Di: Do I even want to know? And will Kent kill me for helping you?
Me: No. And yes.
Di: Shit, OK. I mean, it’s only paint. We can paint over whatever we do.
Me: True…
Di: Please tell me we can paint over it.
Me: Possibly.
Di: Clark!
Me: Di!
Di: I hate you sometimes.
Me: No you don’t. You love me! (heart emoji) (angel emoji)
Di: Whatever (devil emoji). Give me two hours.
Me: Oh, and bring one of those projector thingies.
Di: Overhead projector?
Me: That’d be the one.
Di: You owe me!
Me: You love me!
Di: (eye-rolling emoji)
I put my phone back in my pocket. I look around and contemplate what we should do for two hours.
“Let’s eat, and then we need to christen my childhood room,” I announce as I take Megan’s hand. I grab our burgers and set us up on the deck.
“Christen your room?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. She takes a bite of her burger and groans. “This burger is so good.”
I lean forward. “If you keep making noises like that, we’re going to be christening this deck too.”
She giggles and wipes her mouth. “Why your room? I mean, why now?”
I shrug as I eat my burger. “You have no idea that I used to masturbate while spying on you all through high school. I don’t know if spying is actually the right word. I would glance over to see if you were home. There were so many times I’d turn on my walkie-talkie and start to say something and then turn it off. Then, you started changing with the blinds open at night. It was total spank-vision. My spank-bank is still filled with visions of you taking your bra off and pulling down your pants.”
“Clark!” Megan says aghast as she slaps my arm. “Ew! Seriously! I thought one stalker was enough!” But she also blushes.
I roll my eyes and groan. “It wasn’t creepy like that. I just…missed you, but then you had to grow those,” I say as I eye her perfect tits. “And, I am only human after all. What about you? Did you watch me?”
She glares at me. “Boy human.” Her face turns pink as she processes my last question.
“Did you?”
“Fine, yes. I watched you too.”
Shrugging, I finish my burger. “Interesting. Also, I’m very much a boy human. But,” I say grabbing her hand and placing it on my growing erection, “I’d say more of a man human, wouldn’t you?” I raise an eyebrow.
I can tell she’s trying to keep her glare on point, but the corners of her mouth twitch and she shakes her head. “You’re impossible, you know that?”
“Come on, we have important adult things to do,” I state as I let her take the last bite of her burger before hauling her up and over my shoulder.
“Clark!” she squeaks as I slap her ass and carry her up to my room. Time to fulfill my childhood fantasies.
Megan
Di and I both stare at Clark. After two rounds of sex, Di arrived and now we’re down in the family room as Clark explains his brilliant idea.
“You want to do what?” Di asks with her hands on her hips as she looks at the wall and back at Clark.
“I want to paint a giant tree on it and then hang all our photos off of it like apples on trees. I was thinking you could bring that teacher thing and project a tree onto the wall,” he explains.
“Why? And it’s called an overhead projector, jackass. We’ve been over this,” she says.
“Right. Come on, it’ll be fun! Plus, we can all do handprints with initials on the tree trunk,” he says. “Mom loves shit like that. It’ll be cool and unique. Like a professional mural!”
Di shrugs. “We need to call in the troops…and Kent will have to add his flair later. Hold on.”
Di pulls out her phone and sends a text. “OK, team Moore will arrive shortly. Let’s try drawing it on the wall first and then we can figure it out from there.”
I hold a ladder and Di starts sketching. By the time the rest of the Moores arrive, the tree is taking up the entire wall.
“Uh, that’s huge!” Lanie says from the doorway.
“That’s what she said!” Ash yells.
I start laughing.
Brixton places a hand over Ash’s mouth. “He didn’t learn that from us.”
“Right, like my nephew learned that from anyone but his parents,” Kylie says as she walks into the room with Levi in tow.
“Learn what?” Levi asks.
“That’s what she said,” Ash mumbles.
“Oh…uh, sure,” Levi replies as he looks at Kylie for help. Kylie just giggles and shrugs.
“Party can start,” Garrett says as he walks in with Vera and Tabby.
“Hold on, I’m FaceTiming Kent,” Tabby says as she pulls out her phone and starts dialing.
“OK, got him. Hold on. I’m turning it around, chillax,” she says as she holds up the phone.
“I can’t see anything,” Kent yells from the phone.
“It’s a giant-ass tree and we are going to paint it and then hang the photos like pieces of fruit,” Di explains.
“Wait! I have an idea,” Lanie says as she whips out her phone. “Yes! OK, I ordered us frames that look like apples. They will be here…on Monday.”
“OK, guess we’re going with this,” Kent says.
“Oh, come on,” Clark says. “Everything is modern, but Mom and Dad are fun. We need something personal and fun and this is cool.”
Kent shrugs. “Fine. I’ll check it out next week before they come home. But if it sucks, we are painting over it.”
“And if it doesn’t?” Clark asks.
“Then, yay you,” Kent says. “I gotta run.”
“Vera, wave bye-bye to Daddy!” Tabby says to her daughter who is playing peekaboo with Garrett.
“Bye, Vera-wera! Daddy loves you!” Kent calls out before Tabby disconnects.
Tabby turns to me. “And now for the elephant in the room. How are you? Is everything OK?”
I laugh and shrug. “I’m OK. Doing better. Thanks for asking.”
Tabby gives me a hug and then all of a sudden, I’m surrounded by Moores hugging me.
“Thanks, guys,” I say.
“No one fucks with the Moore clan,” Clark says.
“Damn skippy,” Di replies. “OK, let’s get our artistic creativeness on!”
Everyone steps back from me, except Clark who wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Let’s show them how teamwork is done, bunny,” he whispers to me.
I nod and he leans down and plants a quick kiss on my lips.
“Ewww!” Ash says. “Uncle C-Dog, that’s gross.”
Clark chuckles and holds out his hands. “You’re right! Now I have cooties!” He takes off running toward Ash, who squeals and jets out of the room.
Lanie walks over to me. “You sure you want to date that?”
Giggling, I nod. “Yes, very much so.”
She shakes her head. “I can only take responsibility for the good parts.”
“Whatever, we all know that I’m responsible for any charm he has,” Kylie says with a huff as she starts painting leaves.