“But not the kind of love you had before,” I finish for him, my voice cracking. “Not the kind of love you can’t live without.”
He holds my gaze for a long moment before resignation settles over his features. “No.”
I mash my lips together, willing away the sob that threatens to break free. Turning, I face the window, vying for some semblance of composure.
“But Magnolia…” he says, his voice hurried, laced with unease. “I do love you, and I’ve—”
“Ask me,” I blurt out, still staring out the window, vision blurry.
There’s a slight pause. “Ask you…what?”
“Ask me if I could live without you if you walked out that door right now and never came back.” Slowly, I turn to face him. “Ask me if I’d be devastated.”
Blue eyes survey me cautiously as if he’s trying to figure out if I’ve lost my ever-loving mind.
Maybe I have.
With obvious hesitance, he asks, “If I walked out that door and never came back, would you be devastated?”
Tears fill my eyes as I finally admit the truth.
There’s only one man who left me in the midst of devastation. Yes, I managed to pick up the pieces and rebuild my world with help, but it’s never been the same.
I’ve never been the same.
When someone who owns your heart and soul leaves, you’re left to repair the wreckage. To somehow make due with a heart that’s never again whole. One that’s weaker and more vulnerable than before.
And the portion of your heart that’s left never stops yearning for its missing piece.
“No,” I whisper raggedly. Guilt settles inside me like a thousand-pound weight.
Instead of being furious or appearing hurt, Grant’s expression hovers between sympathy and remorse. “It’s always been him.” He doesn’t ask this but states it.
I can only nod.
His eyes fall closed and he inhales deeply before releasing a long, slow breath. Once his eyes open, he slides his hands into his pockets.
“Well, then I reckon we have two options.”
I furrow my brow in confusion but listen as he continues.
“You can walk down that aisle today and marry a man who will love you for the rest of his life.” He cocks his head to the side. “I promise I’ll be the best husband I possibly can and I’ll always support you,” he implores. “I would never do anythin’ to bring you shame or make you feel anythin’ less than the amazin’ woman you are.”
A single tear escapes and spills down my cheek. “And option two?”
His smile is tinged with sadness. “We part ways as friends, and you go find yourself the man you can’t live without.”
I lower my chin in defeat, staring down at the carpeted floor, and whisper hoarsely, “I’m not sure I can.”
Fingers lift my chin and he forces me to meet his gently admonishing gaze. “Don’t tell me Magnolia Mae Barton isn’t brave enough to go after true love.”
I let out a pathetic excuse for a laugh. “But what about you?”
“You don’t need to worry about me,” he chides. “I reckon if we announce we changed our minds at the last minute down there, in front of everyone, I’d undoubtedly be the talk of the town.” He flashes me a knowing look, his lips forming a smug grin. “The sympathy from women everywhere would tide me over for years to come.” Even though he smiles, I know him well enough to detect the glimmer of unease in his features.
Shaking my head, I gesture wildly in the direction of the backyard. “But I can’t just—”
“Magnolia,” Grant affectionately scolds me. His heavy palms settle on my shoulders while his eyes bore into mine. “Listen to me. You need to stop worryin’ about everyone else.” He lets a long, quiet moment settle between us, as though allowing me time to soak up his words. “Always go after what you want. Go after your passion. The one thing—or person—you can’t live without.”
Those kind blue eyes I’ve come to know so well crinkle at the corners with his affectionate smile. He leans in to press a soft kiss to my temple, leaving his lips to linger there when he whispers, “Whatever you decide, I’ll always support you. And everyone who loves you will do the same.”
Magnolia
After leaving Grant, the decisions and expectations of me weigh me down more than the thick, oppressing humidity that plagues Fairhope during the summer months.
Just as I lay a hand on the door handle of my room, the wedding planner rushes my way.
“Magnolia, sweetheart. You have only two minutes.” She singsongs the last two words cheerily.
“Yes, ma’am,” I say with a smile. “I’ll be ready.”
She must detect something on my face that she’s seen while dealing with countless brides because her expression clouds. “You let me know if you need anythin’, all right?”
I nod with what I hope is a more convincing smile and slip inside the room, securing the lock behind me. “I just need a moment,” I mutter to myself.
I should also turn off my phone that’s still playing music. Turning, I take two steps to reach where my phone rests on the dresser and—
The object sitting beside my phone stops me dead in my tracks. Cherry Pop Rocks.
“Oh, Hollis,” I say softly.
There’s no way I can resist having some before it’s time for me to leave the room. Just as I pluck the packet from the dresser and tear it open, shaking a few pieces onto my tongue, something catches my eye.
The wastebasket off to the side of the dresser now has a wadded-up piece of paper on top. This wouldn’t be noteworthy in itself, except that I recognize a small portion of the handwriting. The familiar masculine slashes of inked words.
It belongs to the man who had been here just moments earlier.
Carefully setting the candy packet on the dresser, I reach down to withdraw the paper from the trash and smooth it out on the dresser’s polished surface.
Dear Magnolia,
I’m writing this with the delusional hope that maybe it’ll finally help me let go. You’re about to marry the guy who’s perfect for you. The one who can give you everything. The perfect house, family, and future just like your mom always wanted for you. And you deserve it. You deserve happiness.
The truth is, I’ve never once been able to forget about you. Never been able to forget about the way you kiss, the way you felt in my arms. I’ve never been able to erase the memory of the night I had the honor of making love to you. And that’s what it was for me. Making love.
I think I’ve loved you as long as I can remember. Sure, it started off as friends, but at some point, it became more, and it never stopped. God knows I tried to stop it, but dammit, you’re ingrained in my soul. You own my fucking heart. It’s that simple.
Saying goodbye to the woman I love more than anything else in this world has to be the hardest damn thing I think I’ve ever had to do. But I have to do it once and for all. You don’t need me in your life anymore, and God knows I need to get a damn life and move on.
It’s so stupid that I’m writing a letter I’ll never give you, but maybe this shit will work. Maybe I’ll finally be able to get over you.