I’m a bundle of nerves as I walk to the bathroom. When I peer in the mirror; a dewier, much more polished version of myself looks back at me. My hair is braided and pinned up. My makeup is a little more extravagant than I usually go with. My lashes… my goodness! I love them long like this. I wonder what Charlie will think.
I run my fingers down the length of my dress, which is the ocean blue silk with triangular side cutouts I bought before I knew I’d be in the party. I twirl a bit feeling giddy, and smile at the way the floor-length gown moves.
“Grace!” Ellie calls and snaps me out of my little fantasy. Today isn’t my day. It’s Ali’s. “In here!” I call out but she’s already in the doorway.
“You look so pretty,” she comments with a smile that widens. I match it and tell her she looks gorgeous too.
“Love your dress,” I add and with my comment she does a half swirl with her skirt.
“It’s so funny how each of our dresses are different but they go together. These pictures are going to be A-ma-zing.” She emphasizes.
I can only nod, not trusting myself to speak. Sleep evaded me last night, knowing that after today, Charlie and I are probably going to be done with. It’s just for fun. That’s all it ever was. The pictures are just a reminder that I lied to his sister and mother.
I feel like a fraud taking part in this moment. As much as I feel bad for Ali, having some soon-to-be stranger in her photos, I feel more sickly knowing once tonight is done, the charade is over. I think Charlie would let it continue a while. But I can’t keep doing this, pretending like this is okay. It’s not just fun for me. Not anymore. I’m falling for him… hard. And I’m only going to end up hurt.
“The bridesmaids are all meeting downstairs for pre-wedding toasts.”
“Oh! Okay. Let me get my boots, and I’ll be right down. Don’t wait for me. I don’t want to hold anything up.” Where the hell did I leave those boots? The suite is littered with purses and makeup bags and all sorts of wedding paraphernalia.
Elli gives me a quick, “be fast” heading out of the room with the other girls. I make sure to thank the makeup artist and hair stylist, then hunt for my boots which are our wedding gift from Ali.
I check the shoe rack in the closet. They’re the only pair left. I’m careful sitting down on the bed not to mess my dress up so I can pull the boots on. The leather is fresh; the boots still brand new.
Who’d have guessed that the shine on my boots would last longer than my relationship with Charlie? Without sleep and all of these people around me who I’ve lied to, my insecurities are on full blast.
Anyone with eyes could’ve seen that coming, I tell myself. My throat feels tight as I stand up and hightail it downstairs. Exiting the elevator, I pick up my dress to keep it from dragging as I search for the girls, making my way to the hotel lobby. I pass the ballroom, where the reception will take place. It’s gorgeous. Mostly white and cream with pops of blue hydrangeas and blue glassware. Utterly magazine worthy. After checking a couple of empty rooms, I find the girls drinking from a silver flask in what seems to be a coat closet.
“Hey!” Sam says, eyes twinkling. “We were just warming up.”
“I see that,” I say, smiling. “Is it my turn?”
Lindsay hands the flask to me, and I take a swig. I wince; it’s bourbon.
“Wow. Strong,” I wheeze. Oh my goodness I was not prepared for that.
I pass the flask on to Ali. She looks at it, considering, then shakes her head. “No more for me.” She passes the flask and then shakes out her hands. “The adrenaline is in full swing and I can barely feel the last two shots but I know they’ll hit me.”
“You think the guys are drinking?” Ellie asks.
“The groomsmen definitely are. I saw Chris sneaking a whole bottle of whiskey into their suite earlier,” Sam confirms with a nod and then another short swig.
“I swear, Michael had better not be falling down drunk,” Ali frets, smoothing her hands over her dress.
“Charlie won’t let him drink too much,” I console her without thinking. As if I know whether or not Charlie would stop his soon to be brother-in-law from drinking on his wedding. I’ve never even met Michael.
I’m mostly assuaging Ali’s fears; I have no idea what Charlie will or won’t do.
“Ladies?” the wedding planner asks, poking his head in. “The guests are all seated out on the terrace. They’re ready for you all to line up now.”
“Oh God,” Ali says, gripping Lindsay’s hand. “Oh God.”
Lindsay passes the flask to Sam, then gives Ali a mini pep talk, getting down on her knees in front of Ali.
“You are ready,” she says in a hushed voice. “All you have to do is walk down that aisle, and Michael will be there waiting. You love each other and that’s all that matters. That’s it.”
Ali nods at Lindsay, and I can feel the emotion rolling off of her. Her anxiety and nerves are contagious as I look into her eyes. “I’m really getting married,” she whispers and the girls nod. I don’t know why I’m all teary eyed. After a moment she whispers, “All right. Let’s go.”
Charlie
It’s too warm to be wearing this suit. Evening summer weddings are a thing down here. But it’s still too hot for suits. Looking forward to the moment the ceremony is over, I pull at my collar a bit, loosening my tie just enough so I can breathe. This jacket is getting ditched the second I can take it off. Michael’s to my left, and he looks even worse off than I feel. He clenches and unclenches his hands, shaking them out and shifting his feet.
Ma’s in the front row, and she’s already crying. She glances at each of us and then back down the aisle like she’s done the for the last three minutes. It’s a few minutes past six thirty. It’s time for this thing to get started.
Nearly everyone has eyes on the groom or the card in their hand that they’re using to fan themselves. But Michael doesn’t even seem to notice. His eyes are focused only on the double doors to the venue, waiting for my sister to walk out in her dress.
I lean in and speak to him out of the side of my mouth, hands still clasped in front of me while we wait. “She’s always late; it’s not you.”
He finally tears his eyes from the doors as Chris, one of his good friends and another groomsman, laughs behind me.
“No, it’s definitely you,” Chris says, not even trying to stay quiet. A smile kicks my lips up as Michael wipes his hands off on his pants.
He’s already back to looking at the doors, not a word in response. The poor guy. My sister’s really got him worked up.
“She loves you.” I don’t know why the words slip out. He knows it. Everyone does. He and Ali were meant to be together.
With a slight asymmetric smile, he relaxes a touch and looks back at me, the worry and nerves still there as he nods his head. “I love her too.” The crowd stirs at the sound of an acoustic guitar playing a soft song as the doors finally open.
Here we go; I straighten my back and watch as the first bridesmaid walks out.
My sweetheart. She’s breathtaking. The thin dress swishes as she walks down the aisle of pale blue and white petals. My heart thumps and then seems to stop before madly racing, refusing to stay where it’s supposed to be.