“That sounds great.”
“I know,” Gianna said with a grin. “I hide a clever brain behind my pretty façade.”
“You’re as vain as Matteo.”
Gianna poked out her tongue at me.
“That’s bad!” Marcella shouted, pointing an accusing finger at her aunt, who turned to her and poked out her tongue again.
Marcella giggled then her own tongue darted out with a cheeky grin.
I sighed, stifling a smile. Maybe it was for the best that Gianna and Matteo didn’t have kids…
* * *
When Luca returned from work that evening in time for dinner, I was practically bouncing on my feet and the second he spotted me, his brows drew together.
“What’s the matter?”
He headed over to where I was stirring pasta into a bowl of tomato sauce, and kissed me. Marcella was busy watching an episode of her favorite show. She was allowed to watch it while I prepared dinner and barely looked away from the screen, completely mesmerized. Setting down the spoon, I grinned up at Luca.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, remembering the last time I had found out about my pregnancy with Marcella. Luca and I had been fighting during the first few months of the pregnancy so I didn’t tell him until much later and it had been horrible.
Luca blinked then a slow smile took over his face and he lifted me off the ground to crush me against his chest. His lips found mine, soft and warm, and when he pulled back, he looked as happy as I felt. It was a look only very few people ever saw on Luca’s face; Marcella, Matteo, and I were probably the only ones who knew Luca’s honest smile; not the smirk, not the cold smile, not the arrogant smile or the one that was full of threat. No, this one reflected true happiness. I swallowed hard, overcome with emotions.
Luca touched my still flat belly and shook his head in apparent amazement. “How far along are you?”
I laughed. “Only about five weeks. It’s still very early. We should wait until we tell the others. I don’t want people to find out before we are certain that the baby is fine.”
Luca shook his head. “We won’t tell them until you’re farther along but not because we’ll lose our child. Nothing will ever happen to you or our baby, Aria. I won’t allow it.”
He sounded absolutely certain, as if even Mother Nature, even my body, would listen to his command, but we both knew that wasn’t the case. Still Luca’s certainty made me feel better and I smiled.
* * *
Luca seemed even more nervous about the doctor’s appointment than me when I settled on the examination table. I was in my eighteenth week and the chances were good that we’d find out the gender of our baby today. If it was a girl, Luca and I would definitely try for a third child because he needed an heir, and I was actually not against the idea. A big family was something I wanted more and more since we’d had Marcella. I loved being surrounded by family: Gianna, Marcella, Lily… I wanted a house full of laughter.
The doctor smiled at me when she entered the room but spotting Luca her lips pinched. She didn’t like the way he threatened the staff so they accommodated us outside of the usual office hours and kept their silence about us. He gave her a curt nod, but didn’t move from his spot beside me, nor did he sit down.
I squeezed his hand and his eyes softened ever so slightly when they settled on me. The doctor began the ultrasound and I watched the screen with bated breath, but I couldn’t see if it was a boy or girl.
“Is everything all right?” Luca asked with a hint of impatience after a minute of silence from the doctor.
She peered up at him with a tense smile. “Everything is as it should be. You’re expecting a boy, congratulations.”
For a moment, I didn’t move. Marcella would be a wonderful big sister to a baby boy. Maybe she wouldn’t be as jealous if she remained the princess in the family, and I loved the idea of having a small Luca in my life, a tiny version of the man I loved more than anything else in the world.
Luca stroked his thumb along the back of my hand, the only sign of affection he’d allow himself in public. Luca and I would make sure that our boy had a better childhood than Luca and Matteo. Luca’s face was stone but in his eyes, I could see the hint of wariness. I could imagine the worries going through his head. Even with Marcella he’d worried he’d be like his father, would be too harsh or cruel, but nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe he wouldn’t be as lenient with a boy as he was with a daughter, but that was it.
Now wasn’t the time to discuss the test results, not while the doctor did the ultrasound and we weren’t alone.
The moment we were back in our car, I took Luca’s hand. “You will be a wonderful dad to our boy. I just know it. You’ll love him like you love me and Marcella. I know you will be patient and loving and you won’t hurt him.”
Luca raised my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles but he didn’t say anything.
Luca
Aria sounded absolutely certain and I wished I could feel the same way but I knew raising a boy in our world required me to make him strong, to make him tough, to make him ruthless. Our boy would become Capo one day, he would rule over the Famiglia and the entire East Coast. For him to be ready for that task, he needed to be a killer, he needed to be cruel and brutal, resistant to pain and fear. My father had loved torturing Matteo and me like he loved torturing our mother and later Nina. He’d relished in our pain, in our fear; hardening us had happened automatically. Matteo and I became used to pain from an early age, had seen horrible things in our own home, had seen our father commit horrendous crimes when we were barely old enough to walk.
How would I handle a boy?
Aria was still smiling at me with a face full of kindness and love. It let my own heart swell with the same emotions. Though, Aria and Marcella were the only people I was kind to, the only people I wanted to treat that way. But a boy, a small version of me… that was another story.
If he was anything like me, like the men in my family, he’d be difficult to handle, would love the kill and inflicting pain. Showing him kindness would be difficult. I’d have to encourage his dark side, his brutality, would have to make sure he became even more bloodthirsty. How could I harden a boy for our world, for the task of becoming Capo, if not with violence?
I didn’t know and I wasn’t sure if there was even a way, if I would even try going the gentle route. Maybe I wouldn’t feel the same hesitation, the same revulsion when thinking about hurting him, as I did with Aria and Marcella. When I looked at them, at their innocent faces, I couldn’t imagine hitting them, or worse. The idea of inflicting pain on my daughter or my wife made me sick to my stomach while inflicting pain on other people had always only brought me joy.
“What are you thinking?” Aria asked softly.
I drew my eyes away from the traffic, realizing I hadn’t reacted to her earlier comment, too lost in my whirring thoughts. “Just about how it’s going to be with a boy.”
“It’s going to be all right.” She squeezed my thigh and I put my hand on hers. “Have you thought about a name for him? With Marcella, you wanted your grandmother’s name, so I wondered if you want to do the same with a boy.”