I swivel around on my heel and start walking toward my car with one singular goal in mind.
The third, final and most important item on my to-do list, but this one, just like Liam’s marriage contract, is not yet time yet.
“Julian,” Dad starts. “It’s not yet time—”
“Don’t you think I know that?” I snap, glancing at him. “But I’m going anyway.”
“Son, we made a deal…”
“Yes. I’m fully aware of the burden of that deal but tonight, tonight I need this, and you are not going to stop me.”
I stride away. This time he doesn’t stop me.
“Aren’t you coming, Cole?” I call out behind me
“Why should I? It’s not like you need help manhandling Sherlock,” he grumbles. He looks like he’d rather do anything else than go where I’m going and I know why.
“Don’t you have someone to visit?” I ask
I’m almost to my car when I feel a hand on my shoulder that forcefully spins me around.
“Shut up about that.”
“That thing that I just did there, in front of Aiden’s grave, that’s called fucking facing my demons.”
“Oh, so you’re a fucking life coach now?” he mocks, then. Drops his voice. “I know about the Phoenix Corps shit.”
I’m not surprised at all about that one. If there’s anyone who would know, it’s him.
“Good, then you know I’m now the boogeyman.”
“And you think she’s going to take the boogeyman?”
Mia. My Little Minx.
Deadly. Stunning. Fucking unforgettable. And no longer mine.
Or so she thinks.
She’ll take me in any way I come, she fucking has to.
I don’t think I have it in me to let her go. Not without a fucking nasty fight. It’s going to be a long wait, almost unbearable but I just… I need to be with her. Especially tonight.
Chapter Forty-Two
Mia
Mom: Can’t wait to see my baby! What do you want to eat tonight?
I can’t help but smile as I read the text from my mom. We’ve come a long way to get here and I’m so excited to go home and see her.
Me: Anything’s good. I’m not picky.
Mom: Anything? Aren’t you vegan this month?
Me: Uh well, you see what happened was…
Mom: Mia. It’s only been ten days.
I shoot her a smiley face and then a burger emoji. I mean, what else does she expect me to do? I mean don’t get me wrong, there are so many amazing vegan spots in Cambridge, Massachusetts, but sometimes, I just need meat for comfort and well, I’m too tired to look for my favorite mobile vegan burger truck that sells out as fast as human blinks, so there’s that.
Me: I’ll start again next month, relax. Anyway, I have to catch my flight now. Pick me up?
I wait for her reply, but it still doesn’t come through by the time I make it to my car across campus where I parked hours ago because I woke up late.
Don’t get me wrong, the campus of MIT is gorgeous, but I don’t have time to admire its beauty right now seeing as I lost track of time in the lab when I have a flight to catch.
I’m dog-tired after spending hours in the lab, studying and completing my lab work before I take off for my birthday weekend. In the chaos of everything that happened one and a half years ago, I missed my eighteenth birthday.
My nineteenth birthday was a blur of me drinking with the most unlikely people who flew in to surprise me. The RACK. All four of them in their flair, bougie glory and their milkshake that brought all the boys to my cute, tiny balcony where I had planned to be alone and nurse my broken heart with my latest acquired taste… red wine.
I mean, I have no idea how Roxy knew where I was or how she even knew it was my birthday, but the bitch charged through my apartment door with a ringless finger that made me feel uneasy because of the last time we talked, glittery party streamers, enough booze to drown the entire state of Massachusetts and a fucking awesome Black Forest cake shaped like a big dick that tasted so good, it reminded me of how long it’s been since I was touched… by Julian.
God, Julian…
I dream about him. I have nightmares about him. I haven’t heard from him since the last text he sent me after I hung up on him.
On my nineteenth birthday, I kept typing in his number, ready to tell him to come get me so he can hold me and kiss me because it’s not just loneliness that’s been eating at me, it’s his absence, but Roxy to the rescue! She snatched my phone and threw it in the pool.
Long story short, I wasn’t mat at her. I actually took my time to get a new phone just to make sure the urge to call Julian had ebbed some.
It doesn’t go away, but I’m glad to report, I didn’t call him. But I do stalk him… which is pointless because his social media presence is gone. It’s as if he was never there.
Yeah, there’re still hashtags on videos of him tearing apart his opponents on the football field with his best friend and sometimes, Liam, but I can only imagine the pain those videos might bring if he sees them.
There’s nothing that hurts more like a future destroyed, especially when you were looking forward to it. I know that feeling well.
Other than that, there’s nothing from him. Liam still calls every day. He and Cole also came for my nineteenth birthday, but Liam didn’t know the Bishop twins would be in attendance, so he hugged me tight, gave me a Tiffany’s box with a beautiful necklace and then he left, only to come back the next weekend for his version of a ‘birthday do-over.’
Cole, bless his soul, hugged me and told me the words that I didn’t know I needed.
“Material things won’t ease the pain in your heart, baby girl but just know, he thinks of you every single day and I know he wishes he was here with you on your special day.”
“So where is he, Coke? He should come and get this bitterness he’s given me.”
I was drunk at this point.
“He’s getting ready for you, baby girl. Wait for him.”
Then he followed after Liam.
I tried putting myself out there though. I even talk to guys, thinking maybe all I need is one date for me to get over him but somehow the guys almost always never followed through. It’s as if I was talking to Mayflies who only exist for that one time they approached me and then die.
Putting all that aside, I couldn’t be more satisfied with what I’ve managed to accomplish so far.
There are days when I wake up in this still new to me town, surrounded by these still unfamiliar faces of students, feeling super happy that I took the leap and left Palos Verdes, California.
I mean, this is big, at least for me, especially when I was late to start college. They even accepted my double major in neuroscience and psychology. It’s a challenge but to be honest, chose the programs for selfish reason of course. The work keeps me so busy, some days I don’t think about Julian until I fall back in bed. It’s then than I would recall all the times he kissed me, the times he let me be myself in his arms
And also, because I still don’t understand how my mind works.
How is it that I can forget something completely while other details, especially everything that has to do with a particular person, remain intact no matter what I do to try to forget.