Huh.
My pulse had quickened, but in an understandable and manageable way. I wasn’t afraid. I pulled back, reluctant to do so.
“Did that feel like kissing the back of your hand?” he asked.
“Definitely not.” I wouldn’t have been able to describe how it had felt to someone else—the relief I was feeling that I wasn’t a complete freak, how my stomach had flipped, not with nausea, but with anticipation and longing, the urge I had to do it again.
It was too dark to see his eyes clearly, but I heard the hesitation in his voice. “Does that mean I can kiss you on the cheek, too?”
“I don’t know. Try it.”
He took my face in his hands and then leaned in slowly, softly pressing his warm lips against my skin, his rough stubble pressing against my face.
My legs gave way, and it was a good thing he was holding on to me. Although, being held up by your head wasn’t actually very pleasant, so I ordered my legs to start working again and straightened up.
“Good or bad?” he asked, worried.
“Um, definitely good.” There was no mistaking the breathiness in my voice, the way I was shaking from the contact.
“Good. I like good.”
I definitely liked good, too.
“This could be very interesting,” he mused. “Can I do that again? And maybe in some other spots? To test a theory?”
“Anything in the name of science,” I said and smiled when I heard him laugh.
He still had his hands on my face, and I closed my eyes as he pressed soft kisses against my cheek, one after another, almost as if to soothe where his stubble grazed me.
This was . . . amazing. Incredible. How had I not known about this loophole before?
He continued his careful exploration, kissing my cheek, up to my forehead, down to each eyelid, which felt exquisitely sensitive. He went over to the other cheek and then down to my neck, and my legs almost stopped functioning again. My breath caught at the sensation of his mouth exploring my throat. I grabbed his waist, needing something to hang on to.
It wasn’t fear that was flooding through me. It was fiery want. I wanted his touch, his mouth on me, the little trails of fire that followed his lips everywhere they went. I wanted that hollowed-out feeling deep in my gut that was entirely pleasurable and made me light-headed. A good light-headed.
“So nuzzling your neck is okay?” he asked, his words against my skin.
“I am a fan.”
I could feel him smiling. “Me too.”
“Then you should let me do it.” I didn’t know where this confidence was coming from—it was totally unlike me when it came to physical stuff.
“Yeah?” He lifted his head up.
“I want you to feel this way, too.”
“For future reference, that’s the great thing about kissing,” he told me. “Both of us get to feel the same thing at the same time.”
“Uh-huh.” This was no time for talking. I tugged at his shoulders, getting him to lean down slightly. I ran my lips over his stubble along his jawline, liking the contrast between his five-o’clock shadow and the skin of his cheek. He put his hands on my waist, and I felt his fingers dig into my hips when I moved to his neck. I ghosted my lips along the surface, barely touching him. He smelled so amazing, that unique scent that was just Noah.
I pushed my mouth against the skin where his neck and collarbone met and felt a surge of delight when he groaned at the contact. One of his hands moved up into my hair, lightly holding me in place and stroking my scalp, and I sighed with the pleasure of it.
This was thrilling in a way I hadn’t imagined possible. Knowing that I could have that sort of effect on him. I wondered where else I could kiss him that he’d enjoy. While pondering my next move, my brain demanded to know what Noah tasted like, and I thought it was an excellent question. So I flicked the edge of my tongue against his skin, and he let out this throaty sound that was exhilarating, but then he put both of his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back slightly.
“You have an early appointment tomorrow, remember?”
Did I? Oh yeah. Well, forget Mrs. Rabinowitz and Fifi. I was much happier here. There were many, many things to explore. “That’s a whole six hours away. Plenty of time.”
He let out a sound that was a mixture of laughter and regret. “Please don’t tempt me, Juliet. I’m not as strong as you seem to think I am, and I have promises I intend to keep.”
Great. He had to go and be honorable. But to be fair, that was probably the only reason I’d been enjoying myself. I knew, as much as I’d ever known anything, that he wasn’t going to push me or try to kiss me, and it made me feel safe and unworried.
I tried to come down from the surge of adrenaline that was raging through me. I’d had rushes of adrenaline before, but they’d always been negative. This one was mixed with want and desire and made my blood feel too thick for my veins.
It was a heady sensation, and I liked it.
“So I’m going to go.” He said the words, but he wasn’t moving. He lifted a hand up, running his fingers over my lower lip. That didn’t bother me, either. Then he was moving to hug me, holding me tight against him.
Leaving me to wonder why we hadn’t been doing this all along, either. I adored the feeling of his strong arms being wrapped around me, the hard planes of his chest pressed against me, his face touching mine. I almost turned to kiss his cheek again when he withdrew.
“Now I’m really going,” he said. To my disappointment, he actually did start walking away. But then he called over his shoulder, “By the way, you snore.”
“I do not!” I called back.
He turned around so that he was walking backward. “You a hundred percent do, and it’s adorable.”
I waved to him, and he returned it before turning around. I watched him go, again admiring the view, and then sighed as I fished in my pocket for my key. I will admit that it took me much longer than it should have to get the key into the stupid lock and get the door open.
When I got inside, a strange mixture of fear and doubt swelled up inside me, whispering insidious lies about how I should be worried and scared and run away from Noah.
Nope. I shook my head. I was going to do what he’d suggested and replace those negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
“Listen up, brain. I’m going to kiss Noah Douglas as much as I want to, and you’re not going to overreact or melt down over it. I will kiss him and enjoy it. This is going to happen.”
And I was going to keep telling myself that until it became reality.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I made it to my appointment despite the fact that I was exhausted because I’d barely slept. I just kept running what had happened on the porch through my mind over and over again. It felt like everything had changed, and I was eager to see how that would translate when I saw Noah again.
To my dismay, he sent me a text that said:
That made me laugh, and I sent him an emoji with its tongue sticking out.
I texted Shelby, thinking maybe we could hang out. I felt like a bad friend—we’d been just sending general “hey, how are you, thinking of you” kinds of messages. I hadn’t told her about Noah or how we were hanging out, because those were conversations I wasn’t ready to have yet. Maybe that was selfish of me, but I wanted to fix this phobia and it felt like this might work and I wasn’t willing to jinx it.