I’m going to have to work at gaining Riley’s trust, but I’m up to the challenge.
Before I get out of my car, I take a moment to collect my thoughts as I stare at myself in the rearview mirror. I know I look good in a white dress shirt, the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled halfway up my forearms, with dark gray slacks. I was going to go with black, but I decided the gray was just a little less funereal.
I also realized that I might need to seriously brighten up my wardrobe if I’m going to spend time with Riley. It works fine at Life Corp, but looking at it now, I realize I spend most days looking like one of the Men in Black.
But more than my outfit, what strikes me is that my eyes are filled with light, almost as if that hope inside me is visible. I always thought that ‘eyes are windows to the soul’ thing was pure bullshit, but maybe not. Or maybe Riley’s already made me more fanciful with her over the top positivity?
When I knock on the door, I hear the same scrabble of toenails on the tile and yapping, and it makes me smile. He might only be fourteen pounds, he might flop over as soon as you say ‘belly rub’, but Raffy’s a damn good alarm system at least.
“Noah?” Riley says through the door, and it opens up a crack.
“Were you expecting someone else? I’m right on time,” I joke, but she doesn’t smile. “I come bearing gifts,” I tell her, holding up the cherry-covered cheesecake enticingly.
Riley’s door closes, and I hear the chain slide, and a moment later, she lets me in. She’s wearing pale blue jeans with rips along the thighs, a thin yellow tank top, and bare feet, showing off that cute yellow pedicure. I fight the urge to kiss her once more.
Go slow, man. For all her exuberance, she’s skittish where you’re concerned.
Raffy, remembering me from last time, immediately starts wiggling his nub of a tail, happy to have someone around to spoil him.
“You brought me cheesecake,” Riley says bluntly as she takes the container from me and sets it on the kitchen counter. She turns around, and I stand up from where I’ve knelt to sneak Raffy one of his blueberry muffin treats. Riley’s brows go up when she sees her dog drooling over the crunchy biscuit. “And you’re spoiling my dog. Why?”
I square my shoulders. “He’s important to you, so he’s going to be important to me.”
She blinks slowly, a tiny line between her brows growing deeper each time her eyes close and open. “I always have something to say, some positive quote or encouraging words, but . . . I’ve got nothing.”
“I’ll take it as a good sign that I’ve rendered you speechless with my charms.” I offer a gentle smile, and slowly, she returns it.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” she blurts. I’m not sure she meant to say it because she clacks her mouth closed, looking horrified.
“What?” I say in shock.
Haven’t I made it abundantly clear that I want her? Want this?
“Look, Noah . . . I’m in. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since . . .” She swallows, as if steeling her nerves before continuing, “That kiss. I’ve thought about our messages as Rachel and Mark, our conversation, about Arielle and River . . . I’ve thought about everything, and I just . . . Why me?”
Her big blue eyes look up at me, confusion written in the swirling emotions there.
“Because . . .”
I pause, stopping myself before I can say something easy like ‘you’re beautiful.’ As true as that may be, it’s superficial.
I need to be deeper. I need to be honest in the way I was when I thought Riley was ‘Rachel’, when it was words on a screen and not the sheer physical presence in front of me. And honestly, I am not good at this.
I hate not being good at something.
But I man up because I have to. Because she’s worth it and I have never backed down from something just because it’s hard. I’ve been thinking about what I want to say, practicing it in my head, editing and revising it so that it’s the best it can be because this conversation might be the most important one I’ve ever had. I’m ready for this.
Stepping into her, I crowd her space to be close to her, but I keep my hands at my side, not letting myself touch her until I say what I need to say and she understands.
I inject every bit of earnest truth I possess into my words. “Riley, from the first time I read your profile, I felt a connection between us. I was shocked, and at first, I couldn’t believe it. Hell, the reason I replied was because I just couldn't believe that some AI had found such a perfect match for me.
“But then we started messaging. And it was like a switch flipped in my brain. I’m proud to say that I love what I do. I like working at Life Corp, and I still have aims for the top of the tower. And for years, I’ve put Life Corp first, burying myself in my work, thriving there and enjoying every moment of it. But the thrill I’ve gotten from my work is nothing compared to what happens when my phone dings and I know it’s you. My heart races with excitement, and I can’t open the message fast enough to see what you’ve said. Usually, I’d be mad at anything that interrupts my work, but I feel like work interrupts me from talking to you, not the other way around.”
I take a deep breath, letting it out in one long whoosh. That was hard to say, even harder to realize, and I know I’ll need to do some hours of number crunching later to make it up to myself.
“You haunt me. It guts me that I hurt you when you were just a kid with big dreams and I was so damn jealous I was choking on my own insecurities.” I shake my head, focusing on the here and now and the things I can change. “I can’t believe how open we were with one another in those messages, when you were Rachel and I was Mark. And that kiss?” I look at her lips, wanting desperately to touch them, taste them, but I haven’t earned them yet. “I can’t live with myself if I don’t at least try. We deserve that much. Do you understand?”
She’s not smiling. She hasn’t smiled once while I’ve rambled on frantically. She looks shell-shocked, her mouth open in a little ‘O’ of surprise and her eyebrows high on her forehead. I can even see the whites around her blue eyes.
I think she might have blown a fuse. Just when I’m about to start checking for signs of a stroke, she nods slowly and clears her throat. “Okay. Okay, wow. That’s . . . wow.” She fans herself, and I’m still not quite sure she’s okay because she’s repeating words and she’s kinda known for being adept with them.
And then she laughs, loud and bright and happily, and I think my heart finally beats again.
“Oh, my gosh, that was amazing!” she shouts, letting a wiggle worm its way through her body. I think she just let my words wash over and through her. And they worked, or at least, they’re working.
I smile at how adorable she is. I genuinely smile at her utter joy at being told how much I want her, want this. She believes me, thankfully, because I can honestly say that I don’t know if I would be as forgiving of me if she’d said to me what I said to her all those years ago. At some point, I should thank River for covering for me back then so that it didn’t fester inside Riley the way it could’ve. I owe him for that, at least.
“Now what?” Riley says, nearly vibrating with excitement.