“We’ll leave at zero six hundred tomorrow and depart six hours later out of Los Angeles,” said Doc. “While we’re in the air, we’ll review the extraction op Decker and Gunner are preparing for us.”
“Do you need me to be a part of that?” I asked Decker.
“If you would like to be, it’s your call. However, no offense, Irish, but I don’t even need Gunner’s help.”
“Bullshit,” he said, pulling out a chair and sitting down. “I’m the one who doesn’t need you.”
“Come on,” said Doc, motioning for me to follow. “These two will go at it all night if they have an audience.”
40
Flynn
Is it still early? said the text Paxon sent.
It’s four in the afternoon, I responded.
Where are you?
Sitting on the porch swing, waiting for you.
Be right there.
I didn’t tell him I wasn’t alone. He’d find that out soon enough.
When the black SUV pulled up, two men got out. I was as shocked to see Paxon arrive with Saint as he probably was to see Dr. Benjamin seated beside me.
Saint picked up his pace so he was the first to walk up the steps. “Flynn,” he said.
“Hi,” I responded, looking beyond him at Paxon’s puzzled expression.
“Adam? What are you doing here?”
“I went for a walk…”
“He got a little lost,” I answered for him.
The expression on Paxon’s face didn’t change as he walked closer. I shook my head, just slightly, and he nodded.
“She’s gone.”
“I’m sorry,” said Saint, reaching forward to put his hand on the man’s arm.
Saint looked over his shoulder at Paxon, who turned around and walked back to the SUV. When he got inside, I could see he made a phone call.
“Let’s get you to the cabin, and we’ll make arrangements—”
“I need to go to her.”
“Understood,” said Saint, helping him up from the swing. “Who told you?”
“The nurse.”
I stood too. “Can I give you a hug before you go?”
Dr. Benjamin turned to me, and we embraced briefly before Saint escorted him to the same vehicle Paxon had gotten into. He held up his index finger, which I took as meaning he’d be right back.
I felt so awful for the man I found walking aimlessly down the dirt road that led to the three cabins where our guests were staying.
“Can I help?” I’d asked, pulling up beside him.
“I believe I took a wrong turn.”
“Well, climb on in, and I’ll get you to wherever you were headed.” I never found out where that had been because when he started talking, I drove to the closest place I could think of where we could sit and I could listen to him.
He told me the story of how he’d met the woman who was the love of his life and how, even though they couldn’t be together because of what they both did for a living, they’d never loved anyone else—except for the son they shared that, until earlier today, no one knew was his.
A few minutes later, the SUV returned. This time, Paxon was the only person in it.
“Hey,” he said, walking up and sitting beside me.
“Hey.” I rested my head on his shoulder.
“He said you picked him up on the side of the road.”
“Inside the ranch, but yes. The woman he loved died.”
“I heard.”
“You have something else to talk to me about, though, don’t you?”
Paxon turned and looked into my eyes. “I have to leave.”
“Okay.”
“First thing tomorrow.”
I nodded, unsure what to say.
“Can you stay?”
“With you tonight?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Of course.”
Paxon stood, took my hand, and led me inside.
41
Irish
Of course I wished Flynn and I could make love tonight. There wasn’t another woman in the world I wanted to be with, could be with, but neither of us was ready. We hardly knew each other. And yet, somewhere deep inside, it felt as though I’d known her forever.
“Just so you know, I won’t ask where you’re going.”
“If you did, I couldn’t tell you.”
“There’s another question I want to ask.”
“Go ahead.”
She shook her head. “Maybe later.”
“There are so many things I want to say to you.”
Flynn smiled. “Go ahead,” she repeated my words.
“Maybe later.”
“Paxon? Can you just hold me?”
I led her into the bedroom. “Is this okay with you?”
“It is.”
Flynn put her hand in mine, and I led her over to the bed. We both lay on it, facing each other in the same way we had last night on the floor in front of the fireplace. I looked into her eyes, wishing I was better at putting the right words together to tell her how I felt.
“I want you to know how much these last few days, these last hours in particular, have meant to me.”
She pulled away and her brow furrowed, but I tightened my grip so she was close enough that I could kiss her.
“Paxon—”
“Shh.” I put my fingertips on her lips. “I’m not saying goodbye or telling you we can only be friends. I just really suck at this.”
She smiled. “Just say how you feel.”
Could I? If I did, would I sound insane?
“Just do it,” she whispered, brushing my lips with hers.
I rolled over and looked up at the ceiling. There were a hundred things I wanted to say, all at once, and yet I couldn’t get a single one out.
“I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, and when I return, I don’t know where I’ll be going next.” Did that even make sense?
“Where do you want to go?”
“I’d love to come back here—”
Flynn kissed me. Not just a lip brush, an actual kiss. When her tongue pushed into my mouth, I pushed too. I gathered her into my arms and rolled so her body rested on mine.
“Did I say the wrong thing?” I asked when she pulled away and rested her head on my chest.
“No. The exact right thing, actually.”
I laughed. “Which was?”
“That you’d love to come back here. And before you say ‘but,’ that’s why I kissed you. To stop you from saying it.”
“Flynn—”
This time, she put her fingers on my lips. “Look, I know how your life works. I’ve seen it firsthand with my brother. I know I may not ever see you again, but for tonight, I want to pretend that I will.”
“It isn’t that I don’t want to.”
“I know, Paxon.”
“What I’m about to say will sound like the most selfish thing you’ve ever heard, but I went a very long time without comfort in my life. Today, when all I needed was that, you gave it to me. It was the most precious gift, and I’ll never forget that.”