I should feel happy for Wes, but I feel crushed. I swallow hard and adopt a brave face. “I guess this is where I say thank you for paying off my debt when you didn’t have to.”
Wes’s eyebrows cinch together, so I explain. “You know, since you can get the ranch without getting married now.” My smile is weak. “I guess we both got what we wanted.” Vulnerability fills me, so I reach down to brush his hand off my stomach, but his muscles clench and my pushing is ineffectual.
“Dakota, last night I realized something that’s been staring me in the face for a while. There’s a big difference between what I want, and what I need. I want the ranch, but I need you.” He grabs my hand, his fingers intertwining with mine. “I love you, Dakota.”
A smile splits my face, and for a brief moment all my physical pain is gone. “I’m so in love with you, Wes.” I laugh incredulously after I say it, because I don’t know what to do with the overflow of emotion.
“Thank God,” he says, eyes lifting to the ceiling. He leans down, kissing me.
“You’re a hard person not to love, Wes.” I kiss him again. “Out of curiosity, when did you know you loved me?”
Wes puts a few inches of space between our faces as he thinks. “That question has two parts. First, I fell in love with you that first night at the lake, when we were swimming.”
I make a face, but he shakes his head. “That’s the truth. You swam to me, wrapped your arms around my shoulders, and pushed the hair off my forehead. You looked into my eyes and laughed and kissed me, and it hit me that for the first time in my life, I could feel the heart in my chest. Really feel it. And then later, we were talking and I told you about being in the military, and then I just… started crying. And I thought, You’d better run, because this girl is going to undo you.” I shake my head, astonished at what he’s saying. He keeps going. “I took the easy way out, even when it killed me. You brought to life in me something I wanted to stay dead. Leaving you felt like my only option.”
A little noise sounds in the back of my throat, and I realize I’m near tears.
“The second part is that I realized I was in love with you when you came over and did your laundry. It felt so natural and right, like you were always meant to be there. I started thinking back to the night I met you, and it hit me that I couldn’t ever fall in love with you, because I already was.” He taps the tip of my nose. “Your turn.”
I brush a kiss against him. “I’ve been falling in love with you slowly. Kind of like rolling down a gently sloping hill, and getting to the bottom and then looking up and realizing how far you’ve gone. But I knew it was happening the night you came over and watched TV in my hotel room. After you left, I screamed into my pillow, because I realized I was in over my head.”
He leans down, feathering kisses on the underside of my jaw. “We’ve made a mess of things, haven’t we?”
I nod. “What do we do now? Date like normal people?” I don’t like the way the words taste or sound, and it feels as if I’ve let down every cell in my body just by uttering them.
Wes tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips trailing down my neck. “I don’t know about you, but I made a deal to walk down an aisle and I shook on it. Where I come from, a handshake is as binding as the law.”
My smile is so wide it hurts my cheeks. “Funny you should mention it, because I also made a deal just like yours.”
“Odd,” he murmurs, his lips vibrating on my neck and his hand running the length of my stomach.
“Yes it is, and—” My stomach growls loudly. Wes laughs, his hand still on my middle. “I both heard and felt that. Come on, let’s tame the hungry beast.”
He rolls off the bed first, coming around and giving me a hand. I wince, and try not to show it, but I’m stiffer than I originally thought. I go into the bathroom, clean up and wash my face, rinse my mouth with toothpaste I find in a drawer, and go back out to the bedroom to find Wes has changed into last night’s clothes. I glance down at my pile of dirty, ripped clothes.
Wes must see what I see, because he instructs me to wait here. He’s back quickly with a pair of athletic shorts and a T-shirt.
“Jessie’s,” he says, holding them out to me.
The shorts are a size too small, but the T-shirt is oversized and comfortable.
Wes takes my hand and leads me out the guest room door and down the stairs.
“Dakota, when was the last time you ate?” Warner asks, smiling. “One might think you’d been kidnapped recently.”
Wes elbows him and he grunts. “Too soon?” he asks.
I take a big bite from my second helping of hash browns. “One might think you joke around so often to cover up something inside you that hurts. Like, perhaps, your pride.”
Warner frowns, but Wes laughs, and Wyatt joins in.
“Shut up,” Warner tells Wyatt, folding him into a loose headlock. Wes lands a few playful punches in Warner’s stomach.
“Do you three ever stop?” Juliette asks, coming into the dining room with another bowl of scrambled eggs. She winks at me and places the bowl in the center of the table.
I wouldn’t say Juliette and I are best friends, but after she cared for me last night, I think we’ve come to a place of mutual respect.
Beau walks in, water droplets from his shower still clinging to his hair. The corners of his eyes turn down, like he didn’t sleep much. Wes, Warner, and Wyatt stop horsing around, all three paying close attention to their dad. The last time we all saw him was at Dixon’s place, and I don’t know about his sons, but I have no idea what happened.
He grabs a biscuit from the basket on the table and walks into the adjoining living room. He turns on the TV and changes the station to the news. Everybody but Beau shares glances with each other, and then Beau walks over to the dining room table and makes himself a plate. Juliette leaves the room and brings him black coffee.
He thanks her and takes a big sip. Whatever Beau was looking for on the news doesn’t appear to be there, and conversation starts back up at a trickle. First Wyatt asks me how construction is coming along on The Orchard. We talk about that for a few minutes, and Wes asks Warner a question about a calf that was born a few weeks ago. Juliette says something about goat cheese, and her voice breaks. I look to Wes for an explanation and he tells me about the barn fire.
“I just can’t believe…” But the rest of what I’m saying is drowned out by an exclamation from a reporter on TV. “Breaking news. We’ve just learned of an explosion at a suspected meth lab in the mountains near the town of Sierra Grande. As of right now we are unaware of any fatalities, but we will keep you informed as the situation continues to develop.”
I look at Wes. Wes is looking at Beau. And Beau, calm and unaffected, lifts his fork to his mouth, takes a bite, chews and swallows. He looks out the window that faces the burned barn, his coffee poised at his lips. “Good day for working. You boys about ready to get to it?”
Wyatt’s the first to respond, then Warner and Wes. And that’s it. It’s as if some kind of code has been enacted.
I gather my dirty clothes from upstairs and stop Juliette on my way out. Wes waits for me in the open door. “Please tell Jessie I’ll bring her clothes back to her.”