“That’s pretty much what happened to my sister at the convent in Ireland. Except now she has lost her son, and the baby she gave up. She tried to contact the convent, to see if she could meet her daughter now, as an adult. She’d be thirty-three years old, but she was told that all the records have been destroyed by a fire. She has no way of finding out where her daughter is. She was adopted by Americans. That’s all she knows. And that they were going to call her Ashley. It was all she was told about them.”
“I’m sure the nuns in Ireland who handled those adoptions chose good parents for her. She can be assured of that,” the mother superior said through pursed lips.
“Even the state has changed their rules about not contacting the children women gave up for adoption. Many people have found their birth parents through the Internet. But there is no way for my sister to find out anything if the records were destroyed.” Hattie didn’t imply that Melissa believed the fire was intentional, but the superior seemed to know about it.
“I’ve heard stories that the records were destroyed. I think the nuns in charge of those convents thought it was for the best, to let the past stay buried. Many people never even told their children that they were adopted in those days. And many of those young girls never told their husbands and subsequent children that they’d given up a baby for adoption when they were teenagers. The truth can cause a great deal of damage.”
“My sister says she told her husband before they got married. And she’s alone now. I think it would help her recover from her losses if I could find out something about her daughter and put her mind at rest. Mother, I’d like to go to Ireland and visit the convent where she gave the baby up, near Dublin, and maybe some of the other convents, to see if any of those records survived or any of the nuns remember something about her.”
“It’s a needle in a haystack, Sister Mary Joe,” the superior said with a disapproving look. “And if you did find something out, what if it disrupts her daughter’s life to have her birth mother show up? The records were destroyed with good reason, and undoubtedly a great deal of thought.” But Hattie wondered what they were thinking now. Was Melissa right? Had they only destroyed the records to protect the Church? Melissa had called those convents baby mills, that had been run for profit, not just with good motives to provide babies for childless couples to adopt. All of the adopting couples had been rich, according to her sister, and a great deal of money had ended up in the hands of the Church. But she didn’t say that to Mother Elizabeth, or Hattie knew she’d turn her down. She didn’t want to make trouble for the convents. All she wanted was to help her sister find the baby she had given up, and had regretted all her life. Or at least find out something about where the baby had gone.
“I’m not proposing to make contact with her daughter, if I’m lucky enough to find out where she is, or where she went. I just want to find the information. It will be up to my sister after that. She may not have the courage to contact her, but at least she would know something about her, who adopted her and where she grew up.”
“I’m not sure I believe in raising the ghosts of the past,” Mother Elizabeth said. But she could see the distress in Hattie’s eyes and how much she cared about her sister. “And how would you propose to pay for the trip? We don’t have funds for anything like that, and I can’t justify it to the bishop on our books. I suppose your sister would be willing to pay for the trip.”
Hattie shook her head. “She doesn’t know that I want to go. I don’t want to raise her hopes, and then disappoint her if I can’t find anything out.”
“Which is more than likely,” Mother Elizabeth reminded her.
“I have a small trust left from my parents. I wasn’t able to transfer it to the Church. I had to follow the conditions of the trust. I left it for the benefit of my nephew when I took my vows, and to my sister, if anything happened to him. I’ve never touched it, and it could cover the trip.”
“And how long would this take?”
“Maybe a few weeks. I could go when all the sisters go to the lake house in the Adirondacks, if you allow it.” The superior sat silently for several minutes, thinking, while Hattie waited, praying that she would look favorably on the request.
“This is a very unusual proposal, Sister. I’d have to send you alone. I can’t spare anyone to go with you. We need all the younger sisters to help with the older ones at the lake. And I want to remind you of how quickly people jump to criticize the Church, unjustly. There have been stories about those convents, trying to malign them, claiming there was greed and profit involved. I am certain that’s not true. Only grateful people donating honestly to the Church. I don’t want you getting caught up in any controversy, or becoming confused about our motives and theirs. Those nuns who ran the convents that took those young girls in provided a loving service to all concerned, homes for the babies no one wanted, and a place where the unwed mothers could take refuge, to spare their reputations, and their families’. The couples who were unable to have children of their own went home with an infant in their arms, to give them a solid future and a good life. The motives involved were entirely pure. But I also understand your wish to help your sister find her way back from a very dark place. Losing her son must have been heartbreaking for her. Did their marriage recover?”
Hattie shook her head in answer. “He left her and married someone else. She didn’t fight it. She was frozen in grief at the time, and she’s alone.” Hattie had the feeling that if Melissa had remarried, Mother Elizabeth wouldn’t have looked favorably on the request. She didn’t want to indulge curiosity or a whim, but she was willing to help heal the broken heart of a mother who had lost both husband and son. And maybe, as Hattie hoped, this would help, although nothing would bring her sister’s son back, or turn back the clock for the baby girl she’d given up. But perhaps the truth would free her aching heart. It was the only reason Mother Elizabeth would allow Sister Mary Joseph to go.
The mother superior looked stern for a moment. “I would prefer that you not discuss this with anyone, Sister. We will say that you are going on a mission for the order, and we are sending you to visit a convent in Ireland to carry it out. Whatever you discover, you are not to discuss it with the Sisters here when you come back. This is a personal mission, which is very unusual. But I know how hard you work at the hospital, how much you do for our community, and the miracles you managed, saving children’s lives at the hospital in Kenya. I won’t agree to anything like this again. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Mother,” she said obediently. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest. She didn’t know how she’d done it, but she had convinced her and gotten approval for the trip.
“And anything unpleasant you discover, if that should happen, remains between us. You may go when we move to the lake house, and I want you back in two weeks, three weeks at the absolute most. And I want you to report in to me periodically while you’re away. Don’t just wander around Ireland like a free spirit. You’re to stay at the convents you visit, not in local hotels. I will give you a letter from me, sanctioning your mission, but not explaining what it is. Remember who you are, and where your loyalties lie now. We are your family. You are engaging in a compassionate mission for your sister. But she is no longer your primary allegiance. We are Sisters in Christ, as you are also with the nuns in the convents you’ll be visiting. You must remain loyal to them too. This is not a fact-finding mission, to criticize what happened in those convents long ago. You are looking for information about the child your sister gave up, and that’s all. Keep that in mind when you go.”