in the air, kissing him, held like a bride and carried down the hall.
I’d been in his bedroom over the last several weeks. I’d slept in it. I knew the mirror would catch our reflection and I knew he needed blinds to block out the early morning sun.
I knew his bed was bigger than mine and when he pressed a knee to it and sank into the softness, I most definitely knew this would be a night I would never forget.
He didn’t let me go until my head rested on pillows and he’d yanked down the comforter and sheets, settling me on the mattress like the world’s most breakable treasure.
My hands stayed on his cheeks, that strong jaw covered with scruff as he kissed me softly, tenderly. He stroked every single flame I carried inside my body and many more I never knew I possessed.
He brought this out of me, this wild need I never understood even when I tried to learn from romance books.
“You can tell me to stop at any time,” he muttered, leaving my mouth to find my jaw, my throat, that tiny place behind my ear that made my hips press against him.
Even with my trembling hands alight with nerves and need as I ran them down his back, there was no way I was stopping this.
“I won’t.”
He glanced at me, hair a mess, onyx eyes setting me on fire with the mixture of desire and conflict swirling in them.