That's probably how Konstantin feels, chirped a voice in my mind.
I looked to Kon. He was moving Niko's juice box away from his elbow, warning him not to knock it over. He didn't sound angry or cruel, just a father warning his son before a disaster happened.
"I'll leave you two alone then." I had to practically haul the words up my throat. "I want to go and see Danika anyway."
Kon's lips twisted in displeasure at the mention of her name. I could see the worry brewing beneath his charismatic exterior. Kon adored Danika and considered her a little sister–and daughter. If anything was to happen to her...
It was too dreadful to even contemplate.
Not only what Kon would do…but what I would do.
“Bye Mama!” Nikolai didn’t seem too sorry to see me go.
As I went to leave, a pile of papers caught my eye. The document was resting on the bookcase, but it had no spine. I knew what it was before I saw the title. My journal article: my first attempt at trying to enter a world my family didn’t want to go anywhere near.
I brushed my fingers over it, surprised by how thick it was. I had never dared to print it out.
“If you promise to return it, you can take it,” Konstantin said.
I looked over my shoulder at him. Our eyes met in a collision of intensity.
“That’s okay,” I replied. “It’s yours.”
His nostrils flared as the double-meaning to my words became clear. For a second, I thought he was going to say something, but Niko spilled his juice. It spilled over the mahogany desk, staining documents purple.
Konstantin grabbed the juice box, then scooped Niko from his chair. Already a dark stain had grown over his t-shirt and pants, making him look like he had a bladder accident.
“Oopsie!” Niko laughed. “I did a pee!”
“You peed cranberry juice?” Konstantin set him down on the floor and tried to save some documents.
I winked at Niko, neither of us helping Kon. “I’m going to go and see Auntie Danika. Help Kon clean up.”
Konstantin sent me a loaded look as I left, my laughter rising up to the house’s ceiling.
My amusement died the second I saw Danika. She had been transported to the estate after surgery, as had her doctors and the equipment. She was alive, stable but sleeping fitfully or in a medication fog when awake.
Roman was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, beside her bed. It was the best position to see everyone who came in and out, as well as keep an eye on Danika. Anton was also here, lying on the ground and reading a book.
“Hi boys,” I murmured softly. “How is she?”
“She’s sleeping. Finally,” Roman said.
I smoothed down her hair. Roksana must have braided it to stop knots from forming–it felt like something Roksana would do.
“Are you keeping your aunt and uncle company?” I asked Anton.
He nodded. “I don’t want Auntie Danika to be lonely.”
“She loves your company, so she’ll be overjoyed.” My eyes went to Roman. Grief was holding his expression in place, but his features remained warped into a scowl. “Do you want me to sit with her while you shower and eat?”
He shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I pressed a kiss to Danika’s forehead, murmured my love for her, before leaving. I stopped by the doorway, assessing these three people I loved.
Seeing Danika hurt had been pure agony. When her life had hung in the balance, I’d been suffocating on pain and terror. She had survived this one time, but what about all the other threats Tatiana would bring to our doorstep?
What if Tatiana hurt Roman or Anton? What if she hurt Danika again–and the second time was worse than the first?
I loved these people too much to leave…I had chosen to stay, to step back into my family’s waiting embrace.
Now I had to make another choice.
Tatiana had broken their hearts. My heart. Though, my love for her had switched to hatred after her betrayal–my ability to hate easier than love serving me well for once–the other members in my family were not like that. It wasn’t so easy for them to resent her.
None of them should have to go through the pain of killing someone they loved–or had loved. I could save them from that pain, make sure they didn’t spend the rest of their lives having nightmares about what they’d to do. I could keep them safe–just like they had always kept me safe.
I made my decision.
Tatiana would die.
She would die by my hand. Not my family’s, not the enemy organizations’ or government’s.
Mine.
But first, there was something else I had to do.
Konstantin was joined by Artyom and Evva in the study. Niko and Evva were chatting to each other excitedly, their child-like blabber hard to understand, while Kon and Artyom spoke at a lower volume.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I entered.
Niko and Evva came bouncing towards me immediately. “Can we go see loshadi?” my son asked. “Please, Mama. Pleeease.”
“Please, Auntie Lena,” Evva added, voice much sweeter than Niko’s.
I held up a hand and they both fell silent. “Who’s taking you?”
“Uncle Artyom–”
“Daddy,” was the reply.
I met Artyom’s eyes across the room. “This is okay?”
He nodded. “You’re all invited. We’re just going to walk around the estate.” The quiet stress beneath Artyom’s expression was obvious if you were looking for it. He was worried about Danika like the rest of us, but he was putting his worry to good use: entertaining the kids while their aunt recovered upstairs.
“You three go ahead,” I said. “I want to speak to Konstantin quickly.”
Artyom’s eyes glinted, a rare sign of love from the serious man. As he went to leave, he clapped my shoulder, before sweeping the children out of the room. Both left with a series of goodbyes and see you laters, but neither of them were paying any attention to the adults. I overheard Nikolai saying something about finding the wizard who lived in the forest–also known, to us adults, as Rifat Denisyuk.
Konstantin was leaning against his desk (now clean of juice) and watching me in his usual amused but intense way. His hands slid into his pockets, the perfect picture of ease.
“What did you want to talk about?”
It was now or never. No more hesitation and secrets and lies. No more running, no more hiding.
What I was about to do would define my future. My son’s future, my family’s future.
I couldn’t wait.
Konstantin opened his mouth to repeat his question, but I darted forward. His eyes grew wide as I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled his lips down to mine.
Love and desire unfurled inside of me like a vine as our lips met. Its spindly stem wrapped around my heart and upper thighs, blooming like the first day of spring.
Konstantin was gentle, warm, loving. His palms came up to my cheeks, thumbs lightly scraping over my face. Where his skin met mine, pleasure rose to the surface until I was flushed all over.
It was a kiss for the history books and for the future. Every second of my life had led up to this moment and every second afterward would never be the same.