“I like the way they are with you,” Luke started. “Total respect. They have a mind to you being female but they don’t treat you like an outsider. You’re one of them—totally—but they curb some of the shit-talk. They’re careful to keep the topic of sex off the table.”
I scrunched my nose at that.
Gross.
The same way I didn’t want to know what my brothers did with women, I didn’t want to hear about the guys I worked with.
“Exactly.” Luke smiled, catching my grimace. “With that being said, they don’t hold back giving you shit. I liked that, too. I liked the way they didn’t get carried away with it and when you gave it back, they took it and smiled. All of that is good. What isn’t is you not understanding why they do it.”
I was feeling the stiffness creep in, the unwanted fear, the itch on the back of my neck. Unfortunately, Luke kept going.
“You told me you didn’t have friends, and, baby, that’s just not true. Those men consider you a friend—”
“We work together.” I cut him off, not liking where this was going. “They’re acquaintances.”
“No, Shiloh. They’re your friends. If you called any of those men right now needing help they’d drop what they were doing and come help you. Well, maybe not Valentine, he seemed eager to get to his date, so right about now I’d say he was—”
“Gross. Please stop.”
“Point is, that’s what friends do. They stop what they’re doing when a friend needs them. An acquaintance is someone you shoot the shit with when you happen to see them in passing. A teammate is someone who has your back when the vests are out and the guns are drawn. You seeing the difference?”
I was getting pissed. I wasn’t stupid. I knew what a friend was. I just didn’t have any.
“I’m not dumb.”
“Didn’t say you were. What I’m saying is you lied when you told me you didn’t have friends. And I’m seeing you didn’t lie on purpose but it doesn’t make it any less untrue. Those men are your friends. They're reaching out to you, trying to grab hold, and you’re holding yourself back. And that shit’s not right. And it’s really not right because I know you’d take a bullet for any one of those men but you wouldn’t invite them to your house for dinner or call them if you had a flat.”
Fear was turning into anger, and as hard as I wanted to stop it I couldn’t. I felt it coming on—ugly and mean—choking me as it slid up my throat preparing to strike.
“I can change my own damn tire, Luke. I’m not a fucking—”
“Shiloh, look at me.”
“I am,” I snapped. “I’m looking right at you, unclear why we’re talking about this shit.”
Luke’s face lowered and my breath caught.
“Hear this—you can dim your light and turn up the frost, but, baby, I’m still not going anywhere. You wanna lash out and get pissed, you’re gonna do it naked in my arms knowing when you burn yourself out you’re crawling back into my bed. You wanna throw up your defenses and dial up the bitch thinking it’s gonna make me push you away—do your worst. I’ve got your number, Shiloh. Make your plays, hide behind whatever bullshit you can dream up. I’ll wait you out. I’ll tunnel in. I’ll climb over. I’ll bulldoze through. Don’t matter to me because at the end of the day I’m gonna outplay you and win.”
None of that sounded good. None of it sounded fun. What it sounded like was agony. No, worse than agony. It sounded like determination.
One of Luke’s hands slid up my spine to the back of my neck then around to the front and up again until he cupped my cheek in his big palm.
“What you have to trust is while you’re making your plays and I’m making mine you’re safe. Totally safe.”
“I won’t be safe if you push me on this. I like the way my life is.”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t gonna be uncomfortable, but you’ll be safe.”
“I don’t want this.”
Luke’s face gentled and his thumb stroked my cheek.
“I’d believe that, Shiloh, if it wasn’t such a goddamn lie. And I know it’s a lie because the night I came back into your house, the relief I saw in your pretty eyes, gutted me. I’d believe you if you hadn’t invited me to meet the guys tonight. I’ve decided I’m not listening to the things you say but the things you do. And everything you’re doing is pulling me closer.”
I had nothing to say to that because he was right. What the hell was wrong with me?
“Now, I’m gonna clean you up so we can get back into bed and get dirty again.”
“I’m no longer in the mood.”
Luke’s kissable lips tipped up into a smug grin. The seriousness slid out of his eyes and the playfulness returned.
“Right. You will be when you’re sitting on my face and I’m tongue-fucking your pussy.”
I squinted my eyes and his smile widened.
After that Luke cleaned us up and took us to bed. I didn’t sit on his face, not right away. First, he took his time working me up, his mouth on mine while his hands explored. When he had me begging and whining then he sat me on his face. I held onto the headboard and shouted my orgasm. Throughout this, Luke didn’t let me touch him.
It was the best orgasm of my life, even if fear was licking up my spine, chasing away the pleasure.
Five minutes later, I fell asleep lying half on top of Luke.
I didn’t dream of hostages being shot and fathers breaking down.
I dreamed of tremendous pain and loss.
Mine.
When Luke walked away.
15
“Shake a leg!” I yelled once I heard the blow dryer go off.
“I would if you’d tell me where we’re going.”
This was a huge gamble. One that could backfire on me big time. But after our conversation in the shower after mini-golf, I decided to play it cool for a few days and avoid all heavy topics. I’d also added orgasms. Lots of fucking orgasms—minus the fucking. I hadn’t lifted the ban on sex or blowjobs but Shiloh’d jerked me off brilliantly several times. Mostly while I had her tits in my hands and a nipple in my mouth, though sometimes I switched it up and fingered her while she stroked. She’d spent two nights at my house and I’d spent last night at hers. This was strategic. I wanted her to wake up this morning in her bed so I could get her up and dressed for the picnic she didn’t know she was attending.
Tonight if she didn’t pitch a holy shit-fit we’d be back at mine. If she did I’d follow her back to her place, we’d have it out, then I’d sleep in her bed. Either way, we’d be sleeping together.
Three nights I’d slept next to her and just like I knew it would happen, I was addicted. Tangled tight and I was taking her along with me.
“It’s a surprise,” I told her.
“I don’t like surprises.”
“Too bad.”
The bathroom door swung open and out she came in nothing but a bra and panties. Her hand went to her hip and my gaze dropped, took in the cherry red lace, and I bit back a groan. Something new I learned about Shiloh—under her work cargos and tactical vest she wore unbelievably sexy bras and panties. I couldn’t say I’d paid attention the first night I got her naked for the bath. I was more interested in her soft skin and the way she smelled. The second time I got her naked I was in a rush and discarded her clothes at record speed. But the next two times, I’d taken my time and discovered her girly, lacy underthings. And just like her hot pink toenails, knowing she was hiding a sexy secret under her uniform did crazy things to my dick.