“I don’t think I am, I know I am, but it sounds really stupid when you say it like that,” Etienne said.
“Because it is!” Adam snapped, suddenly furious. “You thought I wouldn’t want you because you’re not, what, ‘conventionally attractive’? You made that choice for me without giving me a chance. You just shut me down, even though I’d already seen you and knew what you looked like—”
“You were drunk and you’re half-blind!” Etienne shouted. He clamped a hand over his mouth, clearly regretting the outburst, as Adam slowly stood.
“Fuck you,” he said, very carefully. “Fuck you for thinking any of that makes the slightest bit of difference to me.”
Etienne shook his head, dropping his hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean—”
“I didn’t ask to look this way anymore than you did,” Adam cut him off. “I know people are nicer to me because I’m attractive. I try not to take advantage of it. But you don’t get to decide there’s nothing between us when there clearly is, all because you think you….” He made a vague gesture. “You don’t measure up, or something. It’s bullshit, and it’s not fair to either of us.”
Etienne looked miserable, his shoulders slumped and head hanging. Adam wanted to shake him, or kiss him, or both. Shake him and then kiss him, he decided.
“I’ll be out of your hair in five minutes,” Etienne said, not looking up.
“You’ll what now?”
“I don’t have much to pack.”
“Whoa, okay, I think this conversation has gone two very different ways for us,” Adam said. “What did you get from everything I just said?”
“Fuck me, and I don’t get to decide for you, and I took your choice away. You’re obviously mad at me. So I’m going, okay?” Etienne took a step toward the bedroom.
“Stop.”
Etienne jerked to a stop and Adam blew out a half-laughing breath, raising his eyes to the ceiling.
“Lord give me patience,” he muttered, took two quick steps, and hauled Etienne down into a hard, bruising kiss.
Etienne was completely still, frozen as if in shock. Adam growled and pressed closer, demanding entry, hands in Etienne’s hair and bodies plastered together.
Just as he was about to give up and admit defeat, step back and gather his dignity up off the floor, Etienne groaned brokenly and snaked his arms around Adam’s waist, yanking him even closer.
That was more like it. Etienne kissed like a man possessed, mouth devouring Adam’s until Adam couldn’t breathe, his head spinning and world swaying. Who needed oxygen anyway? He clung to Etienne’s broad shoulders and let him take him apart, willingly giving up control.
When Etienne broke the kiss and eased away, Adam made a noise of complaint, trying to tug him back for more.
“Can’t you see?” he said against Etienne’s mouth. “How much it doesn’t matter?”
“It only doesn’t matter if you have it,” Etienne said, sounding resigned. “But for the record, you noticed me. You flirted with me. And—” He swallowed hard. “You make me smile all the goddamn time.”
“Uh, yeah,” Adam said, tightening his grip. “Because I’m a delight.”
He relished the laugh that burst from Etienne at that, pulling him back down into another kiss. But Etienne refused to let him deepen it that time, catching his hand when Adam tried to explore.
“Mm—no,” he said, pulling free. “You’re still wounded, as you keep reminding me. No sex while you’re on IR.”
“What? But that’s an entire month!”
Etienne doubled over with laughter, arms around his ribs. “Your face—” he sputtered when he was finally able to straighten. “Oh my god, Cary, you really think I’d make you wait a whole month for sex?”
Adam glared at him while Etienne wiped tears from his eyes.
“No, I won’t make you wait a month,” he finally said. “But I do think you need a few more days to recover.”
“But—
“Nope.” Etienne’s voice was uncompromising but his eyes softened. “I’m your emergency contact, remember? I’m gonna take care of you.” His lips twitched at Adam’s expression. “Come here.” He pulled him in, Adam going willingly, but didn’t kiss him. Instead he wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and just held him.
“What are you doing?”
“Hugging you,” Etienne said, lifting his head. “You do know what a hug is, right?”
“Fuck off,” Adam said, shoving ineffectually at his shoulder.
“I’m just asking because you have a golf course in your living room,” Etienne said, twisting away from the mock blow without letting go. “You’re not what anyone would consider normal.”
He let go but Adam protested wordlessly, catching at Etienne’s shirt. Etienne stopped and tucked him back into his arms, his unhurt cheek on Etienne’s shoulder.
Adam closed his eyes. “People don’t hug me,” he mumbled into Etienne’s shirt.
“What?”
Adam lifted one shoulder. “They touch me, yeah, all the time. They never stop touching me. They fuck me if I let them. And sure, on the ice, my teammates if I score, that’s to be expected. But outside of that, no one—besides my mom—ever hugs me. I don’t know why.”
Etienne’s arms tightened. “Well, brace yourself, because I’m gonna hug the shit out of you.” He paused. “I probably should’ve thought that wording through.”
Adam tried to muffle the snicker. “Thank you,” he whispered.
9
“I have to go to practice today,” Etienne said the next morning. Adam was propped at the bar, still half-asleep as Etienne made omelettes. “Will you be okay on your own?”
“Mm-hm,” Adam said, good cheek on his fist.
“Also call your parents.”
“Texted ‘em,” Adam said, his eyes closed. “‘S fine. I’ll call tonight.”
Etienne frowned but didn’t push. “Also I have a game this Saturday. And one on Sunday. So I’ll be gone and pretty useless those days too.”
“Mkay,” Adam said. He blinked drowsily. “You have a game this weekend?”
“Two, yes, thanks for listening.”
“I’m coming, right?”
Etienne nearly dropped the egg. Adam was sitting up, looking wide awake.
“You want to?”
“I might have moved up, but I still have friends who play there,” Adam pointed out. “You might even know some, there’s this guy named Rudy—”
Etienne threw a stalk of kale at him. “Fine, yes, of course you can come. I’ll get you a ticket.”
“Oh, and the team doctor wants to see me this afternoon,” Adam said. He sounded much less excited about that.
“Practice will be over by one, I’ll take you.”
“You don’t have to, I know how to hail a cab.”
“I’ll take you,” Etienne repeated. He loved the way Adam’s eyes softened before he smiled, tiny lines fanning out and making him look young and sweet and impossibly beautiful.