“Where are the other two?” Sean asked, following Gavin to the kitchen. He nodded when Gavin pulled a cold beer from the fridge, taking it with a quick thanks. Gavin helped himself to one as well. “Erin’s at work, though she should be home soon, and Oliver took off after we left the work site to check on Pop Pop, to see how he’s doing. I’m supposed to be getting dinner ready. It’s my night to cook. Obviously, I’m failing at that.”
Sean looked around at the kitchen, chuckling as he acknowledged the fact that absolutely nothing was on the stove. He shrugged and said, “So order pizza.”
Gavin dismissed the idea. He’d promised to make a meal. Pizza felt like cheating.
The two of them grabbed a seat at the small table in Erin’s kitchen. Gavin had initially had some reservations about moving in here with Erin and Oliver, but he had to admit, the three of them had fallen into their new living arrangements quite easily.
Sean leaned back in the chair. “Actually, I was hoping to get you to myself. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, but between the fire and all the rebuilding plans going on at work, it’s been tough to steal you away.”
“What’s going on?”
Sean took a long swig of his beer, and Gavin got the sense that whatever his foster dad wanted to say, he wasn’t finding it easy. “Aaron said he told you about your mom getting out of the psych hospital.”
Gavin nodded, somewhat surprised to learn that Sean knew. He wondered if he was upset with Gavin for not telling him himself.
Of course, in his defense, he’d been so busy this past week, he hadn’t had time to give his mother’s release more than a passing thought or two. He still hadn’t even told Oliver that she was walking around a free woman.
“She called the house last Friday afternoon. Day of the fire. Spoke to Lauren.”
Gavin wasn’t sure what he’d expected Sean to say, but it sure as fuck wasn’t that. “Why would she do that?”
“She’s had our names for years, knew that we took you in after she was committed.”
“She’s looking for me.” Gavin wasn’t sure why, but the thought of his mother calling and talking to Lauren upset him more than he would have thought. He never—never—wanted his mother anywhere near Sean, Lauren, or Chad.
Sean nodded. “And I can see by the look on your face that pisses you off. I figured as much, but, well, your mom—Lauren,” Sean clarified.
“Lauren is my mom,” he admitted softly. Gavin was always touched when Sean and Chad referred to themselves as his dads and Lauren his mom. God knew that was what he considered them, even if he’d never been able to call them by those names.
It was still difficult for him to understand, to accept, their unconditional love. Not that they ever stopped trying to get him there.
Sean reached over and patted his hand. “Maybe one day you’ll give those mom and dad titles a spin. I mean, I don’t mind you calling me Sean, but, well…Dad has a nice ring to it too. Should have made that offer a long time ago, but…”
“But I never gave you the chance,” Gavin finished for him. “I know I was a giant pain in the ass during those early years, pretending like I didn’t give a shit about any of you, making your lives hell. Can’t believe you didn’t kick me to the curb.”
Sean was the most fun-loving of Gavin’s three foster parents, while Lauren and Chad, both psychologists, were more serious. So it was strange to look at Sean now and not see that permanent smile on his face. “We were never going to send you away, Gavin. That’s not what family does. We love each other through all of it—the good and the bad times. When you walked into our house that first time with Margie, that badass smirk on your face, I knew in an instant you were meant to be my son. Never saw a stronger kid. The shit your mom put you through would have broken a lesser man. Hell, it would have broken me. But not you. Jesus, son. How you grew up in the midst of all that pain and uncertainty with that big heart of yours still intact, I’ll never know.”
Gavin swallowed hard, afraid to speak, knowing it would give away just how close he was to the verge of tears.
“So I’m just saying…I know you’re a grown-ass man now, but if you want to drop the Sean thing and move over to Dad…that works for me. Just know, if you call me that, you have to call Chad Dad too. He’s a jealous son of a bitch.”
Gavin laughed. There wasn’t a jealous bone in Chad’s body, and Sean knew it, just as he knew exactly how to lighten the mood with a joke. He’d known for years Sean and Chad considered him their son. Maybe they didn’t share the same blood, but that didn’t matter to either of them.
When Gavin thought about all the things Sean had given him over the years—both material and emotional—none of it made him as happy as this offer.
“We planned to tell you about the call last weekend, but then…with the fire…”
“It’s okay.”
“Lauren didn’t give your mother your number. She refused to tell her where you were until we talked to you. You want to see her?”
Gavin hesitated, unsure how to answer. He’d known this was coming, knew she would seek him out, that she would want to see him. But his feelings about that reunion were just as fucked up as they’d been last week. Hell, maybe more so. This week, after the fire, he’d been running on fumes, his emotions raw.
Finally, he shook his head. “Not yet.”
Lauren and Chad had given him books about dealing with childhood abuse, in addition to talking to him about his feelings toward his mother. In the past few years, as he’d gotten older, Lauren had begun to share some online information about what it meant to live with a sociopath.
Every single description had been textbook of the life he’d lived, of his mother’s pathology—her lack of empathy, her disregard for right and wrong, her aggression, her ability to manipulate him to get what she wanted. If there’d been a checkbox next to each description, he could have ticked off every single one.
And it was that information that had him hesitating to schedule a reunion. Regardless of the fact he now understood why she did the things she did, he also knew himself. Knew his personality—his compulsion to take care of someone he loved—didn’t mesh with hers. Not at all.
Not to mention, he was still eaten up with guilt for not going to visit her. Whether that feeling was right or wrong didn’t matter. It was still there. Always in the back of his mind.
He’d never completely opened up to his foster parents, never told them everything that had happened to him, but he’d always listened to them, to their reassurances that he wasn’t alone, that he was stronger than the things he’d suffered. He’d soaked in their words, drank them down like a man dying of thirst.
Gavin realized that unlike him, most kids never got a clean slate, a chance to see parenting from a different perspective. While some might consider fifteen too old to save a kid, Gavin had been saved. Sean, Lauren, and Chad had taught him to love—not only others, but himself as well.
“Fine. If she calls back, we’ll tell her you’re not ready. But, Gavin, if she’s determined to find you…”
“It won’t be that hard. I’m still in Baltimore, working with you, living with Ollie. It’s okay. If she finds me, I’ll deal with it.”