For the past two weeks, he’s been livid and under fire with all the headlines in the papers attacking us like an uncontrollable inferno hellbent on consuming our family.
Before this, he and I had a discussion where we laid out all the possibilities and options on the table. There weren’t a lot, but he once again brought up the most extreme one. Depending on what happens right now, I’ll make my decision.
“I’ll have you know something, John. You don’t have any authority here. Both you and your murderer of a son!” Nathan shouts.
“Mr. Montague, please calm down,” one of the detectives who’s name I’ve already forgotten says. “Allow us to do our job.”
“But—”
“Nathan, shut up! This isn’t about you!” Nicky snaps. “Doctor, please continue.”
“Mia, do you recognize anyone in this room now?” the doctor questions, a frown on his face.
Mia winces, and then she reaches up to touch the bandage wrapped around her head.
She looks around the room, her gaze passing over everyone again, but she doesn’t look at me or so much as give me a furtive glance like she did before.
It’s almost as if I’m not even here.
That fucking hurts.
Mia shakes her head slowly, her chest rising and falling faster as the tension mounts in the room.
“Who?” she croaks. The anxiety and confusion are clear in her voice. And so is the fear. “Who are they?”
“Mia? It’s me, your Mom, Nicky.”
My baby shakes her head just barely, looking up at Nicky, thoroughly perplexed with sadness brimming in her beautiful eyes. “My… mom?”
“Yes, baby.”
This the moment of truth.
I hold my breath, waiting for what Mia says now. It was fucking hard for her dealing with the truth about Nicky being her mother but her reaction now is…
“No, you’re Aunt Nicky,” Mia croaks, her voice hoarse. And there it is. “Where… where is my mom?”
Ah fuck.
Her memory… it’s gone.
Mia would never forget that Nancy is dead, especially when she blamed herself for how Nancy passed. Hell, she was beating herself up and harming herself over it and now…
“Auntie?” Mia croaks, her eyes widening with confusion.
For a moment, no one moves. No one says a word as the situation sinks in.
Something in me starts to fucking die the longer she lies there, waiting for someone to answer her. In the tense silence I can’t help but wonder. If she forgot Nancy, is it possible that she’s forgotten me too? No, she saw me. She recognized me. I saw it in her eyes.
“Doctor, what’s happening?” Nicky whispers almost inaudibly.
Tears race down her face as she begins trembling. She reaches for Mia’s hand, and grips it tightly. My own fucking fingers start itching with the same need. But I can’t.
It’s like we’re worlds apart and I’m hanging on a precipice controlled only by the look in her eyes.
“Please remain calm, Miss,” the doctor says, pressing a button on the wall.
“Don’t tell me that!” Nicky snaps.
“Answer the question, doctor! Does she have amnesia or not?” Nathan rumbles. Mia flinches, looking terrified.
“Mr. Montague, please keep your voice down. In fact, I’m going to ask everyone to leave. It’s possible that this is too much for Mia and is causing her stress.”
“But doctor, she… she doesn’t remember?”
“Auntie?” Mia whispers. “Remember what?”
“Aw Mia, sweetheart,” Nicky cries, a completely devastated look on her face. “Everything’s going to be all right.”
Mia looks around now, a panicked look in her eyes. “What do you mean?” she croaks.
The thing in my chest just quits working.
“Mia,” I start, and without thinking about it, I’m already wheeling myself to her bedside.
“Young man, you can’t get close to her.”
I ignore the detective, evading everyone who tries to get in my fucking way. All I see is Mia who’s now looking at me, a sheltered look in her eyes.
She has to know who I am. She might’ve forgotten Nancy and thinks Nicky is still her aunt, but we met years ago.
Her amnesia couldn’t have affected her long-term memory, right?
“Baby,” I whisper, reaching her in record time, seeing as one arm is in a cast. She looks at me now, not looking away. I want to reach for her hand but now, the police are around me, everyone is saying something, shouting at me to get away from her but I just fucking focus on her. “Mia, I thought I’d never see you again.”
For a moment, just a brief, blissful moment, her beautiful aquamarine eyes hold my gaze and I swear on my fucking mess of a life, there’s a glimmer of recognition in her eyes.
My heart is not even beating.
My blood’s frozen in my veins as my entire soul grips this moment with everything.
It’s like our entire lives depend on this frail connection.
Take your time, baby. You’ve got this.
“Get away from her, you kidnapper!” I hear Nathan yell. “Get him away from my daughter!”
I hadn’t realized that I was fighting everyone who’s tried to touch me until then.
I’m sitting at the edge of this fucking wheelchair like a fucking sissy, gripping the bar of Mia’s bed. I can only imagine the desperate look on my face, reflected in her eyes that don’t look away from me.
But no, she doesn’t have to look away.
All she does to break me is blink and when her eyes open again, there’s a look in her eyes I’ve never seen before. Instantly, it replaces the hope I had started stoking like kindling to a fire when she woke.
“I… I don’t …” Mia stutters. “Who are you?”
The thing in my chest that she accused me of not working right stops working at those words. I guess she was right.
“Mia?” I think I croak out her name, feeling exposed and in danger of turning into something neither of us will recognize, but I don’t know. “It’s me.”
The EKG machine starts beeping again. She holds my gaze for a brief eternity, then as I predicted right as she shuts me out, she looks away from me, her chest heaving up and down so fast, mirroring my own.
She doesn’t remember me.
FUCK!
All the history we have, all the lust-hate glances, the kisses we shared, the way she cuddled under me when she sleeps like she was looking for shelter, everything… it’s all gone.
Because of me.
I thought my punishment for all the hell I put her through was me dying, effectively saving her from me and the fucking sinking ship I am. But it turns out the universe had something else in store and this right here, is it.
Mia forgetting me like I’m yesterday’s trashy song.
Erased from her memory as if nothing ever happened.
Everything.
Control, alt and fucking delete.
Just like that.
The silence that rings through my ears is so loud, and like a fucking idiot, I just stare at the side of her beautiful face, meanwhile I feel like I’m rotting inside.
It’s bittersweet, listening to her voice, but it also feels like a poisoned aphrodisiac of sorts.