Sitting in my car, I checked my messages. There was one from Gwen.
Gwen: Headstrong Foundation floored when they saw you in pics with Bay. Heads up, they’re asking her to perform at the SeptemberWeen Carnival.
I stared at the screen, my heart hammering into overdrive. First, there were pictures of Bay and I floating around. They could only be from when we were having coffee. They had now been shared everywhere. Was the pain etched on her face as slicing as I’d remembered? As I’d drawn? How fucked was it that other people were trading in these pics like it was no big deal?
Second…
Me: Did she respond?
Gwen: They’re still waiting to hear back from her people
I dropped my head back against the headrest.
She had to be inundated with requests like these. The odds she’d remember my foundation were small. Her people would screen it out. Headstrong Foundation was a small, new organization. There were hundreds, if not thousands, doing the same thing and trying to make a difference, but she didn’t have infinite time. It didn’t mean she’d make room in her schedule for me.
It was dangerous hoping she would. When the door had closed behind me on Friday, I’d made peace with it being the last time I saw her. The protective streak and my old instincts had shown me that I still hadn’t come as far as I’d thought.
But this was different. If she said yes, it might have nothing to do with me. Maybe it would be her charity check box for the year. Maybe she’d accept and walk away once she realized I was involved. Or maybe this was the universe giving us another chance. A second chance’s second chance.
And maybe I would be ready this time.
9
Bay
The flight from Atlanta took off on time, even though there were delays on the main runways. The perks of flying private. Sometimes, though, I longed for a cramped middle seat, a hint of the normalcy I had once taken for granted.
Today’s session with Leon had gone better than on Saturday and Sunday, but something felt off. I’d woken up in a cold sweat thinking about working with him for two months solid before launching into a new tour. He was one of the best. He’d come highly recommended. Every album he worked on went platinum. I’d be stupid to back out. I could suck it up and get the work done.
I trusted Holden with my career, and, at times, my life. I trusted him to guide me in the right direction, but it had been hard to settle into anything that felt like comfortable during those two sessions. But some things took longer to meld together than others. I’d work harder and do what I needed to fall in line. Leon didn’t have a room full of Grammys because he didn’t know what he was doing.
“Earth to Bay, will you be joining us this evening?” Holden sat across from me at the four-seater table behind the long couch running along one side of the plane.
“Do you know the first time I got onto one of these, I thought I’d never be on one again?” The cream and gold interior screamed understated classic like the polo match in Pretty Woman. A fresh floral arrangement sat in a glass bowl on every table. Living in this bubble was weird.
“You definitely didn’t act like it. You were a bit distracted.” He set down his tablet and folded his hands on top of it. Over the years we’d both changed a lot. He’d gone from a fledgling manager under Maddy’s wing to the solo wrangler of the Bay show. Maddy handled the big things, but Holden was my day-to-day number one. We felt like a team, both in way over our heads and keeping this ship plowing through the waves even though sometimes it felt like we had no idea where it might end up.
The watch he’d bought when we were in Paris peeked from beneath his crisp white cuff. Not a Rolex—that was far too common for Holden. It was a Patek Philippe. It cost more than a year of my college tuition, but it suited him.
He looked like he’d been born on a private jet. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him in jeans before.
“I was distracted.”
“A lot like you are now.” He waved his hand in my direction.
“There’s a lot on my mind.” My reflection stared right back at me in the window.
“We have the second half of a three-continent, forty-eight-city tour to finish in two months, we need to finish up all the pre-work for the new album, decide on the promo tour and Maddy is going to want to talk to you about the contract negotiations for the new multi-album deal. There’s not a lot of time for distractions.”
“I know.” Beyond my reflection, the dark sky was filled with clouds and stars seemed pinned to the horizon. There was always a lot to do. Half the time I didn’t know what I’d be doing from day to day without Holden and Emily shepherding me from one location to the next. At each stop, I never knew the full extent of what was in store for me until I arrived. There wasn’t enough time for that.
He let out a long, low breath, the kind that meant something big happened. I’d heard it right before he announced my album had gone to number one, but he also used it to tell me I’d gotten a threatening letter and Eric would need some backup to keep me safe for a few months a year ago. It was always a toss-up on what kind of news the breath brought.
“Lay it on me.” I wiggled the fingers of both hands. “Stop holding back and freaking me out.”
“We get a lot of requests for you to do benefits and charity work.” He tapped his thumbnail against his lips.
That was his deep thought move. Not bad, not good. The benefits and charity requests were information I already knew. With my schedule like it was, we tried to fit in as many as we could. It wasn’t always possible. But I couldn’t relax yet.
He was never this cagey when it came to saying no, if we couldn’t make it work. “A new batch arrived and I thought you should maybe make the decision this time around.”
There was more to this. He didn’t drop the serious face unless he was worried. The drone of the engines drowned out the clench in my heart.
Sliding the tablet across the table, he watched me.
What the hell could be on here that had him acting so weird? The names at the top were standard ones we’d worked with before, but his careful attention put me on edge.
I scanned down the list. The dates for many wouldn’t work when lined up against my schedule. “Can we give them all a nice bundle of merchandise I can sign for their auctions or to giveaway? And maybe I could do a video call in or something.”
“For all of them?” His pointed stare sent me back to the list.
Why didn’t he just spit it out? I glared at him and looked back to the list, running through each one until the new name I’d missed before jumped out at me. Only it wasn’t new. I’d heard it before.
My head shot up. “Is this his foundation? Keyton’s?”
Holden nodded. “Yes.”
“Did he ask for me?” Hope flared in my chest. “Did you do this? Did you contact them?”
He sighed shaking his head. “I didn’t touch it after you said to leave it alone.” His tone leeched disapproval.
“But I did make sure it was added to the list, just in case. Someone from their events department contacted Emily, possibly after the pictures of you two hit the web.”
My hope plummeted just as quickly. He probably hadn’t asked for me as a way to see me again. It had probably been his people.