“I understand if you’re scared,” Jayna said.
Eva shot her a look. “Scared?” She shook her head. “I was scared when you started talking about the smoke attacking a dark sorcerer within the city. I was scared when I started to think that perhaps it was me, and I wasn’t remembering what was happening.” She looked down at her empty glass. “Do you know that I worry about what would happen if I were to suddenly start attacking without knowing what was taking place? I fear that might happen. I fear I don’t know what I’m doing all the time. I fear that even when I take action, I might be losing those memories in the future.”
“Have you lost memories of the time we’ve spent together?”
“Only when I try,” Eva said.
Jayna smiled. “Why would you try?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the kind of things you have us facing. I don’t really want to remember a dwaring. Much like I don’t really want to remember some of the dark sorcerers we’ve faced.” She rested her head back, closing her eyes again. “It’s easier to forget.”
They sat in silence for a few moments, and Jayna debated how much she was going to push. She had given Eva space for as long as they’d been together, and that space had been reasonable to Jayna, especially given everything she knew Eva had gone through—or, at least, everything she suspected Eva had gone through. Now she wondered if giving her space was a mistake and if it was time for her to push. Eva needed to face her past—needed to confront who and what she had been. Eva needed to remember.
Eva reached for the bottle, but Jayna slid it off to the side, where it tipped and spilled onto the stone floor. “See what you did?”
“It’s not the first time wine has been spilled on this floor,” Jayna said, motioning to another stain that had dried long ago.
“You get mad at me when I spill wine,” Eva muttered.
“I don’t get mad. Not about that. I get upset when you don’t want to talk. Kind of like now.”
“You get mad because you always like to talk.”
“Always?”
“Far more than I do,” Eva said.
“Everybody likes to talk more than you do,” Jayna said. “And in this case, I think we need to. You need to.”
“You just want to go through what you uncovered.”
“Yes. There was an enchantment that looked like your power but wasn’t the same.”
Eva arched a brow. “There was.”
“There was. After you left, Raollet’s shop was attacked again, and I suspect it was somebody using an enchantment to make it look like your kind of magic We have proof that there is somebody trying to use that kind of magic. Maybe even trying to make it look like you were involved—either that, or to make it look as if there’s another Ashara in the city.”
“There you go.”
“There I go with what?”
“Using the term I can’t embrace.”
“If that’s what you are—”
“I don’t know what I am,” Eva said, sitting forward for a moment before leaning back and closing her eyes. She clasped her hands across her chest, holding on to the wine glass as if it were something that would bring her peace. “I don’t know what I am,” Eva repeated. “I’ve tried to figure it out. I know you don’t think I have, but I’ve spent days and days sitting and thinking and searching for answers. I keep thinking that if I work hard enough and long enough, the answers will come to me, but there’s nothing within me that has provided those answers yet.”
“I don’t blame you for not finding answers,” Jayna said.
“You blame me for something,” Eva said.
“I blame you now for trying to avoid the answers. I think you’ve been incredibly brave through all of this. I don’t know how I would’ve handled it if I were in your position.”
“You probably would’ve complained a lot more.”
“And I would’ve drank a lot less,” Jayna said.
Eva shook her head. “I don’t know what to make of what Raollet told you.”
“I don’t either. Which is why the two of us need to keep talking.”
“Why? What do you think that will do?”
“Maybe nothing. But at the same time, if it provides you with an opportunity to find answers, then don’t we need to dig into it?” She leaned forward, holding her wine, and took a sip before settling back down. It really did taste strange, and it was more than just its musty notes. “If this person who attacked us is like you, and if we can find him, then maybe we can finally understand more about you and what you can do.”
“What if I don’t like what I find?” Eva asked softly.
Jayna opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. That was what this was about.
It wasn’t so much about the fear of discovering what Eva might be able to do or what she might be; it was about what she learned about herself—and who she had once been.
“We will deal with whatever we find when it comes.”
“What if you find you have to target me?”
“You don’t have dark magic,” Jayna said.
Eva shook her head. “I don’t really know what I have or even what I am. And I heard what Raollet said. I saw what that man with a power similar to mine was willing to do. If he’s the one attacking dark sorcerers . . .”
“We’re attacking dark sorcerer,” Jayna said. “And I don’t think he’s the one responsible for what happened with Char. We’ll work through this together.”
“Unless you find out I’m a dark magic user,” Eva said softly.
“That’s not what we’re going to find.”
“You don’t know that,” Eva said.
Jayna watched as Eva rested her head back, then she finished her wine and settled the glass on the floor. She didn’t want to drink any more at this point. She only wanted to have a conversation with Eva, to get her through this, but she didn’t know if she had the wisdom to do so.
“None of what we’ve learned matters. All that matters is that we work together—the same way we have been ever since the two of us met.”
“Even if I turn out to be a dark magic user?”
“Then we will be a good pair.” Jayna twisted the dragon stone ring while sitting quietly for a few moments. “You know what I fear about the kind of power I’ve been pulling. You know I fear what has been happening to me, the way that power seems to be changing something for me. What happens if I end up turning into a dark magic user?”
“You won’t,” Eva said and stared at the fire.
“As you just told me, you don’t know that—and neither do I.”
She turned her own attention to the fire, staring at it for a long moment, and she thought she understood just what Eva struggled with. It was the same sort of issue she had.
But at the same time, Jayna had a much more direct possibility of turning into a dark magic user. It was the power within the Toral ring that gave her that risk, and the more she accessed that power—the more she felt the darkness at the edge of her vision—the more likely it was that she would find herself drawn into the dark power that existed out in the world. Jayna feared what would happen if that were to occur. What would happen if the temptation to use dark power became too much for her to resist?