Lachlan looked serious.
“Of course there is—it’s when you call power meaning to harm someone with it. In that case, your victim takes both the harm you are sending and also pays the cost of your spell.”
“It’s the worst form of magic—it corrodes your soul,” Bran said, frowning. “Queen Elia has outlawed it in the Summer Court. Although I have heard it said that Queen Mab of the Winter Court actively encourages it.”
“She does,” Lachlan said soberly. “It’s why so many dark creatures live there. Once your soul is completely corroded, your outer form will begin to match your inner evil, because Nature demands a balance.”
“I see,” I said. “And…what kind of magic do both of you do?”
“I was raised only to do White Magic,” Bran said.
Lachlan lifted his chin proudly.
“And even though I was born in the Winter Court, I have never done anything but White Magic—I pay for everything I take,” he added grimly. “Everything.”
“Oh,” I said in a small voice. “Did…did I do Black Magic on Mr. Groperson, then?”
Bran saw my worried expression and covered my hand with his.
“No, Emma,” he said gently. “What you did was Defensive Magic. Battle Magic.” He laughed. “Though I have to say, I’ve never seen anyone defend themselves quite like you did.”
“Defensive Magic is the only time you can do magic that harms others without corroding your soul,” Lachlan explained. “Nature understands that everyone has to live—you must be allowed to defend yourself against an attack. You’ll still pay for it, though, in one way or another. Remember the emotional agony and guilt you felt when you thought your mother was going to be without a home because of you?”
“Yes,” I said. “It was awful. So…is the payment always some kind of emotion?”
“Not always,” Bran said. “Sometimes it’s an actual physical pain—like what Lachlan experienced when he took the geas off you.”
Since I had felt that same pain, I understood how much the dark Fae had paid to free me.
“Thank you,” I said to Lachlan again. “Seriously, I don’t understand why you paid so much pain for me when you just met me.”
He smiled at me.
“I knew you must be special if Bran was so enamored of you, little one. And believe me, I don’t regret one bit of the pain I paid to free you from that spell.” He frowned. “I just wish we knew who put it on you in the first place.”
“We may never find out,” Bran said practically. “But for now, hadn’t you better teach Emma how to use her own magic?”
“Yes, I should—I think we got a little sidetracked.” Lachlan nodded. “All right, little one—hold your pendant and close your eyes. We’re going to start with having you feel the flow of power…”
60
Lachlan worked with me all day and by Sunday night I could feel the power flowing from the Realm like a thin, golden ribbon running through the air around me. All I had to do was imagine myself reaching for that ribbon and threading it through my pendant. Once I did that, I found I had a firmer grasp on it and I could make things happen by just thinking about them and then shoving the power I had gained from the golden ribbon outward.
We worked on simple things first—especially turning an ordinary object into a gold coin, since I had already done that, albeit by accident.
“But why won’t it stay gold?” I asked, when the gum wrapper I was using turned from a heavy disk of gold back into a little, crumpled, silver paper.
“You’d have to use a lot more power than you’re pulling now to change its true form for good,” Lachlan explained. “A lot more power. And you’d pay for it with a lot more pain.”
Since I wasn’t worried or anxious while we were working, as I had been when I had first turned the cigarette butts into a coin by accident, I was paying for my magic with physical pain instead of emotional pain. Turning the gum wrapper into a gold coin for a little while didn’t really hurt much—it was a little like someone had pinched or poked me. After a while I got used to it and didn’t even jump at the small pain.
Lachlan assured me that bigger spells would be more painful to perform and I was soon to find out he was right.
“Now before we turn in for the night, let’s try something bigger,” he said, at the end of the day. Bran had gone to bed and it was just the two of us sitting in the Common Room in front of the fire.
“Not as big as taking the geas off me, right?” I asked nervously. I didn’t know if I could stand the feeling of being skinned alive again—it had been horrible.
“No, not quite that bad,” Lachlan assured me. “But we will be removing a curse and healing something that is hurt.”
“What curse?” I asked anxiously.
“This one.” He took my hands in his and looked down at my ragged nails. They had all been bitten down to the quick by now and some were actually bloody around the edges. I’m sorry if that sounds gross—I didn’t mean to hurt myself. I just couldn’t seem to help it.
“Oh, please don’t!” I tried to pull my hands away but Lachlan held them firmly in his own.
“No, Emma,” he said gently. “I need to see the problem in order to heal it.”
“It’s just so gross and awful,” I muttered, feeling my cheeks get hot with mortification. “I’m so ashamed of it but I can’t seem to stop doing it!”
“Your nail-biting habit is proportional to the smoking habit you lifted off your mother,” he explained calmly. “And if what you told me was true, she was intensely addicted.”
“That’s an understatement,” I said with feeling. “She literally couldn’t stop smoking from the minute she got up, to when she fell asleep at night.” I looked at Lachlan anxiously. “But I don’t want to cure my nail-biting habit if it means my mom’s urge to smoke will come back! I’d rather bite my nails the rest of my life than see her smoking again.”
“I know you feel that way—you’re loyal and true to the ones you love,” he murmured, smiling at me as he looked into my eyes. “But please don’t worry, little one—we won’t be pushing the burden of addiction back onto your mother—we will be lifting it completely.”
I felt myself blushing even harder and dropped my gaze to look back at my hands. I was getting used to him and Bran now—getting used to being always flanked by two supernaturally good-looking guys. But looking into Lachlan’s emerald eyes still made my heart pound and my cheeks get hot.
Of course, I felt the same way around Bran. I was glad all over again that I had bound the three of us together—even if I had done it unintentionally. I hoped I would never have to choose between them.
“How…how am I going to break my habit?” I asked. “And how much will it hurt?”
“It’s a very strong addiction but we are going to share the pain,” Lachlan promised me. “Now close your eyes and picture yourself gathering power.”
I did as he said, holding the blue moon and emerald star pendant firmly in one hand while Lachlan continued to hold my other hand. I saw myself reaching for the golden thread and pulling it through the pendant in my hand. Once it was focused, it was mine to do what I wanted with. Only what did I want to do?