“So you stripped me?!”
He nodded. “Yes, Mr. Caldwell.”
“What is wrong with you? Get out!”
“But Master Tanner…”
“I don’t care what Tanner said. I don’t want to be stripped. And the last thing I need right now is to be played a chorus of bells.”
“It’s actually a very peaceful way to awake from one’s slumber.”
“Nigel. Out.”
He gave me a little bow and scurried out the bedroom door.
I rubbed my forehead. Fuck. How much had I had to drink last night? It felt like there was a freight train careening around in my head.
There was a knock on the door and Nigel poked his head back in. “Sorry to bother you, but breakfast is being served in 15 minutes and Master Tanner wanted to extend you an invitation.”
I just glared at him.
“Your clothes are also freshly pressed and hanging in the closet.”
I looked over at the open closet doors. Even my socks were hung up. I was pretty sure he’d ironed them too.
“Would you like me to draw you a bath?”
“I think I can manage, Nigel.”
He nodded. “I’ll come check on you in a few minutes.”
“Please don’t.”
“Just in case there’s anything else you need. You never know when something will come up. See you shortly.” He closed the door.
Why did it seem like Nigel just wanted to see me naked again? I’d grown up with a staff, but none of them were as weird as Nigel. Where had Tanner found this guy?
I pushed the sheets off of me and practically ran to the bathroom. I showered as fast as I could and somehow managed to have a towel wrapped around my waist before Nigel came into the guest bathroom.
“Ah, you’re finished.” He sounded disappointed. “Shall I help you into your little outfit?”
Had he seriously just called my expensive suit a little outfit when he was dressed in what had to be costume lederhosen? “No, I’m good.”
“It’s no trouble, Mr. Caldwell.”
“I swear to God.” I took a deep breath, which somehow made my headache worse. “I just need a minute.”
He did a weird little bow and hurried out of the room.
I quickly changed before Nigel could get a dick pic or whatever the hell he was after. I wandered out into the hall. Just like every time I’d been here before, there were white sheets covering most of the furniture and there were even some cloths draped over what I assumed were paintings on the walls. If the décor wasn’t all so modern, it would have seemed like I was walking around in a haunted house.
Tanner had been renovating the place for years. Which was crazy because I’d completely renovated a whole house in less time. Although, this place may have had just as much square footage as my house. I walked by one of the many doors in the hall. Maybe this penthouse was even bigger than my place, because I’d just taken yet another turn in the hallway and I still hadn’t found the great room. Huh.
I looked over my shoulder to make sure that I was alone and reached out to grab one of the doorknobs so I could see just how much space Tanner had here. All I saw was a blinding white light before Nigel came out of nowhere and slammed the door closed.
He seemed completely out of breath like he’d just sprinted over to stop me. “Mr. Caldwell, you mustn’t go in there. Are you trying to get burned?”
What? “Burned?”
Nigel’s eyes bulged. “Snoopers get burned by fire. Lit up like a spark. As the old saying goes.”
Nigel’s sayings were as strange as Tanner’s. I laughed. “I was just trying to get a read on the square footage of this place.”
“It depends on the day. Now if you please, sir, the dining room is right this way.” He gestured down the hall.
“What do you mean it depends on the day?”
“Expansions.”
Was he high? I looked down at him as we made our way through the impossibly long hallway. We were on the 89th floor. The top floor of One57. Logistically it would be really hard to expand this property. And why did Tanner even need to expand? He hadn’t even properly moved in yet.
We were almost at the dining room when I had to sidestep a white sheet that was blanketing something tall and wide. Was it a tree or something? How the heck did Tanner even get something so large up here?
I reached out to push the fabric aside and Nigel slapped my hand.
“Ow.” I pulled my hand away from the cloth.
“Off-limits,” Nigel said. “Now please, Mr. Caldwell, go eat before you accidentally catch fire.”
“Nigel, I just…”
“Master Tanner, your guest has arrived for breakfast,” Nigel said super loudly.
Normally I’d be distracted by the amazing view of Central Park from Tanner’s open floor plan. But it was rather hard to look at the view when Tanner was sitting at the far end of a long dining room table being fed grapes by two topless women. His silk robe didn’t look like it had been closed properly and I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if one of those women had just had something other than a grape in her mouth.
One of them giggled as she plopped another grape in Tanner’s mouth.
It honestly wasn’t the strangest thing I’d ever walked in on Tanner doing. It didn’t even make the top ten list. I was just surprised the women weren’t decked out in weird lederhosen like Nigel.
“Good morning, Matt,” Tanner said. “Did you sleep alright?” The stupid grin on his face made me think that Tanner probably had a hand in Nigel’s antics this morning. The blonde to his left ceremoniously plopped another grape into his mouth.
“That depends on if you think waking up to a terrible chorus of bells and finding out a houseboy stripped you in the middle of the night…”
Tanner started laughing. “I thought you’d find that funny.”
“My headache begs to differ.”
“Well, I didn’t give him much time to practice.” He turned to his houseboy. “Good heavens, Nigel, what are you wearing?”
Nigel looked down at his ridiculous costume. “I’m wearing what I always wear. Just like you insisted last night when you and Mr. Caldwell got lost in the wine cellar.”
“No, you’re supposed to wear the other costume when Matt…” Tanner’s voice trailed off.
Nigel and Tanner both looked like they’d been caught in some weird lie.
“How many costumes does he have?” I asked.
Tanner cleared his throat. “Just that one. Like Nigel said. He’s always wearing that.”
“No, he’s usually wearing that weird Victorian butler outfit…”
“Nonsense,” Tanner said. “Nigel always wears lederhosen. Don’t you Nigel?”
“Why, yes, Master Tanner. These are my favorite…pant. Pants? Shorts? I don’t really know what this is. And it’s rather itchy.”
“That’s quite enough, Nigel. Please leave us to eat.”
Nigel hurried off.
“And girls, would you wait for me in my room?” Tanner said. “I need a word with Matt in private before he goes to work.” He whispered something in one of their ears as he slapped the other girl on the butt. They both giggled and went off down the hall I’d just come from.