The way I woke up—
Haley puts small hands at the sides of my neck, searching and tentative. When I don’t tense up, when I don’t do anything but take another deep taste of her mouth, she curls her fingers into my hair and holds on tight. The holy water of her kiss becomes rain. Becomes a flood. It sweeps away the panic and pain and makes room for something else.
Something hazy and thick. Like being drunk. Like being drugged. Is Haley doing that? I kiss her harder to find out. Every place she touches me is a miracle. Every place I touch her is worship. She makes a small noise into my mouth. I could drink that forever.
Eva clears her throat from somewhere close by. The sound is lost to the rain in my head. It’s coming down in sheets. It’s putting out the fire. Eva tries again, and then she puts her hand on my shoulder, a place she knows won’t hurt.
“Sit down before you fall down, brother mine.”
Good idea. This place has a fucking terrible floor. I’m not going anywhere without Haley. I bring her with me away from the wall and Eva points. I’m going to tell her I don’t need directions to an obvious bed in the middle of the floor but it turns out I do. I only make it there through sheer force of will, using Haley to keep my balance. Sitting down is a controlled fall. Haley’s hand stays firm in mine, her grip tight.
Eva gets closer. Yes. I recognize those dark clothes. Those are what she wears in the present. Every landmark is another gift. The room turns in a slow rotation, but Eva stays where she is. Haley stays, too.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask the question as the room shudders and tilts.
Eva gives a casual shrug. “I heard you were about to croak, and I wanted to see if you’d written me into your will.”
“Ha, ha.” My mouth doesn’t work right. Words slurred. “I know better than to give you a dime. I’d be dead before I hit the floor.”
Haley leans into my line of vision, eyes wide, eyebrows raised. Shocked at Eva’s joke, no doubt. I laugh at her. The sweetest, most innocent Constantine there ever was.
I pull Haley down into my lap. With both my arms around her, the room slows to a stop. Rights itself.
Haley slips her hands around my neck, blue eyes searching my face. Behind her, Eva gestures one of the nurses forward. “Now,” she says. “Before they wear off.”
Before what wears off?
Doesn’t matter.
I’m too busy deciding whether Haley’s eyes are blue like the virgin Mary’s robe or blue like the sea to care when the dark-haired nurse lifts my hand away from Haley and rests it on the bed. Painkillers. That’s what Eva was talking about. They didn’t work for a minute there. Nothing but Haley could touch that fire. Now it’s a distant crackle and pop.
“I should get out of the way,” Haley murmurs, stroking my cheek.
A pinch at the back of my hand. It won’t be long now. “You’re not going anywhere, darling. I want to look at you while I pass out.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Haley
Leo keeps one hand on my waist and his night-dark eyes on mine as long as he can. The nurse puts an IV in his hand, hidden behind my back, and their voices float over my head. Names of drugs. Intervals and plans. Eva consults. None of it matters as much as feeling him breathe. In and out. His lungs are clear. The doctors fixed him. Saved him. Gave him back to me.
I know when the fresh painkillers hit because Leo’s pupils expand. The black pushes at the gold flecks in his eyes. It’s heartbreaking, watching it happen. He’s experienced enough at pain to keep most of it out of his expression. This close, I see all the small, tense places in his face relax. I see the hazy relief in his eyes. Leo rests his forehead against mine. “A shame.”
“What’s a shame?” I run a hand over the back of his neck.
“I want to keep looking at you.” His words lose their shape at the edges. “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
His eyelids flutter on prettiest and close on seen. Leo rests his head on my shoulder, and his whole body relaxes. The hand at my waist travels a slow path to the bed, and there’s nothing to do but wrap my arms around him and hold him up. He’s so tall. So strong, so solid. All lean muscle and determination, and now I’m the only thing between him and a hard, graceless fall. Every heartbeat hurts. It’s not the same as watching him close his eyes before. It’s not. He’s still breathing, still warm. Someone has washed away all the blood and the scent of his skin is there underneath the unmistakable hospital soap.
I don’t know I’m crying until my chest catches. He’s getting heavy, but that’s fine. I’ll just sit here holding him until the end of time.
“Hey.” Eva’s on the other side of the bed now, empathy and relief taking turns in her expression. “He’ll crush you if you let him.”
I clear my throat and blink away the next tears preparing to fall. “I’m okay with that.”
A smile quirks the corner of her mouth. “You’re okay with that or you’re already trapped?”
“Both.”
I can’t lay Leo down without dropping him, so Eva kicks off her shoes and climbs onto the bed. Lucky for us, he sat down close to the pillows. The nurses step in when we’re finished. Their movements around the bed seem choreographed. They seem like a closed door between me and him.
“There’s food for you in the waiting room. Come on.” Eva pats my arm. “Let them do their jobs.”
It feels wrong to leave the room. Painful in a way it shouldn’t be. I try to shake it off and fail. “You trust them now? They didn’t listen to you before.”
“Some things you have to see with your own eyes. At least she had the balls to argue with me.”
We go back to the waiting room, which has become a private space. All the other patients on the floor have been transferred. The rooms on either side of Leo’s house two security guards each. No one comes in or out without them knowing about it, and Eva, too.
I haven’t been able to pay much attention to all that.
My limbs feel heavy with relief and too light from leaving Leo. The couch catches me when I fall into it. Two takeout bags wait on the coffee table. Eva gets her coat and puts it on.
All my emotions fight each other to be the biggest one. Relief that Leo’s alive delivers a knockout blow to the sudden fear that came with seeing Eva put her coat on. Heartache from the memories of Leo’s face tackles relief and spreads itself across my chest in an aching layer. New anxiety about something happening between stepping away from Leo’s room and arriving here brushes over my lips. Numb. The rest of me should be numb, but now there’s a mini-riot inside my heart.
Eva reaches for the first of the buttons on her coat.
“You’re leaving?”
“I’ll be back.” Her dark eyes meet mine. “Things I need to take care of. His head of security will want to be here.”
“Who’s his head of security?”
Eva cocks her head to the side. “You never met Gerard?”
A laugh bubbles out of me. So much I didn’t put together. “I thought he was Leo’s butler.”
She finishes buttoning her coat and sighs. “You probably won’t listen to me if I tell you that you should come with me. My place isn’t far, and you haven’t slept.”