“Fine.”
“Do you feel me? Do you understand why this fuckin’ guts me?”
“I do.” I blinked back the threatening tears.
“Got all the love in the world for you, Joelle. Really fucking do.”
“I know. Same.” I sniffed, but held my expression hard. “I’m fine on my own with this, Bray. You’re off the hook.”
He looked at me with pain in his eyes. “Be smart.”
I nodded.
“No hairbrained schemes. You made shit real clear with him tonight. The way your eyes were on him. Ride noticed and didn’t fuckin’ like it. So beware of that. He may warn Fork off you. I know you danced like that to catch his attention too. Just glad Spence wasn’t payin’ attention to who you put that show on for and real glad D wasn’t here tonight. He and Jess’re outta town otherwise things would’ve gotten even uglier after that dancefloor shit.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’ve made your point.”
“My point is, you more than let Fork know you were interested tonight. The next move is up to him. If he doesn’t make it, don’t bother. And if he does make it, keep your eyes open.”
“Are you done?” I snapped.
“Don’t want you mad at me, Jojo; just tellin’ you all this cuz I give a shit about you. If you chase and chase, you’ll find yourself gettin’ a big helping of dick and not a fuckin’ call back afterwards, you hear me?”
I folded my arms across my chest and said nothing.
“Can I get a hug?” he asked.
“No,” I snapped.
His expression fell.
I immediately regretted my snap and threw myself at him and gave him a huge hug. He lifted me off the floor and buried his face in my hair.
“Want you happy, darlin’. Swear to fuck, I do.”
“I know. Sorry I snapped. You’re the best, Bray. My favorite. If it doesn’t work out with him, how long do I have to wait until you’ll have me for yourself?”
“Almost six years. Way too fuckin’ long,” he grumbled and set me on my feet.
“You’re not gonna be single that long,” I told him with a pout.
“Gotta say, gettin’ tired of the single life. Brothers are pairin’ up and it’s lookin’ good to me.”
“Well, if you need my help with any hairbrained schemes to get your Hlökk, you just let me know. I will absolutely let you drag me into any schemes. Any schemes at all.”
He looked at me with remorse.
I raised my hand. “I get it. I ran you through the mill with Luke. You’re off the hook this time. But, just sayin’, you pick the wrong girl to be your Mrs. Warrior Cuddle Bear and I get veto power.”
“Absofuckinglutely. I wouldn’t marry a girl unless my best girl approved of her. Love you to bits, Joelle.”
“Ditto, Brady. Let’s go get drunk.” I rounded his big frame, hopped on his back and he piggybacked me back to the table.
We got back in time to see Fork gearing up to leave. And I wasn’t surprised about it, either.
“You headin’ out?” Brady asked, doing a knee bend so I could get off his back.
“Yeah, man. Call ‘o the booty.” He wiggled his cell phone and his eyebrows and then shoved his phone into the inside pocket of his cut and gave a two-finger wave to the room at large, eyes not remotely coming close to me.
Good, because I was sure my face wasn’t hiding what I was currently feeling.
“Bye Christoff,” Ella said with venom.
“Night Lezzybelle.” He smirked and purposely walked by her so he could mess up her hair with his hand before he headed out the door.
Bile rose in my throat as Ella growled at him. I downed the rest of my Jack n’ Coke.
The band was back and launching into Stupid Me by Magic!
How poetic.
“Be back,” I said to Brady without looking at him because I could just imagine what sort of look would be on his face. I headed for the bathroom, but kept going through the alcove to go up the back stairs after tapping the security panel with my key fob.
I was done with tonight. I needed my dark room, cuddles from my cat, and to close my eyes. The back staircase was put in for emergencies after the remodel when the Wyld Jackals tried to burn most of my family to death. The upper floor got remodeled and this added staircase meant I didn’t have to walk out front and see anyone to get up to my room. I emerged from that staircase beside the smaller lounge, walked past the laundry room, past the bathrooms and got into the hall in time to see him. Christian. He’d come in the regular way, obviously, was going into his room. Alone. With a bottle of something. A big bottle of something.
He had his key ready to go into the door when he saw me. I walked down the long hall in a walk that felt something like shame and something like hope. Unless that booty call was on her way? Didn’t look like it. He was going into an empty bedroom with one bottle, zero drinking glasses. Not two. Zero. Did that maybe suggest he was going to drink his sorrows away alone? What sorrows, though?
“Christian,” I said softly as I passed him. He was still standing there with his key in the air, not quite to the lock, eyes aimed at me.
The hallway was dim, there was noise down in the bigger lounge, but not a lot of it so the place wasn’t packed up here tonight.
It felt like an important moment here in the hallway for us as I put my key into my lock and turned it. Before reaching for the doorknob, I looked at him. He still hadn’t gone into his room and his eyes were still on me. Hope flared.
A tiny blur of white bounded past me and my kitty was weaving around his ankles in figure eights, waiting to get into his room.
He looked down at her.
“I’ll get her.” I left my key in the lock and walked the six or eight feet separating our doors and squatted to lift my cat off his boot. She had plopped her little rump on it and looked at me like she didn’t want to be moved.
“You get to sleep with me, tonight, Marshie,” I told her and nuzzled her face.
“Meowww,” she said like she had a problem with it.
“Sorry, pretty baby. I feel ya.” I muttered for him more than her and stood up and looked straight into his eyes. His hard eyes. Ouch.
That was my cue to walk back to my door. He was standing there still and now his arms were crossed over his chest.
I looked at him with a sad smile. “Maybe I’ll offer to buy you a beer again some other time,” I said, opened the door and took a step forward.
“Jojo.”
Hearing my name in his voice for the very first time did something weird to me. Something profound. I backed up and looked at his face and my eyes were hopeful. Definitely hopeful. Was he going to invite me into his room to have a drink with him?
“Don’t bother,” he said. And then he turned his doorknob, went inside, then slammed his door.
4
I’ve gone to bed. Goodnight.
This was the reply I sent to Brady. I copied it and pasted it to Ella who had messaged me to ask me where I got to. I then sent it to Lulu, too, who had also messaged me to ask if I’d fallen in. I assumed she was talking about the toilet. I felt like I had fallen in --- into a pile of shit.
I was in my bed, my little cat lying on me, and my TV on the aquarium channel, which was the norm for me as I found it soothing to watch as I fell asleep. I discovered that if I left it on and stared at the screen it often stopped me from going over things in my head on a loop that I had no power to fix or change. I closed my message string to Lulu and then I scrolled and scrolled until I got to the oldest message string on my phone.