“I was a little afraid of that,” Michaela said softly. “I think I would have. You two were funny together.”
“I meant what I told her. She should go back to writing. She has an enormous talent. It’s a sin to let that lie dormant and not use it. It’s not right.” Marla believed that everyone should work, at every age. She had made that clear to Michaela too, who was very serious about her job as a social worker.
“Maybe she’ll go back to it someday. She seems to be busy with her house,” Michaela said thoughtfully.
“That’s not enough,” Marla said firmly, “she’s too bright for that. Maybe finding you will inspire her.” Marla knew they were going to visit Melissa in three days. She was going to a spa in Palm Springs herself, for a week of intense exercise and diet, cleansing drinks and herbal facials before starting her new film in a few weeks. She had invited Michaela to bring the children over to Europe during ski week, while she was on location in England. Michaela had promised to try. They were going to be shooting in Ireland and Scotland too, in rugged terrain. It was a period piece. She had two weeks of fittings for the wigs and costumes, which were elaborate.
Marla stayed until eleven and then she went home. She got up at six every day to exercise, five when she was working on a picture. She applied rigorous discipline to everything she did.
“I’ll talk to you before you leave. And give Melissa a hug from me,” she said, and kissed Michaela and David before she left. She drove herself home. She usually had a driver, but didn’t want to make him work on Christmas Eve. He had a wife and kids, and she was sensitive to that. She was an admirable woman, and much respected by those who knew her well. Her employees were devoted to her, and many of them had worked for her for over thirty years. Michaela had grown up with them.
Michaela and David and the children relaxed at home on Christmas Day. The weather was warm, so they heated the pool and let the kids swim for a short time. Then they went inside to play with their presents. Andrew had his first two-wheel bike, and he wanted to take it to Massachusetts. His parents said he couldn’t. He’d have to leave it at home, but he was going to ski instead.
Michaela was excited to see Melissa again, and David was looking forward to getting some skiing in too, although the mountain wasn’t challenging there. His own parents had been killed in a freak accident, mountain climbing in Europe, before the children were born, so he thought having a second grandmother would be nice for them. He was easygoing and adored his wife and children, and had gone along with the plan. Michaela had teased him about having a second mother-in-law. Marla was a force to be reckoned with, and opinionated at times. He could already tell that Melissa’s points of view were more moderate, less old-fashioned, and more diplomatically expressed, but he loved Marla too, for her honesty and good heart. She’d always been kind to him since they’d met.
Michaela spent the day after Christmas packing for their trip, and she could hardly get the children to bed that night, they were so excited about going to the snow, building a snowman, ice skating, and seeing their new grandmother again. Michaela hadn’t told them she had more presents for them. She didn’t want that to be the main event, so they had surprises in store. Melissa was wide awake in her bed that night too, thinking about them.
* * *
—
Hattie had been at the retreat house in Vermont for a week by then. The silence felt peaceful and was a relief at first. So much had happened, and retelling the rape had brought back terrible nightmares and memories. She thought a silent retreat would help them recede again. But as the days wore on, with no one to speak to, the voices in her head got louder and more strident every day, voices about what had brought her into the convent in the first place, reminding her that she had lied about having a vocation. She kept thinking of Fiona Eckles’s words in Dublin about how disillusioned she was with the Church. She felt as though she was spinning in circles with a thousand echoes in her head telling her that she didn’t belong in the Church, that she wasn’t good enough or pure enough. She was a liar, a fraud. All the good she had done in the past eighteen years faded away and the only thing left were her doubts, about the Church, herself, and what direction to take now. She felt frozen in place, and nothing in her life made sense anymore. The only thing that did was having found Melissa’s daughter for her. She had no regrets about that, and was thrilled with how it had worked out. She was sorry she wouldn’t see them over New Year’s at Melissa’s house, but she would have had to work anyway.
Hattie suspected that the public revelations about the sex offenders in Hollywood were continuing. They weren’t allowed to read the newspapers or watch television during the retreat, so nothing would intrude on them, so Hattie didn’t know what was going on, or if the press had said anything about her, which was just as well. In fact, her story had been added to the others, but the police had kept her name out of it, and said only that she had been a young actress raped and brutalized by him twenty years ago. Melissa had been relieved to see that it had been kept anonymous, but she had no contact with Hattie so she couldn’t tell her. No one could. The whole purpose of the retreat was for Hattie to clear her mind and come back stronger, more at peace, and feeling whole again. For now, she felt fragmented and broken in a million pieces, pulled in all directions. She had reached no conclusions while there. They had said she could stay as long as she wanted and needed to. She didn’t even know what day it was. The nuns who ran the retreat told her it didn’t matter, and she suspected they were right. A relief nurse was covering her shifts at the hospital. It made her feel that she was replaceable, which was liberating.
* * *
—
The morning that Michaela and her family were due to arrive, Melissa had gotten up at six and checked everything, the room that the children would share with twin beds and antique quilts handmade by local women, the large, airy bedroom with floral prints and matching wallpaper from England for David and Michaela. It had a big bathroom, with a large antique tub that Norm had found and installed, and it had a little sitting room next to it that was bright and sunny, overlooking the garden and the mountains. They were far down the hall from Melissa’s bedroom so they didn’t have to worry about disturbing her if the children got up early. The house was well laid out for family and guests. The family who had built it had five children, and all the bedrooms were big and airy with peaceful views, with the parents’ quarters separate.
She had rented bicycles for them to use when the ground wasn’t icy. They were going to rent the ski equipment once the children were there and could be measured for it. Michaela wanted to ski too. David had been a downhill racer in college, and was bringing his own equipment. If the weather held up and they didn’t get buried in snow, Melissa had a lot of activities planned for them. And Norm had promised to give Andy a ride on one of his tractors and his forklift, which his mother had promised him. They were going to ice-skate on a frozen pond, visit a breeder of huskies, and Norm had promised to cook for them. There was plenty to keep them busy, and Melissa was grateful for Norm’s help to entertain them. His office was closed until after the New Year, so he had plenty of free time.