“Violet.” Susanna’s voice has gone sad.
“I know. Onward and upwards.”
“That’s right. One step at a time and I’m here for you, every step of the way. You promised me the other night that we wouldn’t let anything come between us again and I’m tellin’ you, sister, I won’t let it even if you do. I’m not ever sitting back and saying nothing again. Okay, you gotta go. Call me tonight afterwards,” Susanna requests. “Let me know what happened. Okay?”
“Okay,” I say.
“Love you, girlie. I have a very good feeling your Ray days are over.”
“I hope.”
“Believe it, Violet. He’s done screwing with you. He was done when you told me you needed my help because I am determined to help you and he’s more than done now, because you’ve got tall, dark, rich, powerful, and gorgeous on your side and it looks like your ex man is afraid of him, so… yeah. You’re on the other side of this.”
“I hope so,” I breathe, hooking my handbag over the hook inside my cubicle.
Cammy is still smiling at me and my eyes are filled with wet. I do my best to hide it.
She notices and flinches, looking concerned.
“And best of all, I got to zap that motherfucker and fuck did it feel good to watch him hit the floor and do the funky chicken for a minute.”
Laughter bursts from me.
From Susanna too.
We laugh for a solid half a minute before she adds, still laughing, “Should’ve seen him. I don’t know how you could turn away and not watch that. You’re too pure for this world, bestie.”
“I love you,” I say, dashing tears off my cheeks. Tears that were very nearly spilling out of sadness are spilling with laughter instead. That’s what a best friend does for you. They turn the sad tears into laughing tears.
More than one set of eyes are on me with curiosity, so I sit down in my cube for a bit of privacy, trying to get my coat off with my free hand.
Cammy sits back down. I’m sure she’s all ears though.
“Call me,” Susanna orders. “If I don’t hear from you, I’ll know you’re getting a little something… or, hoping – a lotta something from Killian Coulter.”
“I’ll definitely be calling you.”
I end the call with a smile. If only she knew just how interesting things had gotten the night before.
But I won’t talk about that. It’s not like Killian meant to do that grinding against me thing, or pulling me against his body and nearly getting into my pajama pants. And I don’t want to say anything to anybody, even Susanna, because it feels like it’d be a betrayal of sorts.
And I don’t know enough about Killian to know if he deserves that kind of loyalty from me, but he’s done nothing but nice things for me so far, even if the whole thing is really weird and could be construed as me being held hostage. If it were that much of a hostage situation, wouldn’t he have taken Susanna, too, knowing she knows who he is?
I shake that thought off as I turn my computer on and sip my coffee. Best coffee I’ve had in a long, long time.
Weird that he had that creamer I love in his fridge, though. He didn’t use it that morning in my apartment. Maybe he has a girlfriend who also likes it.
“Nice to hear laughter from those lips,” Cammy greets, popping her head up from her cubicle once again. “It’s been a while, girlie.”
“I like your hair,” I say.
She’s had it cut. Cammy is from Guyana and her typically long black hair is usually tied in a ponytail. It’s now shoulder length with all sorts of flippy layers.
“I like it a lot,” I add.
“Thanks,” she says flipping it dramatically. “I do, too. It cost me a fortune and I might’ve given myself a disease with the product they used, but it feels great. Anyway, it’s been too long since I’ve heard laughter or seen smiles from you.” She points at me.
I shrug. “Yeah. Life’s like that sometimes.”
“Debs texted me. Says you showed up with a hottie she knows. A rich, powerful, dangerous hottie. You gonna spill some beans?”
That didn’t take long.
It took less than five minutes, in fact.
“Nope,” I say with confidence I haven’t felt in a long time. “Not yet.”
Her eyes go round.
“He just gave me a ride,” I add, feeling some of the wind come out of my sails because what am I doing, acting like there might be something? There’s not.
“He did, did he?” She wiggles her eyebrows dramatically.
I shake my head. “Potty brain.”
“Is it gonna be something spill-worthy?”
I shrug. “Not likely.”
“Okay, okay. I’m watching, though. I wanna see more of these smiles on your face, lady. Hear more laughing. I really do.”
Me, too.
“Been worried about you,” she says with a straight, serious face.
I do my best to not show any expression but inside I feel like I’m about to cry.
I would call us coworkers rather than friends, but we’ve worked side-by-side for four years. She knew me before Ray. Since that’s the case, she obviously knows how I used to be.
I can barely recall how I used to be.
If she’s paid attention, and it seems like she has, she’s watched me wither like a dying flower.
“You wanna come to lunch with me ‘n Debs today?” Cammy asks.
I ponder it a minute.
She looks hopeful.
“Actually, sure.”
I know they want the dirt on Killian, but I don’t have to give it to them. Not that I have any dirt…not really. Going out for lunch with coworkers is something I haven’t done in a long time. Not only because I never wanted to (or couldn’t) spend any money, also because I was just in that… funk. Wanting to just coast under the radar with everyone.
Debbie isn’t a coworker, but she’s in the building and part of a larger clutch of girls that go out together often. She and Cammy do lunch daily and a bunch of them tend to go out on payday week Fridays together after work. Maybe part of getting myself back will be making some friends again.
Though, really, having Susanna in my life again – that’s more than enough after such a long time of having nobody.
I’m feeling light on my feet suddenly. I dig into my day feeling confident that for two weeks, Ray won’t bother me. It’ll be like a Ray detox. And I already feel like I thrived after just one week without him while he was in Atlantic City.
Another two weeks? Bliss. Who knows what’ll happen after that, though?
But, maybe, with the detox, whatever happens, I’ll be more readily able to get through it.
For now, I feel like living. I feel like not only do I want it, but I also need it. Living just a little.
***
Lunch with Cammy and Debbie starts off fun. They call one another Cams and Debs and they have me laughing as we walk across the street to a food court in the bottom of an office building together. They’ve claimed me, one on either side of me, linking arms with me. Immediately after we sit down with our food trays, they launch into efforts to pick my brain.
“Soooo, spill. How do you know Killian?” Cammy asks.
Debbie’s eyes are on me as she pulls the clear plastic sleeve off her black plastic fork.