“Luca wants you to let the Doc take a look at you because of your weight loss.”
“I didn’t think he’d noticed—after all, he never even looks at me anymore.”
Matteo frowned. “He looks, trust me.” He waited, then sighed. “Aria, can’t you just fucking apologize to him even if you don’t mean it? One of you has to make the first step.”
“I’m going to get myself a tea,” I said, leaving him standing there. If Luca was worried, he could tell me himself, and yet part of me couldn’t stop the stupid relief that he still cared for my well-being.
I stepped inside, glad for the warmth. The cold had helped with the nausea but now that I was inside, it was back. After getting out of my coat, scarf and gloves, I headed toward our kitchen and turned on the electric kettle to make myself tea. One of the maids had put the tea bags up on the top shelf again, even though I took them down every time. It drove me crazy. I grabbed a chair but hesitated; with my dizziness the risk of falling was too big. I released the chair, opened the door to the shelf and took a spatula.
I stood on my tiptoes and tried to shove the packet with teabags down from the shelf with the spatula, but I only managed to push it further back. A shadow fell over me and I shied back in surprise, then froze. Luca reached into the shelf and grabbed the packet then set it down on the counter. His face was stone, but there was a hint of something in his eyes.
I averted my gaze. “Thanks,” I said quietly.
He didn’t say anything, only nodded before he went over to the coffee maker. I allowed myself a moment to watch him. Like Matteo he wore black sweatpants, but he hadn’t bothered with a shirt. I’d never wanted to touch someone more than I did Luca now. I missed his closeness, his warmth. God, I missed his love. My eyes lingered on the tattoo on his shoulder.
I’ll go where you go no matter how dark the path
I turned away quickly, swallowing hard, and prepared my tea, wanting to get out of the kitchen as fast as possible. With my mug in one hand, I headed for the door when a new wave of nausea mixed with dizziness crashed down on me. The mug left my hand, smashing on the floor, spilling hot tea over my bare feet, but I barely registered the pain because my vision turned black and I tried to reach the table to steady myself. The floor was approaching fast when strong arms wrapped around me, hoisting me up, and my palms pressed up against a hot chest. I sucked in a breath, my forehead dropping forward against muscles. I breathed in deeply, a familiar scent, a scent of comfort and love. My vision cleared slowly.
“Aria?”
The gentle tone I missed so much. My heart seemed to mend and break at the same time.
I raised my head and looked up into Luca’s face. Worry. Was there worry? His brows drew together. God, I loved this man.
As we stared at each other, I could practically see Luca’s mask falling back in place, a mask as impenetrable as steel. Cold and hard. I must have imagined the worry. I dropped my hands from his chest and stepped back, wincing when I realized my feet had been burnt slightly.
“That should be treated with burn salve,” Luca said firmly. “I will call the Doc so he can take a look at you.”
I forced myself to take a resolute step back even as my body screamed to move closer, even as my heart screamed louder for his closeness. “I don’t need him. I’m okay.”
I need only you.
Before I could voice these words, I knelt down and began picking up the shards. When I risked a glance up, Luca was watching me with a look I couldn’t decipher. He appeared almost angry but not quite. Suddenly he reached for me, grabbed my arm and pulled me up. “Go.”
I stared. “I need to clean this up. The maids won’t return until tomorrow.”
Luca’s eyes burnt into me. “Leave.” And his voice shook with… rage? “Just leave.”
I whirled around and left.
* * *
A few days later I was curled up on the sofa, reading a book when Gianna joined me. She nodded toward my book. “Is it any good?”
I shrugged. I had trouble focusing on anything for long. I’d read the same page twice and still didn’t know what had happened. She held out a plate with cookies.
“I tried my hand at baking.”
“You can’t bake.” Gianna wasn’t any more talented than me in the kitchen. Lily was the only one who could cook anything remotely edible, but she was spending a few days with Romero’s family. Gianna, on the other hand, was always around, a constant shadow.
“Try them,” Gianna urged.
I reached for one and took a hesitant bite, but the smell of warm dough and chocolate turned my stomach over. To think that I’d loved chocolate before my pregnancy. I quickly swallowed the bite then put the cookie back down.
“Aria, can you please stop starving yourself now?” Gianna hissed suddenly.
My eyes widened with surprise. “I’m not starving myself,” I said. “You see me eat.”
“I do, and it’s not much, and I also see you going to the toilet afterward. Come on, Luca isn’t worth getting bulimia over.”
He was worth anything.
“Do I look that bad?” I looked down at myself. I had lost weight. My body was drawing on my reserves to make sure the baby could grow, and thankfully it did. The doctor was satisfied with its growth after all.
Gianna rolled her eyes. “You’d make catwalk models jealous.”
“Sure, except for the ten inches I’m too small.”
“And then there are your clothes,” she said, gesturing at my loose-fitting blouse. “It’s like you can’t bear to show your body anymore.”
I closed my eyes. “Has Luca said anything?”
“I’m not really on speaking terms with him, as you know.”
I knew. My family was falling apart, and there was nothing I could do.
Apologize to Luca.
But I had already apologized, had begged him not to destroy our love, and he had pushed me away. Gianna’s voice tore me out of my thoughts.
“From what Matteo let slip, Luca is fucking worried. We all are, Aria. Why do you think Luca is suddenly spending half the week in the Hamptons? It’s because he wants to keep an eye on you. I don’t understand the asshole, but he obviously still cares for you in his own twisted way.”
I clenched my fingers. I’d noticed his increased presence but hadn’t dared hope it was because of me. I peered down at myself, at the almost unnoticeable swelling of my belly. How much longer would I be able to keep the pregnancy a secret? I didn’t want us to make up only because of the pregnancy. I wanted us to find our way back together on our own, because our love was strong enough to overcome anything. But eventually I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore. I was in the twelfth week after all.
“Aria.” Gianna’s voice brought me back. Her face twisted with worry. “Please.”
I took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Gianna sat back, gaping. “Fuck.” She glanced down at my stomach. “How far along are you?”
“Twelfth week.”
Relief settled on her features. “So that’s why you are sick?”
I nodded. “I guess it’s my bad luck that the sickness didn’t stop yet,” I said with a small laugh.