“And wait patiently for news of your death?” I jab a finger at his chest. “I would never do that. I won’t sit still when I can help you.”
“Help me by exposing yourself to Lazlo? Do you think he’ll leave you alone now?”
“I don’t care about any of that. The only thing I could think about was getting you back alive.” My voice cracks and the tears I resisted last night barge into my eyes. “How could you do that to me? How could you leave me behind as if I mean nothing?”
“Nothing?” His jaw and voice tighten. “If you meant nothing, I wouldn’t have walked toward death for you.”
“Who asked you to walk toward death for me? Since when are you a hero? You’re a villain, so act like one and take responsibility for your actions.”
“My actions?”
“You made me addicted to you and unable to function unless I get my fix, so don’t you dare think you can leave and expect me to let you go without a fight.” Tears cascade down my cheeks and my throat closes from the straining force behind my words.
“Lenochka…” He extends a hand to me and I step out of his reach.
“Don’t Lenochka me. I’m mad at you right now. Do you have any idea of the number of scenarios that went through my head when I ran after the car and couldn’t catch up? I thought it was the last time I’d see you, that I’d be widowed, that Jer would be orphaned. You would’ve killed me right along with you and ended the life you spent a lot of time and effort to save. Just what were you hoping for? That I’d get over you and pick up the pieces of my life as if you were never in it?”
“With time, yes. Isn’t that what you wanted all along? A life away from me?”
“Idiot. Fucking idiot. You think I can live away from you when you’re the one who gave meaning to my life?” I sniffle. “I only said those words because of my fears and never once meant them.”
His usually savage eyes soften, despite the map of bruises on his face. “No?”
“No! What about you, then? Did you really want me to move on? What if I found myself another man, huh?”
All softness disappears and his eyes rage with an intense gray as he clenches his jaw. “Kolya would kill him.”
“He couldn’t possibly kill all of them.”
“He could.”
“Then I would meet them behind Kolya’s back.”
“Lia…” he warns.
“What, Adrian? What? You’re the one who wanted me to move on.”
“Fuck that.” He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to him, flattening my front against his hard chest as he breathes harshly. “You think I would ever want you with another man? That’s like gutting myself with my own hands. You’re mine and I only ever want you to stay mine, not someone else’s.”
“Then don’t say you’ll leave me again. You’re my last stop and I plan to stay, not move on.”
“You’re my last stop, too.”
My heart flutters and my stomach churns at the tenderness and determination in his tone. We remain like that for a few seconds, soaking each other’s existences. I want to hug him and bawl in his chest like that time at the hospital after my career ended.
It’s been long years, but I still look back at that memory as the moment I started falling in love with him. Ballet was the only thing that made sense in my life and when I lost it, I was aimless and without purpose. Everything felt useless and empty.
He was the exception.
Not only did he slowly fill the hollow gaps, but he also disallowed me from running away. He became my shield and continued to even when I scratched the armor and attempted to destroy it.
A deep sigh leaves him. “You have to keep in mind that it’ll only get worse now.”
I blink, pulling myself out of my reverie. “Worse how?”
“Lazlo will obviously think that I hid your existence from him on purpose. Sergei and everyone in the brotherhood will keep a closer eye on both of us. And there’s still that fucker, Luca, and no one knows where he’s hiding.”
My palm lies on his chest and I stroke it lightly. I don’t want to stop touching him, feeling him, making sure he’s indeed here and not dead. “It can only get worse for so long before it gets better.”
He caresses my cheek with the tips of his fingers. “I wouldn’t be so optimistic if I were you, Lenochka.”
“I am. Everything you mentioned is scary, but none of it terrifies me as much as the thought of losing you. As long as we’re together, I can get through anything.”
“Is that so?”
“Absolutely.” I run my fingers over the cut in his lip and frown. “Does it hurt much?”
“Not as much as the thought of never seeing you again or leaving you unprotected.”
“Then don’t ever think about that again. I mean it, Adrian. You couldn’t get rid of me even if you tried. We took vows and I intend to keep them.”
“I thought you didn’t like those vows.”
“Who says I don’t?”
He raises a brow. “The fact that you begged me not to marry you.”
“I hated the way you forced me into it without talking to me about it while I was still mourning the end of my career, but I’ve never regretted marrying you. It was supposed to happen sooner or later.”
“Just as I told you. You’re finally coming back to my words.”
“Shut up.” I get on my tiptoes and he lowers his head so I can brush my lips against his.
Tears still cling to my lids, but they’re happy tears. Relief tears.
Because unlike yesterday, I can finally breathe. I finally have the air that I’ve been deprived of since the moment he left me behind in that snowstorm.
Now, I have my oxygen back.
And I intend to keep it that way, even if I have to resort to ways Adrian wouldn’t approve of.
What my husband doesn’t know is that he isn’t the only one bent on protecting me. I’d do the same.
With my life, if I have to.
28
Lia
After I go to console Winter and make sure she’s comfortable—and without Kolya being her guard from hell, I spend the rest of the day with Adrian and Jeremy.
Our son asks why his papa is hurt and I tell him that he was hit by bad guys. My husband raised his brows at that but didn’t say anything.
In the evening, however, Adrian leaves me to put Jeremy to sleep and heads into his office. I know exactly what he’ll do and I will not sit still and allow it to happen.
So as soon as Jer falls asleep, I go to his office and step inside without knocking on the door. Sure enough, Adrian is sitting behind his desk as Kolya, Boris, and Yan stand in a line, their postures rigid.
“What are you doing here, Lia?” My husband doesn’t hide his displeasure at my barging in. He never likes me in the vicinity of his men, outside of necessity.
While I enjoyed Yan’s company in the past, I’ve made it my mission to stay away from Adrian’s business. I can count the number of times I’ve been inside his office, and most of them had something to do with sex.