I really don’t think Killian is like that. But who knows? Not like I’m brave enough to ask. Though, I don’t exactly think of myself as a great judge of character these days.
Lunch with Cammy is good. Debbie doesn’t join us; is out for a couple days on a course for her job at the law firm. Cammy and I go to a little sushi place two blocks from work and she insists on buying. She tries to get me to talk about Killian. I deflect and get her to talk about herself instead, and it works for a while, too.
She’s in accounts payable at the company and I already know she’s going to school at night to get her CPA designation. She’s thirty and single, much to the chagrin of her parents who keep trying to arrange blind dates with people through their church. She and her cousin share a basement apartment in a house they bought together as an investment and they rent out the upper two floors to students.
Toward the end of the lunch hour, she abruptly stops sharing anecdotes of the crazy college kids living upstairs from her and the fact that one of them is flirting with her - a twenty-two-year-old guy who she describes as ‘ripped’ and with the bluest eyes she’s ever seen.
“Wait! You’re trying to distract me. What’s the story with your fiancé, with the sexy club owner? Tell me.”
“I’m in the midst of breaking up with Ray and I’m staying in Killian’s guest room right now.”
Her eyes go wide.
“It’s complicated.”
“Sounds like it,” she retorts and then takes a big sip of her drink, eyes on me, waiting for me to elaborate. When I don’t, she slaps the table. “That’s it; we need to get your lips loosened up. Cocktails Friday should help. You always say no so we stopped asking, but you need to come to McHop’s with us. For real.”
“Who’s us?” I ask.
“Me, Deb, some of the other girls from our office, probably. Tara, Lorraine. Deb’s coworker Molly. Come.”
“I might come. I’ll let you know closer to then, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna talk about anything that I’m not ready to discuss.”
“So, just come. Have fun. Let your hair down. It’ll be a laugh. Usually we only stay for one or two drinks. Sometimes we close the place. No pressure, other than to show up. Come for a drink, even a mocktail, and after that, it’s up to you.”
“I’ll try,” I say.
As we’re heading back to work, I get a prickly feeling up the back of my neck. Am I being watched? I look around curiously as it dawns that Wesley Traynor could be following me like he was last Friday. But I have no idea if Killian has Ray being watched. I’d guess yes. It also occurs to me that it could even be Ray watching me and I look around some more, biting my lip, feeling paranoid. I see nothing unusual and I nearly walk into a bus shelter before Cammy steers me in the right direction, joking that I’ve got my mind on Killian.
Maybe it’s just paranoia. Maybe someone is watching me.
***
Tuesday, 9:00 pm
A text alert interrupts my mindless staring at the TV in my room. I perk up at the phone and feel my face fall as my eyes scan the lock screen.
Killian: I’ll be gone a few more days. Message me if anything urgent comes up or if you need anything.
My lower lip protrudes in a pout and I drop my phone on the bed and then push it away with my foot, like the phone itself is to blame.
I don’t know why this leaves me feeling almost… depressed. I flop back onto the bed and blow the hair out of my eyes and then I fetch my phone and reply.
Would it be okay if I use your bath?
He replies instantly.
Make yourself at home.
Should I ask him if I’m being tailed? Should I ask him if I can use the gym downstairs? Have Susanna over? Should I try to find out if he’s angry at me, still, or really just busy somewhere?
Maybe I should just keep my head down and wait until the two weeks are up with Ray and go from there.
Wait and see if Ray commits a felony and lands himself in jail. Wait and see if Ray just leaves town, never to be heard from again.
Wait and see if Ray turns up empty-handed and disappears.
Or worse.
And that he had a gun still just chills me to the bone. I’m sure Killian’s security staff confiscated it, but still… so many questions and no answers.
A little voice tells me I can’t expect answers if I’m not brave enough to ask questions.
But I’m not feeling so brave just yet.
***
I spend Wednesday and Thursday alone, too. No call, no text, no Killian. Thursday night, I spend an hour on the phone with Susanna. I tell her I haven’t seen Killian all week, that he must be away on business, and she gets weird about it, asking me half a dozen questions. I tell her that I know nothing, which is true. I head into Killian’s laundry room to fetch my clean laundry and suggest while I’m in there that she come with me tomorrow after work to McHop’s with the girls from work. I’m feeling like I really wanna go out, be social, find myself again. She heartily agrees.
It’s been on my mind all day that there’s now just one week left until Ray’s deadline. And today was payday for me, too, so Ray could’ve very well noticed my pay didn’t go into the account if he’d gone to check.
Would that give him another clue that I am absolutely done?
***
8:45 pm - Friday
I’m tipsy.
Okay, more than tipsy. I’m drunk. And I’m having such a laugh.
It’s me, Suse, Cammy, Debbie, and Tara. There were three other girls and two guys, but they left.
Cammy and Susanna get along famously and they’re plotting to try to get me to go home with the bartender. This bartender, named Corey, seems like he’s in on it. He keeps making goo-goo eyes at me.
He’s cute. But he’s blond. He’s not as tall or as built as Ray, but I’ve decided that I’m done with all blond men for the foreseeable. I tell the girls that and they laugh.
“You didn’t swear off all men, just blond ones?” Susanna asks, then she mumbles that she knows of a certain tall, dark-haired, green-eyed man being a good option without saying his name.
Deb leans in and says, “Killian? I heard he’s well-hung, fucks like he’s a professional and gets all five-star reviews in the bedroom. If you’re gonna get back on the horse, girl, might as well get on a horse that knows how to give you a ride.”
“Shut up,” I giggle and slap her arm, but I’m blushing. “I’m betting he does, though. I’ve seen his hipbones and I would not complain if they bruised me.”
The girls all look surprised, probably because I’ve been trying to keep things PG every time they’ve veered into this territory with me until now. And now they’re laughing. In fact, Susanna is doubled-over with her laughter before she sobers and asks how I know anything about his hipbones.
“I walked in on him in the bathroom,” I say.
“Did you get full-frontal?” Tara asks.
“No. The towel was in the way,” I pout. “I’m gonna stop gossiping now. Too much truth juice.” I shake my almost empty glass.
“Corey! Another shot of truth juice over here,” Susanna shouts, pointing at me and Cammy then adds, “Make hers a double.”
I giggle.
I head to the bathroom and find I’m glowing really good. My face is tingling from all the smiling and I already decided to take a cab back to Killian’s apartment so there’s been no holding back with the imbibing.