“So, what’s the latest with you and Leah?” Natasha asked Ben. She and Genevieve settled on the island’s stools. “Any change?”
“Today’s the first time I’ve seen her in about a month. She was traveling, so we’ve been keeping in touch through texts. Here, look.” He pulled out his phone and passed it to the sisters. After they’d each taken a look, Genevieve turned Ben’s phone in Sebastian’s direction. The photo Leah had texted Ben showed Leah and Dylan sitting in a canoe, smiling.
“A few days ago, she suggested we go out for Korean food this week,” Ben said.
“Wait.” Natasha faced Ben. “What?”
“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Genevieve asked.
“Because I don’t want to get my hopes up. I think it might just be a friend thing. Not a date.”
“Wear something semi-nice, in case it is a date in her mind,” Genevieve suggested. “Women don’t like to feel overdressed.”
They continued to talk in painful detail about what Ben should wear, what he should order, how he should handle trying to pay.
Miserable, Sebastian drained the last of his water, then peeled another clementine, even though he hadn’t been hungry for the first one he’d eaten.
CHAPTER TEN
An elevator carried Sebastian down through the center of the hospital on Wednesday night.
What was he feeling?
Jealousy. Why? Because Ben was on a date with Leah tonight.
Fear. Why? Because he was afraid that Leah would fall in love with his best friend. Which was self-centered. No one could make her happier than Ben could. Ben was the better man. Ben didn’t have the baggage Sebastian carried.
He needed to be honest enough with himself to admit that he had serious issues with trust. The walls he’d built didn’t make him a good bet as a boyfriend.
If his feelings for Ben and Leah were true, he’d want them to end up together.
That’s what was in their best interest.
Many miles to the north, Leah’s eyes sank closed reverently as she sampled the first bite of her meal: bibimbap, Korean comfort food.
Ben, unsure of what to order, had followed her lead. Thus, matching stone bowls of food sat before them. Rice formed the base of the dish, crowned with a fried egg surrounded by colorful mounds of spiced beef, bean sprouts, carrot, zucchini, spinach.
“So good,” Ben said.
“So good,” she confirmed, adding an additional squirt of chili paste to the dish, then mixing all the ingredients together. “You know, when you and Natasha and Genevieve showed up at Sebastian’s house the other day, I couldn’t believe that I was surrounded by four of the Miracle Five.”
“Impressive, aren’t we?” he joked.
“It was a rare honor.” The only one who’d been absent was the one who’d never joined the rest, even when they were young, in their public appearances and interviews. Luke Dempsey. “Is Luke still in prison?” He’d spent the last seven years in prison for felony theft.
“Yeah, but he’s supposed to come up for parole soon. We’re hoping he finally gets out.”
She asked Ben to tell her more about Natasha and Genevieve, and he filled her in.
On this midweek night in early August, most of the restaurant’s seats were occupied by tourists enjoying summer vacations. The establishment had a crisp, modern atmosphere. Dark gray tiled floor, pops of lime green fabric, a white and silver lighting scheme.
Ben had offered to pick her up this evening, but she’d told him she’d meet him here. If he’d driven them, it would have given the evening a datelike feel. Also, she didn’t enjoy relying on others for rides. Doing so made her feel helpless, and she loathed feeling helpless.
For tonight’s outing, she’d chosen a full skirt and a sleeveless shirt printed with little yellow birds. He’d arrived looking slightly more formal in a green dress shirt, flat front pants, leather shoes.
They were situated at a cozy table for two. Eating out. Away from their usual environment of the school. Away from the rest of their teacher friends. Dressed in fancier clothing than normal.
She might be wrong, because she could never trust her conclusions about such things, but this did feel datelike to her, despite that she’d driven herself here.
As she met Ben’s beautiful eyes from across the table, her nerves stretched. The intimacy of this dinner was confirming for her that she still wanted the same thing she’d always wanted from Ben. Friendship.
The relationship they already had was not a small thing to her. It wasn’t as if she had a large and close-knit circle of adult friends. She had Tess and Rudy. Ben. And a few more casual friendships at school and church. That was it. She was more than grateful for their current relationship.
But the hopeful look on his face was substantiating what Sebastian had told her—that Ben wanted more. Which made her feel like an appalling human being because she truly, truly did not want to hurt him. He was one of the kindest people she’d ever met. Encouraging, thoughtful, supportive. Dozens of times he’d paved the way for her at Misty River High. He was a fantastic listener and, like Sebastian had pointed out, he was loyal.
She’d been eating with a fork, but now fiddled with the unused chopsticks lying next to her napkin.
“Is something wrong?” Ben asked.
“I . . . have an awkward question to ask you. Do you think our friendship can handle an awkward question or two?”
“Absolutely. What’s your question?”
She stilled the chopsticks, mounded her hands in her lap. “I’m interested in knowing if you like me as more than a friend.”
His head pulled back a few inches with surprise.
She waited.
“Come again?” he said.
“I’m interested in knowing if you like me as more than a friend.”
“Uh. Well.” He fidgeted. “What motivated you to ask that?”
“Curiosity. I’d like to be sensitive to where you’re coming from, but I can’t tell where you’re coming from. In order to find out, I have to ask.”
He gave her his thoughtful look, the one that he gave students when he wasn’t sure how to respond. “Do you like me as more than a friend?”
In her life, she’d often been too much of something for other people. Too much of a brainiac. Too nerdy. Too interested in things no one else was interested in.
Much of the journey God had taken her on so far was a journey toward accepting and then embracing who she was. In this case, being true to herself meant being honest with Ben. “I wish I could say yes. In fact, if I could create a software program that would calibrate a woman’s heart to want to date the most ideal man, then I’d calibrate my heart to want to date you. Of course, if I could create that program, I’d also revolutionize dating and make a mint. But that’s just an aside.”
His expression dimmed. The reaction was subtle, but telling.
“Do you like me as more than a friend?” she asked. “You haven’t answered my initial question.”
“I was kind of hoping you’d forgotten your initial question.”
“I don’t tend to forget things that are important.”