That’s what she had been searching for all these years. A path to minimize the potential for heartbreak. She was no risk-taker—not in the slightest! Not like Reid.
This man was willing to work on himself, make all these small but crucial changes to widen those cracks in his armor. Loosening that grip on his control took effort, but that was Reid: the hardest-working person she knew.
People said that about her. You’re so busy. You work so much. But unlike Reid, she wasn’t working toward something. She was working to keep the past at bay, the present in stasis, and the future from evolving.
She kept driving, past the Congregational Church where her dad used to embarrass her by sing-shouting the hymns. He would wink at her and draw her smothered giggle.
God wants you to express yourself, Ken. He doesn’t care how you do it, as long as you do it with joy.
The Kennedy of old would claim wholeheartedly that she was doing just that. With every stamp in her passport, with every bite of a new cuisine, with every sunrise over a foreign hill. But she wasn’t sure she knew true joy until she had run around a park with Reid and Bucky or listened as he patiently explained to her the game of hockey or lay in his arms surrounded by a blanket fort dressed with pillows and bed linens.
She almost missed the turn to her old street—the horn of the car behind her told her she took the corner too suddenly. Someone else had built a new structure in the ashes of the old. The only thing that was recognizable was the cherry blossom tree, now naked and frost-flecked.
“Mom loved that tree, Buck. That’s why she and Dad bought the house. Because the tree was in bloom and she could see the future under it.”
Bucky raised his head, angling for a rub, so she gave it to him because he was a great puppy and deserved all the love in the world.
She headed to her final stop. The cemetery wasn’t big enough to drive around, so she parked, grabbed the potted plant, and brought Bucky out on his leash. After a couple of hours cooped up in the car he was clearly excited, even if it was colder than the lake they’d pulled him from.
“Just up here a bit, Buck. Not too far.”
The headstone stood tall, unweathered marble that would be here long after she was gone.
Libby and Benjamin Clark
Beloved parents, teachers, and humans.
Death cannot part them.
The pastor wouldn’t allow Peanut to be buried with them, which seemed all wrong. Her dad had loved Peanut.
“Sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been away for a while.”
Bucky strained at his leash, then relaxed and sniffed at the grass. She placed the potted calla lily near the headstone. The flowers would wilt and start to die the moment she left, and she tried not to see an analogy for her own heart in that.
“I’ve been doing okay. Or at least, I thought I was. Faking it around the world. I came back for Edie, but I think I was just tired as well. Tired of having to pretend this was the only way to be happy.”
She hunkered down because she needed the warmth of her furry friend to say the next part.
“There’s a boy. Now, Dad, I know you won’t approve because that’s your job. But I think you’d like him. He’s serious and quietly funny and he has such a big heart. He doesn’t know how big. I think I screwed up because I worried about the joy I felt with him, if it was counterfeit, if it could last. He thinks I don’t care when really I care so much it fucking hurts.” She sniffed. “I know, language. Sorry, Mom.”
“I don’t think that.”
Shocked at the sound of another voice—Reid’s voice—she lost her balance and landed on her ass. Bucky abandoned her and lunged at his master, who hunkered down and hugged him hard, all while keeping his eyes on Kennedy.
“And I thought you yoga experts had better balance than hockey players.” He grasped her hand and pulled her upright in one fluid move. “Hi, roomie.”
“Hi.” He still held her hand or maybe she still held his. Either way, neither of them seemed inclined to let go. “How did you find me?”
“Bucky’s GPS. I didn’t think it would work so far out but here I am. Stalking my puppy, not you.” He pulled her close, giving the lie to those words. “I stopped by the apartment to pick up stuff for my trip to Toronto. You weren’t there and curiosity got the better of me. The tracker only has a ten-mile range but you must have just left, so I’ve been behind you all the way. I should have waited until you were finished just now but—I—I didn’t want to wait any more.”
That cracked open something inside her. Reid, behind her, supporting her on the road, and she hadn’t even realized he was there. But maybe he was here because he was worried about Bucky.
“Don’t you have a flight to Toronto to catch?”
“I sent Bast on his way. He and I have sorted things out and this is more important.” Reid was doing the dark-eyed intense thing again. “You were right about standing up to my father. I’ve put up with it, let it affect my relationship with Bast, let it rule how I run my life. I got into it with him. Told him how I felt, how it hurt.”
She had checked in with Bast and had the broad brushstrokes of what went down, but hearing Reid say it checked her heart. “That was really brave of you.”
“Don’t know about that. I told him that how he treats me is toxic and I wasn’t going to let him do that anymore. I was mostly worried about how Bast would take it.”
“He took your side.”
Reid smiled, just that flash she adored. “You know him better than I do because you’re a good judge of character. Yeah, he took my side. Told Henri that he wasn’t welcome. All this time I’ve been holding my breath, mostly worried about damaging my relationship with my brother. Or doing more damage to it. I don’t have a lot of friends, so I—I need him.”
Tears stung her eyes. “And he needs you. Also, you have more friends than you think, Reid.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. I have you, I hope. I think we’ve become friends, even if I ruined it by doing my grouchy, heart of darkness bit. Now here I am, your asshole friend, intruding on your moment.”
“No, not at all.” Reid was meant to be here, meeting her parents. “Can I introduce you?”
“Only if you’re sure.”
She was sure. Even if she and Reid could never be more, she wanted him in her life any way that could happen.
“Mom, Dad, this is Reid Durand, aka Hot Jerk, aka NHL’s most amazing center, aka a total cinnamon roll sweetheart.” She snuck a look at him to find his eyebrow in the Reid quirk of amused. “They’re detail-oriented people.”
“Figured as much.”
“And Reid, this is my mom and dad, aka Libby and Benjamin Clark, aka the best parents a girl could have.”
He nodded with his usual Reid gravity. “Good to meet you both. You did a great job with this girl. She’s kind and generous and doesn’t understand how special she is. Maybe that makes her humble, but I think it also makes her a little bit clueless.”
“Oh, Dad will like that. He always thought I wasn’t ambitious enough.” The enormity of the moment reared up and threatened to choke her. Reid must have sensed it because he turned her into his hard chest and let her weep softly.