“I hate that he lied to me.”
Smack.
“I hate that he hurt me.”
Smack.
“I hate that he took my virginity and tarnished what was meant to be special.”
Smack.
My eyes widen at her confession.
Tears gather in her eyes as she hits the bag harder. “I hate that I let my parents and family down.”
Smack.
“I hate that I feel weak.”
Smack.
“I hate that this happened because I was being selfish.”
Smack.
“I hate that my mum can’t look at me without being reminded of what she went through.”
Smack.
Her chest rises rapidly as she struggles for breath. A sob hitches from her throat as she weakly throws another punch.
“I hate that he’s out there and no one knows where.”
Smack.
“I hate that he could turn up and I’m too scared to tell my family.”
“Charlotte,” I softly call out, beginning to worry I’ve pushed her too far.
“I hate that I’ve lost a part of myself that I can’t find, and that others have noticed.”
“Charlotte,” I demand, taking a step forward. She’s no longer hitting the bag with each admission. She’s hitting it with both hands, her voice rising.
“I hate that he did this to me,” she screams.
I step forward, but so does she, going for the bag. She’s no longer punching but smacking the bag.
“I hate that he took a dream from me and I’ll never get it back.”
“Charlotte,” I whisper, my heart aching as I watch the girl crumble before me.
“But most of all, I hate that I hate myself,” she chokes out, right before she falls to her knees on the matt, sobs racking through her body. I follow, bending down to pull her into my arms.
I don’t know much about her, but I know this isn’t her. I had hoped to gain a lot from this session, but not this. I didn’t think it went this deep.
I also noticed she was madder at herself than she was with him; the guy who caused this.
“It’s okay now. It’s okay,” I soothe.
“I was so stupid. I feel like such a fool,” she cries out. “I gave myself to him and it was all a lie. He knew I wanted children, a husband. He knew all my secrets and desires. He knew what my virginity meant to me.”
I don’t know what to say, so I continue to hold her, hoping like fuck Landon doesn’t come back and find us. He’d kick my arse if he knew.
“I’m never going to have any of it. I’m going to be alone.”
“Charlotte, you are young. One bad guy doesn’t define them all.”
“It does if you’re me,” she tells me, blinking up at me.
I’m struck by her beauty. “What do you mean?”
“No one wants me. I’m not sure people really like me and I try. I really do try. He was my chance at a happily ever after.”
“Fairy tales aren’t real,” I remind her.
“They are,” she whispers. “My family are proof of that.”
“Life isn’t just about love. It’s about living, Charlotte. You can’t go on thinking this is it for you. There’s more out there.”
“Do you really think so?”
I can’t explain what I’m feeling. I have been around beautiful women plenty, so it isn’t that. It isn’t even the subject.
It’s her.
There’s just something about her.
And I want her to know she can have it all.
I clear my throat. “I really do.”
She sits up, and bites her lip when she realises she’s sat between my legs. “I’m sorry for that.”
I tap her chin. “That is exactly what we wanted. Now I know what I’m working with.”
“I thought it was about self-defence classes.”
I shake my head. “Self-defence is more than fighting off an attacker. It’s a way for those to feel strong again, to take back power. It can be a great healing tool, especially if it’s done right.”
“Thank you,” she chokes out. “I didn’t realise I was even thinking some of those things until I said them.”
“You’ve been through a lot,” I remind her. “And it hasn’t been that long since it happened.”
“I know.”
“I do think you should talk to your mum though. I can’t say for certain, but I think it may be in your head. You have a lot of self-doubt and it could be that you’re projecting.”
“I just hate seeing the heartbreak on her face whenever I see her.”
I duck my head. I had been guilty of that with Nora. “I did that with my sister. I hated that she never had us there to protect her, that her mum let her down once again. I was even mad at my dad for going to another junk yard to pick up some spare parts instead of being at home. I was furious with the guy who attacked her.”
“Did they catch him?” she whispers.
I nod. “Someone intervened and scared him off. He ran in front of a bus. And died.”
Her eyes widen before she bursts out laughing, taking me off guard. She tries to stop, but more laughter spills free. “Oh God, I– I don’t mean to laugh,” she chokes out, laughing once again. My lips twitch as she places her hand over her mouth, but suddenly, her expression crumbles and she’s bursting into tears. “He’s still out there. I’m worried he’ll come back because he’s mad.”
I grip her cheeks, and I know I’m pushing it. I know I shouldn’t be touching her. But I can’t help it. “He’ll never get to you. You have a family who are willing to do what it takes to protect you, and if he does come, I’m going to make you strong enough to fight back and get away.”
“Like Hayden?”
I grimace, letting go. I’ve met Landon’s sister and she’s scary as fuck. I swear my balls turned blue when she started fighting with Landon over a chicken.
A chicken.
That family is certifiably crazy.
“Maybe not like Hayden,” I tell her.
Her lips twitch. “She’s feisty and strong.”
My brows pull together. “So are you. It’s in you, Charlotte. But never forget who you are either. Sometimes the strongest people we know are the quietest.”
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” she whispers.
“When you remember, the game changes,” I tell her.
She tilts her head up, her lips parting in wonder.
“So, this is why you aren’t answering your phone.”
I jump, glancing away from Charlotte. “Mum! What are you doing here?”
CHAPTER NINE
CHARLOTTE
Mum?
I get to my feet, and close my jacket when she runs her gaze over me, her lip curling. Or at least, I think it was. Her lips look a little… stiff. There’s no movement at all. On any of her face. Yet, she doesn’t need to have movement there. Her eyes say it all.
Freaky.
She turns to her son. “I came because you have been ignoring my calls.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve been busy.”