For a moment, it looked like she was going to smile back at me. She didn’t, but she wasn’t scowling, either.
I don’t see Rakel as Zoe, Chay, and I join the line outside the stables. I do spot a tall boy with white-blond hair walking from the library toward the Armory. He pauses, examining the students bunched together outside the doors in our makeshift costumes. Music thuds out through the open doors, as well as shafts of dim red light and artificial smoke.
The red light strikes the boy’s handsome face, illuminating the left side while the right remains shadowed. As he stands watching, his look of irritation turns to an expression of pure fury. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and stalks past, his body so tense that all the muscle on his arms twitches.
“Who was that?” I whisper to Zoe.
“Who?” she says. She’s not looking in the same direction as me, all her attention fixed just inside the doors of the old stables.
“That boy over there—the blond one.”
I point, but it’s too late. He disappeared into the darkness.
“I don’t know,” Zoe says, sounding distracted.
We’re next to go inside. I see Leo and Anna already waiting for us, with Hedeon Gray a few feet beyond them. Miles and Ozzy are manning the door.
Miles greets us warmly, refusing to let us pay our entry fee.
“I told him not to charge you,” Ozzy says, winking at Chay. “Don’t let him take credit for that. Or for this, either.”
He slips Chay a little baggie that she immediately tucks in her pocket.
“Ozzy!” she says. “Are you trying to be charming?”
“Depends.” He grins. “Is it working?”
Ozzy isn’t good-looking, not compared to Miles, Leo, or Ares, but he does have a brilliant smile with dimples on both sides. It takes over his whole face and makes you think that he might be handsome after all.
Chay seems to think the same as she gives Ozzy a quick kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately, the effect only lasts until she lays eyes on Ares, leaned up against one of the ancient wooden support pillars next to Hedeon.
Ares isn’t as flashy as Leo or Miles. He dresses in the plainest, cheapest clothes, and his dark, shaggy hair always looks like it needs cutting. He’s reserved and unassuming. But he has a kind of quiet strength that’s powerful all the same. I often find myself looking at him, without any particular reason. When he does speak, his voice is deep and resonate. The kind of voice that vibrates in your bones.
Chay is drawn to him like a butterfly to a flower. I can’t tell if Ares likes her in return. He strikes me as someone who keeps very tight control over his emotions at all times.
He reminds me of Zoe, actually. Thoughtful. Responsible. Never acting on impulse.
I guess that’s why I feel like I understand him, even though we’ve barely spoken.
You can learn a lot about people just by watching.
I’m not disinterested just because I’m shy. I actually like being surrounded by people, when no one is bothering me. I like seeing the little flashes that pass between people, the hidden indicators of who they are and what they’re thinking and how they feel about each other.
I love to see how Leo always checks to see Anna’s reaction whenever he’s said something funny or outrageous. I like how Anna touches him continually, her hand alighting briefly on his arm or his thigh, her back leaning up against his chest, as if to reassure herself that he’s still there.
I love how Chay is always so conscious that everyone be included in the group. She pulls me into the center of our cluster of friends, dancing with me until she’s sure I feel comfortable, then switching over to Hedeon, who at first shakes his head in a sullen sort of way, but then relents and even cracks a smile when Chay tries to twirl him around.
I like how Ares is thoughtful, checking to see if anyone wants a drink before getting one for himself.
I love how beautiful my sister looks, even next to girls as gorgeous as Anna and Chay. My sister’s good qualities shine out of her face: her intelligence, her honesty, her determination to do what she feels is right, even when it’s difficult, even if it’s impossible.
I’ve never had a circle of friends like this, who make me feel safe and accepted. I know they’re Zoe’s friends really, but they’ve welcomed me with open arms, as if I’m just as important and interesting as her, even though I’m not.
Kingmakers still terrifies me. I’m covered in bruises and cuts, from a variety of classes.
Yet . . . I don’t hate it here. I could even imagine a time that I might like it. Maybe on my graduation day, if I somehow learn how to fight between now and then, and I stop embarrassing myself every other day. Stranger things have happened.
Speaking of which, I spot Rakel on the opposite side of the stables. She isn’t wearing a costume, though she looks like she might be because she’s dressed in her normal civilian clothes, which include enough chains and safety pins to set off a whole airport’s worth of metal detectors.
I hold up the drink Ares brought me in a kind of cheers.
To my utter shock, Rakel raises her drink in return.
It’s not much, but compared to the first day of school, it feels like I’ve come a long way.
10
Zoe
“Hold up,” Miles says.
He’s looking at the doorway where Dax Volker and Jasper Webb are trying to enter.
“Let me get rid of the party crashers,” he tells me. “Go on with Chay and Anna if you like—I’ll find you in a bit.”
It’s difficult to locate my friends in the tightly-packed press of students, with only dim red lights illuminating my way. Miles’ parties are always busier and better-organized than the random get-togethers thrown by other students. I’m continually surprised what he manages to pull off under all the restrictions of the island—he’s so resourceful.
The professors are well aware that we throw parties in the stables, and they don’t seem to care as long as the mayhem doesn’t spill out into other areas of campus.
Even in the chilliest parts of winter, it’s plenty warm in here, especially once everyone starts dancing. The red lights throw up wild, demonic shadows from the gyrating bodies and the piles of old furniture heaped up on the far end of the space.
I know Anna and Chay will be dancing, because it’s their favorite thing to do. I actually love dancing too, though I haven’t had as many opportunities to do it other than at stuffy parties with my father and Daniela, or in my own bedroom.
I find the two girls with Cat between them, and Leo, Ares, Hedeon, and Matteo Ragusa completing the circle.
I wish I were as graceful as Anna, or as uninhibited as Chay. I feel a little stiff at first, until Miles’ punch takes hold and I start to relax. The music is pounding, the weight of all our bodies shaking the wide wooden floorboards.
Drugs — UPSAHL
Spotify → geni.us/rebel-spotify
Apple Music → geni.us/rebel-apple
After a minute, Ozzy joins us.
“Who’s covering the door?” Anna asks, looking sharply toward the entrance.
“Miles is paying Kasper Markaj to do it,” Ozzy says. “Don’t worry, no assholes tonight. Or at least, none we don’t like.”