“She’s bleeding for her magic?” Char shook his head. “And here we used to claim in the Academy that they worked us to the bone, trying to practically kill us so we could gain control of our power.”
“Keep working,” Jayna said.
Char turned back to the shelf. “Sorry. It’s just . . . I haven’t heard anything like that before.”
“I haven’t either, and I’ve seen some things since I left the Academy.”
“I’m sure you have,” he said.
“Stop,” she said.
“Stop with what?”
“With that implication. I haven’t gotten into dark magic.”
“I’ve seen the things you do, Jayna. I’ve seen the kind of people you’re around.”
“What you haven’t seen are the kinds of things I’ve stopped,” she said.
“I don’t think using dark magic to stop dark magic makes it any better,” he said.
“My brother would’ve said otherwise,” she said.
“Really? And now all of a sudden this is about Jonathan?”
“That’s what this has always been about,” she said.
“And how’s that going?” Char looked over to her, pausing as he pulled a book off the shelf, scanning the cover. “How has that helped you in your search for your brother? I don’t really know all of the reasons you’ve gone after this power, but if it’s just about Jonathan—”
“It’s not just about Jonathan. It’s about my parents and what happened to them.”
“You mean the accident.”
“I don’t even know if it was an accident. Not anymore.”
“So you’ve suddenly started to believe there was some sort of dark magic attack that killed your parents.”
“I’m doing what’s necessary to figure that out. Whether or not you believe it, I feel it’s true,” she said.
“You feel it’s true because you want it to be true. You don’t want to believe you’re drawing on dark magic without a good reason, and you don’t want to believe you’re doing something they warned us about when we were in the Academy.”
“They never warned us about the things I’ve seen,” Jayna said. “The things I see. They never taught us about the dangers of this power, about how seductive it could be.”
“They did,” Char said. “You just weren’t listening.”
“I was listening,” she insisted. “They just didn’t provide us with everything we needed in order to resist that kind of power.”
Without the background she had from the Academy, Jayna might not have been equipped for what she had encountered, but even with that, it still hadn’t been enough. There were dangers in the world she hadn’t been trained for, and the things she had seen since leaving the Academy had opened her eyes in ways that she never would’ve imagined before.
Perhaps that was what bothered her about what Char did, the way he seemed to refuse to look at the world, to keep his eyes open. Char was an incredibly smart man—one of the smartest she’d ever known—and she would’ve expected him to be willing to open his eyes, to see the world for what it was, and to look out and recognize the dangers that existed. She would’ve expected Char to try to understand more, especially given what Jayna had shown him.
“You were telling me about your friend,” Char said, looking over to her, his voice soft.
Jayna took a deep breath and pulled another book off the shelf, pushing it back in frustration after glancing at it for only a second. None of these were what she was looking for.
This was an entire waste of time. Coming here, spending time with Char, had simply wasted her afternoon. And she still needed to keep looking.
There was something taking place. Maybe it didn’t have to do with one of the twelve whom Ceran wanted her to look into, but whatever it was, she felt increasingly certain that it was bound to drive the Society and the dular against each other.
And she didn’t understand how this enchantment designed to look like the Ashara was involved.
“I was telling you about Eva,” Jayna agreed. “And I guess the key is that she’s lost part of her memory.” She shook her head. “To hear her talk about it, she says it’s like holes in her memory, or gaps, and from time to time, those gaps are filled, giving her flashes of knowledge she once had, but then they fade, disappearing in a way that leaves her uncertain.”
“I’ve never heard of anything like that,” he said.
“I haven’t either.”
“No,” Char said, turning to her, crossing his arms over his chest. “I work in healing magic, Jayna, and I’ve heard of people losing their memories—there are dozens of ways that could happen. I’ve seen head injuries where people have amnesia afterwards. I’ve seen trauma where part of a person’s mind stops working. I’ve even seen magic that confounds people, stealing their will and taking some part of them away. What caused her to have this piecemeal memory?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
Char tipped his head, frowning at her. “You’ve been looking into it.”
Jayna nodded. “I have. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do for Eva. I’ve spent time at each stop where we go researching, talking to healers and as many people as possible in order to find out something that could help her.” She just hadn’t consulted sorcerers—at least, not before Char.
“You care about her.”
“She’s been helpful,” Jayna said.
“Just helpful?”
“It’s more than that,” Jayna agreed.
“What is it?”
She held Char’s eyes for a long moment. “Ever since leaving the Academy, I haven’t had too many friends. She’s a friend.”
Char turned away. “You didn’t have to leave the Academy.”
“I did, though.”
“You didn’t. You didn’t have to leave me.”
“I didn’t leave you,” Jayna said. She pushed the book that she’d pulled off the shelf back into place and grabbed his wrist, forcing him to turn to look at her. “I left the Academy. Not you, Char. Had it been only about you, I would’ve stayed. You . . . you’ve been more than just a friend.”
“I haven’t.”
“You have. We have this link between us, this connection, and it’s bridged us.”
“I wish it would help me understand you,” he said softly.
“You need a linking spell to know me? You need something like that to know what’s in my heart?” She shook her head, but still hadn’t released his wrist. “You’ve known me, Char. You’ve known me ever since we first came to the Academy, and you’ve known the person I am—the person I’ve become. You’ve known me in a way that nobody else has. Do you really think I’m a dark magic user?”
That was what it came down to. That was what bothered Char the most, and that was what Jayna had to get past. If she could find a way to help Char bridge that concern and get beyond the fear of her using some dark magic, then maybe she could finally get to him. Maybe she could even do more than that—maybe she could connect to him, get him to understand her, and she could . . .