Tuck’s laughter died in his throat, and he looked away as color blossomed on his cheeks. My gaze was bouncing between the two, who had almost sent me to an early grave, as my heart rate and breathing returned to normal.
“What? Who’s Carrie? I don’t know anything about Carrie.”
“If Cory’s older brother showed that to you, I’m going to need to have a talk with Mrs. McDermott again.”
“Mom, no! Please! I won’t watch anything I’m not supposed to again. Please!”
Delilah and I snorted at the same time. “Ready to bat?” I asked, breaking the tension.
Tuck nodded eagerly and picked up his bat, tapping the corners. I pitched again and held my breath, but he managed to perfectly square up the ball with the bat. It went soaring through the air in a gorgeous arc and landed deep in the outfield. I whistled as Tuck rounded the bases with his hands in the air, making the noises of a cheering crowd.
I cupped my hands around my mouth and put on my best announcer’s voice. “Tucker Moreland rounds the bases as the guys in the outfield scramble for the ball. Will he do it? Will he have his first career inside-the-park home run? Moreland rounds third as Gallo launches a rocket toward home. Will Moreland beat the throw? It’s going to be close. He slides. Safe! Safe! Safe! Moreland is safe! The crowd goes wild!”
Tucker pumped his fists in the air, making the noises of a cheering crowd. Delilah joined in and chanted his name. I ran over to him, picked him up, placed him on my shoulders, and rounded the bases again in a victory jog.
Delilah had her phone out snapping pictures of us, and I felt fuller than I had in ten years.
Chapter 15
Gunner
Rain pelted the side of my face and slid down my neck into the too-tight collar of my shirt. It was just me standing in front of the casket. I didn’t notice when the cemetery workers stepped forward and started to lower it into the ground.
My heartbeat stalled in my chest, and my breath clogged my throat. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do this. I stood frozen as if I were under a spell. Until I heard a scream.
“Stop!” I yelled. “Stop!”
The workers didn’t stop. They kept lowering the casket as if I were invisible and they couldn’t hear my voice. I ran the few steps separating me from the mahogany casket that held my mother. I tried to lift the lid, swearing I could hear her screams and cries.
She wasn’t dead.
She couldn’t be dead.
No.
“Stop! Fucking stop! She’s alive. Can’t you hear her?” I screamed, but the casket was inching down slowly.
Blood was dripping from my fingertips as I tried to pry the rain-slicked wooden lid open with my bare hands. An animalistic roar rumbled in my chest as I gave it everything I had. I stood to tackle the workers to the ground. I’d fucking kill them if I had to. My mother wasn’t going into the ground. She was alive.
She was alive in there. I fucking knew it.
I tackled both men to the ground in one fell swoop, stood, and shook the rain from my face. The black baseball bat that I’d used last season was lying on the ground.
“Hold on, Mom,” I yelled as loudly as I could. “I’ll save you. I’ll save you.”
I kept repeating the words over and over as I picked up the baseball bat and slammed it down on the thick wood. The wood was meant to keep things out, not allow them in. I’d break through. I would. I would get to her and save her. I had to. I fucking had to.
“I’ll save you,” I kept yelling. My throat burned as if someone had dumped acid down it, but I kept yelling and repeating the same words over and over as I took my bat to the hunk of wood.
It came apart splinter by splinter. My arms were shaking and rain clouded my vision, but I didn’t stop until there was a hole. I dropped the bat and threw myself at the casket, peering through the hole.
“Mom? Mom!”
Only it wasn’t her face looking at me. It wasn’t her vibrant, alive eyes staring back at mine. Instead, it was the blank stare of my dead best friend. Declan’s blank stare.
“No,” I roared.
I popped awake, sitting up in bed. My chest was soaked with sweat, and my legs were tangled in the sheets, which had barely managed to stay on the bed. My heart was racing, and I couldn’t catch my breath.
Early morning light shone through the blinds. I picked up my phone, glancing at the time. It was early, but too late to go back to sleep. As if I could anyway.
The thought of not being able to save my mother or Declan would haunt me, and I knew I wouldn’t be getting a decent night’s sleep for a while. I scrubbed a hand down my face and swung my legs to the side of the bed, placing my feet on the floor. I propped my elbows on my knees and held my head in my hands, going through baseball stats in my head as I waited for my heart and breathing to return to normal.
Normal.
What a fucking joke. My life hadn’t been normal for ten years. And it was straying further and further away from normal. I was going to chemo with my mom today. That wasn’t fucking normal. It wasn’t normal to watch the one person you had left being hooked up to tubes that would pump poison into her body.
Poison.
Goddamn fucking poison.
My throat clogged with emotion, and the muscles in my neck tightened even more.
I stood up and walked into the en-suite bathroom and flicked on the cold water from the sink. I splashed water on my face and looked in the mirror. My eyes had never looked so dark before. My dark brown hair was even messier than usual and was slicked with sweat and in knots from tossing and turning.
I planned to be at Mom’s early today to take her to chemo, but I wasn’t going to drive over there right now. I was going to run. A six-and-a-half-mile run was exactly what my body needed. My mind too. Hopefully, the echo of my feet hitting the pavement would drown out the noise in my head.
I threw some clothes into a bag, so I could shower over at her place. No point in doing it now, I would only be getting sweaty again. I dressed for a run, laced up my running shoes, and headed out the door. I stuck my earbuds in my ears and cranked the volume as loud as I could stand.
And I took off. With every thought of my mom and Declan that entered my mind, I stepped up my pace, as if I could outrun Declan’s dead eyes and the fear that I wouldn’t be able to save my mother. That I would lose her too.
The street lights lining Main Street were dimming as the sun rose higher in the sky. A few early fishermen were sitting on the far bank of the lake on the edge of town. I lifted a hand in greeting and flicked my fingers as I passed each of them. As each returned the hello, Declan’s dead eyes stared at me through theirs.
I picked up my pace again. And again, as I passed the cemetery.
By the time I’d made it to Mom’s, my shirt was soaked through and my body vibrated like I’d run twelve miles instead of six. I slowly walked up her driveway on jelly legs and knocked on the door. It seemed nothing could raise my spirits.
And once again, she proved me wrong. When everything felt like it could crush me at any moment, she could always bring a smile to my face. Mom opened the door and immediately pinched her nose and waved a hand in front of it.
“Think you could shower next time?”
“I ran here.”