Yeah. It was too much.
Money be damned, Benito let his eyes fall closed, but as his luck seemed to be going lately, as he did, the train jolted to a stop at Bushey station. He jerked forward and smashed his face into the seat in front of him. The impact was glancing, but it hurt his already aching bones. He hadn’t slept much since Saturday. Hadn’t eaten. Instead he’d paced his flat and played chicken with his phone, counting the hours until his meet with Asa had come around and he could finish what he’d started.
Probably.
Maybe.
He still wasn’t sure what he was walking into, and he cared less than he had when he’d agreed to the meet. Kill me. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Gianna flashed into his mind, but he pushed her away. She was better off without him.
The train rumbled through the stops until Euston. Benito drifted through the ticket barriers and made himself walk past the sniffer dogs checking commuters for explosives. Arrest me. Take it. Take it all.
No one did. For once in his life, he was invisible.
Asa wanted to meet in central London, a world away from the grotty tower blocks Benito had briefly ruled over, but Benito was four hours early, and he got on the tube in the opposite direction.
Half an hour later, he found himself staring at a tatty sign from across the street—Toni’s Cafe—as tired and somehow welcoming as it had always been, the same condensation in the windows.
The same moody Italian grilling bacon and scowling at customers.
Benito almost smiled, but he didn’t have it in him, and despite the nostalgia, he didn’t go in.
Never had. Instead, he waited on a bench opposite the door, knowing it wouldn’t be long before he was seen.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Benito looked up. Paolo Cilberto stood in front of him, fire in his dark eyes, rage in his clenched fists. Benito tried not to smile. He’d always admired this about Paolo, the way he wore every emotion on his sleeve and didn’t give a single fuck who saw. He was brave beyond anything Benito could even dream of.
Like Mickey.
Like the man Paolo loved enough to abandon his work and charge across the road to fight to the death for.
“I need to see Luis,” Benito said.
Paolo’s glower burned hotter. “Fuck off.”
“Easy. It’s not business. It’s personal.”
“You don’t have anything personal with him. You’re a piece-of-shit road man and you promised you’d leave him alone. What’s wrong with you people?”
“Everything,” Benito quipped before he caught himself. “That’s why I need to see Luis. I need his advice.”
“I have some for you. Go die somewhere else.”
Benito pursed his lips. If Paolo hadn’t meant every syllable with enough venom to kill them both, it might’ve been funny. But it wasn’t funny. Not even close. Paolo had good reason to protect Luis, especially from Benito.
I deserve his hate. “I’m all right with dying just here, thanks,” Benito said. “I just need to see Luis before I expire. Please? I’ll be quick.”
“Go fuck your—”
“Paolo.” Luis Pope appeared like a god. Before Mickey, Benito had considered him beautiful, with his too-long hair and soulful eyes. His mean mug that disguised the heart of a man who just wanted to live. Now, two days after Benito had fucked up enough that he’d probably never see Mickey again, Luis just looked irritated.
He stepped in front of Paolo and faced Benito down. “You’re supposed to be dead,” he said flatly.
“Am I?”
“What do you want?”
“Advice. I don’t want any trouble, honest.”
“Advice,” Luis repeated slowly. “The fuck could I know that you don’t? You’re the brains of the game, aren’t you?”
“Was. I haven’t been around for a while. I’m dead, remember?”
“And yet, here you are.”
Benito said nothing. Just stayed still, praying Luis would see past the hate and violence that had coloured their interactions up until now.
Luis turned away and said something to Paolo.
Paolo growled and stormed away.
Benito didn’t watch him go. He fixed his gaze on the ground and drifted until Luis gripped his elbow and tugged him to his feet.
“Come on.”
“Come on where?”
Luis steered Benito across the road. “I’m not doing this on the street. You want to talk to me, you do it where I need to be.”
That turned out to be inside the cafe. Luis pointed to a corner table. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
Still clutching his cash-stuffed bag, Benito took a seat in the corner, facing the cafe, gaze instinctively trained on the door, but it wasn’t long before his attention shifted to the heated exchange happening over the grill.
Even from behind, Paolo’s temper was popping. He moved bacon and sausages around with vicious, stabbing movements while Luis murmured in his ear, his hand splayed at the base of Paolo’s spine.
Benito tracked Luis’s hand as it began to move in slow, soothing circles, then as it travelled up Paolo’s back and cupped the back of his head. They kissed, warm and sweet, and what was left of Benito’s heart splintered. He’d known Luis had loved Paolo since before Luis had likely known it himself. It had made him vulnerable, and through Dante, Benito had exploited that vulnerability, leaving Luis at breaking point.
You don’t deserve his help.
Benito shoved his chair back and stood, aiming for the door.
Luis intercepted him before he took a step. “Sit down. We don’t have to talk if you’ve changed your mind. Just eat something, okay? It’ll keep Paolo happy.”
Nothing about those words made sense. Benito let Luis ease him back into his seat, then shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”
“You look it.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah. I mean, you’re bigger than I remember, though, but maybe that’s because Asa isn’t standing beside you. I’ve only ever seen you together.”
“You’ve seen Asa without me.”
Luis’s gaze flickered. “Not for a long time.”
Of course it had been a long time. Asa and Luis had hooked up before Luis had served a six-year stretch inside. When he’d got out, he’d fought with all he had to stay away from the life that had brought Benito to his knees at his feet. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
Benito shrugged. “Everything?”
“Be specific, man. I don’t even like you, let alone got time for this bullshit.”
“Asa wants a hundred grand to let me go.”
Luis’s brows shot up. Then he whistled. “That’s a lot of Ps. To be honest, I thought you were already gone. You’ve been dark a long time.”
“I wasn’t dark, just somewhere else. He wanted me out of the ends, so I left. Went back to my girls cos he said he’d kill them if I stayed here.”
“Girls? Your missus?”
“Nah. My mum and my sister.”
A frown marred Luis’s handsome face. “I thought you didn’t have any family.”
Benito laughed without humour. “I said that to protect them. But it wasn’t enough in the end. He found them anyway.”