Autumn snorts. “Yeah, he switched to WashU because he knew if you guys thought he was still gunning for Princeton, there’d be a target on his back. After the laxatives, none of us wanted to even think of what you might do.”
It takes my hand going cold for me to notice that Ethan’s removed his. It’s as if all the oxygen has been sucked from the room. Then Ethan hops up, wiggles his empty glass, and says, “I’m empty. Anyone else need a refill?”
Autumn and I wave him off, and my lungs slowly fill back up with air. I realize this is an ideal opportunity—the only one, really—to ask her my burning question.
“What about Avery? Rebecca mentioned blackmail.”
Her triumphant smirk falls into a scowl.
“God, that bitch.” Autumn’s nostrils flare as she releases a huff. “Look, I’ll tell you only because Stina’s long gone, but if I hear shit about it, I will hunt you down and I will kill you.”
As soon as the threat is out of her mouth, Autumn’s eyes go wide and she smacks a hand over her lips as if to take it back. “Shit, you know I don’t mean that. Given everything that’s happened, with Emma. But…” She groans. “Just don’t tell anyone, okay?”
I give her my word, now desperate to get this information any which way I can.
“Avery…hooked up with Stina. Led her on. And then Avery said that unless Stina endorsed you for editor in chief, she would tell Stina’s very Christian, very conservative parents that she was queer. It’s cliché as shit, and trust me, Stina is living her truth at Emory, but still. Her parents haven’t caught up with the times, and they one hundred percent would have withdrawn tuition support and probably kicked her out, too. Serious shit. Avery is garbage.”
“Shit.” It slips out as I lean back in my chair. I suck down an Arnold Palmer, my mind a jumble. Avery gay-baited someone to get me the editor job? And then I didn’t even get it! Well, not exactly. I preferred the version where she told me it had been bribery. Avery has money in spades. But integrity? You only get so much. Avery’s is shot.
“How do you know all this?” I ask in a whisper. I look to the drinks station to track Ethan’s position, but I don’t see him.
“I caught them together. And then you got her endorsement, which I thought was weird, given she didn’t even like you that much. Oh, no offense. I confronted her and she told me.”
“I had no idea. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, good, you’re making up!” Ethan appears with a full glass of orange soda and a wide grin. Thank god he only caught my apology and not the reason for it.
Autumn snorts, finishing her turkey burger, then her water. “Making up, sure.” She softens the slightest bit. “But thank you for apologizing. I’m still not exactly a fan of yours, Olivia, but it’s good to know you were kind of in the dark about all of this. One less totally heinous bitch at this school. The Ivies, though. It was a matter of time before one of them ended up dead.” With that, Autumn picks up her tray, leaving Ethan and me still sitting behind her.
Humiliation burns my cheeks. Even without the Avery bombshell, Ethan’s heard enough.
“We were all ambitious,” I say, as though that justifies anything. “I never thought they’d take it that far.”
I’m all too aware of Ethan’s warm presence beside me. I’m shocked he hasn’t run away.
“Thank you for your help with Autumn. How’d you get her to change her mind?” I ask.
He shifts closer. I get a whiff of his piney aftershave. “Doughnuts and free Drake tickets,” he deadpans.
“Ha, ha,” I retort. “Even you’re not that Canadian.” I know he’s dodging the question. I wait for him to continue. After a time, he does.
“After Sierra did, um, what she did—though I swear to you I did not know the reason Autumn didn’t make varsity—anyhow, I built her a recruiting website for crew. Posted some video clips, a few articles I’d written about her for the Ledger, and her stats. She said it helped her get college coaches’ attention.”
I’m quiet for a long time. “I’m not proud of it, you know?”
Ethan rests his head on my shoulder. “We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.”
My phone buzzes, breaking us apart instantly. It’s a text from Avery.
Yes!!! My room, 8. Bring snacks. I’ve got the booze.
Ethan leans over to take a look. “Guess you’ve got a date with a snake.”
I am buzzed on a 2008 vintage pinot noir from Avery’s secret stash of wine, which includes bottles that cost more than every item of clothing on my body combined. Avery tops off my cup, though it isn’t even half-empty, and we clink the hard plastic together like fine ladies. Or tipsy sorority sisters.
Avery is leaning against a wall of pillows on her bed, laptop on her lap, and I’m sitting perpendicular to her near the end. Her calves are propped on top of mine, and they provide a perfect shelf for my own laptop.
My contribution to the evening’s proceedings is a jumbo bag of cheese puffs from the school market. Avery hogs the bag, crunching on pieces in steady succession, sucking neon-orange cheese dust from her fingers reverently.
She doesn’t look like a killer. Or a saboteur supreme.
We’re on hour two of writing essays…or attempting to write essays. The wine helps until it doesn’t; we keep taking detours, Avery sharing a piece of gossip on someone, me worrying about paying for college. And thrumming in the back of my mind are today’s revelations about Avery and my so-called friends. I know I should just ask her about what Autumn said, but I’m not even sure where to start.
Hey, Aves, did you hook up with Stina, then blackmail her?
Why have you and our other friends been performing truly heinous acts of sabotage behind my back?
That’s what’s really bothering me. Carving me up from the inside out. That they don’t trust me.
The sting of exclusion leaves behind a gentle, familiar ache. Then I question myself: Why would I want to be included in such vile acts? Is fitting in that important to me?
Maybe, the tiniest voice inside me whispers.
My mom’s voice rattles around my head, too: I don’t like how you get when you’re up there.
Me neither. But this is all I have. Claflin and the Ivies. I have to know who my friends really are. Maybe if I start Avery off with some small talk, I can work up to the big stuff.