Mustering every ounce of courage inside me, I say, “Back at the training facility, you asked me what I wanted from you and I told you I didn’t know.” I pause and connect my eyes with hers. “I was lying.”
“What do you mean, you lied?” she asks, clutching her Bobbies tank at the collar, her eyes wavering between mine.
Here it goes. The invite. The end to this journey.
Swallowing hard, I say, “Tomorrow night, meet me in the dugout. Our dugout.”
“What?” she asks, caught off guard.
“Eight.” I smile. “Don’t be late.”
I begin to walk away but she steps out into the hallway halting me while holding the door open with her foot. “What if I don’t show up?”
Nerves churn in my stomach as she directly calls out my worst fear. What if she doesn’t show up? Then I try to swallow the biggest mistake I ever made.
“Then I’ll take that as my cue to get a hint . . . and leave you alone,” I say softly, recycling the same words I told her over a year ago.
Without turning back around, I leave, not physically able to take in her reaction. I don’t have it in me to see what she’s truly thinking. Even though the wait will be torturous and undeniably long, I will prolong hearing her answer—learning what my fate is—because at least right now, I know there’s at least a chance.
Knox: Is she there? Are you holding hands? Kissing? What’s happening?
Jason: I know, I can’t take the anticipation. I’m going to throw up in my shoes. I need to know what’s happening.
Romeo: I don’t know why you dipshits are nervous. He has this in the bag. Have you seen the guy’s forearms lately? #deadly
Knox: Thanks to me. I taught him everything he knows in the weight room.
Scoffing, I type back, trying to keep myself distracted from the fact that Milly is five minutes late.
Carson: You taught me jack shit.
Knox: Noooo. You answered. Does that mean she’s late?
Jason: Do you really think he would be texting us if she was there?
Holt: What is going on? Why am I always on the outside of these conversations? Is it because I’m on the West Coast? Don’t hate.
Knox: Carson is confessing his love to Milly. We’re on tenterhooks here, waiting to see if she shows up.
Jason: As of now, she’s six minutes late.
Carson: Thanks for the reminder.
Romeo: Don’t get your balls all curdled. Flash her one nipple and she’s yours. I saw your pecs this past winter, they be poppin’, bro.
Holt: Maybe you should let Romeo confess his love for you. Seems like you have a good shot at making a match with him.
Romeo: Hey, love is love. Come to Daddy, big boy.
Carson: Jesus Christ. Stop texting me. I’ll let you know what happens later.
I pocket my phone and steeple my hands together, resting my chin on my fingers as I pace the length of the tiny dugout. Standing here, by myself, I can’t avoid the flashbacks of the many hours I spent with Milly on this sacred field. The first time she schooled me in how long you have to pick up a baseball. The dinners we shared on the bench, facing each other and laughing uncontrollably. The many games of bucket ball we played, her winning every single time.
The coy smiles.
The hearty laughs.
The hidden glances.
The joy from her saying yes to me.
The first taste of her beautiful lips.
The start of us.
A relationship was built on this field, a foundation of something incredibly amazing. It’s why I’m here again, to spring off that foundation and hopefully continue to build and develop what we have.
I glance at my watch, seven minutes late.
Fuck.
That’s so unlike Milly.
I’m desperate to text her, to see if she’s on her way. Then again, if she chose not to show up, that would be upsetting, so instead I keep my hands where they are as far away from my phone as possible.
If she doesn’t come, what’s my next step? I know I said I would take her decision like a man, but deep down, I know that’s a lie. I can’t leave it at this, right? Letting a no-show be the complete end of our relationship?
Then again, I let a hateful and ugly text be the end the first time.
Is this my punishment? Karma coming back to bite me in the ass?
As the time ticks by, the crickets chirping the only background noise filling the silent space, a sense of dread washes over me. Too much damage has been done. I had hopes that there possibly could have been an inkling of feelings still inside her, but the more I think about it, the more I start to wonder, does her hate for me overshadow any possible buried feelings?
With a half hour passing by, I think it has.
Deflated, I take a seat on the bench of the dugout and bury my hands in my hair, pulling on the strands out of pure frustration.
I might have accomplished my goal to be in the big leagues within three years, but what good is it if I have no one to share it with? I only had twenty-two years with my dad. And I’ve lost the chance of having forever with my girl.
I’m right back where I started, a talented player with no one in the stands to cheer for me.
Chapter Sixty-Five
MILLY
Shane dropped me off at the entrance of the park half an hour ago, forcing me to at least hear the man out, but instead of making my way down the hill to the only lit-up field in the area, my feet stay planted.
I don’t think I’m ready for this.
I don’t think my heart can take whatever he’s about to say. I’m already teetering on the edge of utter heartbreak and hope.
I gave him everything I had. I took a chance, handed over my heart to this man, and he turned it away, slammed a door on me . . . on us. Pushed me away so far that I never thought I’d even talk to him again.
And then he shows up.
Life back in his eyes, an apology in his words, hope in his heart. Voice so soft, his strong hands so tender, his soul reaching out to me, I felt his apology all the way to the marrow of my bones and yet, here I stand, next to a giant oak tree with its rustling leaves, arms crossed over my chest, and a stubborn set in my feet.
My phone vibrates in my hand and instant dread sets in, wondering if it’s Carson asking if I’m coming, but when I see Shane’s name flash across the screen, I swipe to read.
Shane: You’re never going to know if what he can offer is the best thing to ever happen to you if you don’t walk down that GD hill and find out.
I knew he wouldn’t go far. When I told him about the invitation, he told me I had to go, if anything to find out what he has to say. Shane has always thought Carson and I belonged together. He told me last night even throughout college, he could see it, the way I changed whenever Carson was around. He instilled a sense of confidence in me that Shane had never seen, and even though the breakup was harsh, Shane didn’t deny if he would have done the same thing.
Lips thinned and pressed together, I type him back.
Milly: I’m scared. I don’t have another heart for him to break. The one I have is barely being held together.
Shane: Then when you get down there, make sure he knows that. He’s making a grand gesture, Mills. He’s not here to break your heart, he’s here to mend it.