I’ve walked outside a grand total of one time, just to get my little sister, Sawyer, her favorite snack food before she got home this afternoon, and it felt like every eye was on me. Poor trailer trash turned professional football player is back home after blowing up at his assistant coach. I can practically see the headlines scrolling through their brains as I stroll through town. It’s my own damn fault. My coach had pushed me to the brink, but it was me that snapped and landed myself back here for some R&R shit between spring and summer camps.
This place is shit, though. I’ve been here all of twelve hours and it took about half that long to decide coming back was the dumbest mistake I’d ever made. Sure, seeing Sawyer, when she got home from school had been amazing. I consider my life in North Carolina great, but I don’t have my brother, Sterling, or my baby sister there. They’re the only part of being home worthwhile.
Just walking down the street, it feels like everyone is whispering. If the people in this God forsaken town aren’t looking at me like I still have a short fuse like I did in high school, they’re looking at me like the asshole that broke the heart of the granddaughter of the town’s beloved preacher. There are too many damn memories here. Small town USA right here—everyone living in the past. You are the past deed’s you’ve done and after the way my mom and dad went out, my fate was already sealed before I could do a damn thing about it.
Football was never the dream, back then though. Back when all I cared about was stealing the smiles of my best friends’ sister. When everyone looked at me like a murderers’ son except her—Callie Williams. When the boujee ass people in this town wanted to condemn me for the sins of my father she stood by me.
It’s not like I could blame them. When you’re dad gets loaded at the local watering hole and refuses to let their sober, thirty-six weeks pregnant wife drive them home because he’s too proud and ends up in a head on collision killing his wife, injuring his not yet born daughter, and handicapping the high school football coach’s wife, the town is rightfully pissed. Sterling thrived even with all the negative attention from the townspeople and is now a respected cop. Baby Sawyer, well, I was twelve sitting in a hospital room every night after she was delivered via c-section from my dying mother.
I was pissed at my dad for his pride. Pissed at my mom for not fighting more. At the town for seeing my dad had a problem but doing nothing. It was a rough couple years for me that solidify my place on the wrong side of right for these people. But I always had Sterling, who’s only two years younger, Sawyer, and my Nana. She dropped everything to raise the three of us after my dad was hauled off to prison for vehicular manslaughter.
Deacon’s the one who helped pull me out of my hole. After being expelled from my second middle school, I landed in homeroom with this good old country boy. He had blond hair and big brown eyes, complete with a flannel shirt, worn jeans, and cowboy boots. I remember making fun of him profusely, but somehow, we ended up inseparable. He had me join the football team and, with him throwing and me catching, we were unbeatable.
As middle school turned to high school, and Deacon and I spending all our time practicing, football turned into the only way I’d make it to college. Then one day, his little sister went from being the annoying little girl to the only thing I could think about. I fought my feelings for so long, it became second nature. Until she showed interest back. Which turned football into the only way I would be able to provide for Callie the way she deserved—and she deserved the world. Unfortunately, that wasn’t mine to give.
Football was the sole reason staying away from Daphne has been so easy. With training camps and the kids camps they recommend we be a part of my whole off season is booked. When I do get a few weeks between the camps, I usually fly Sawyer up to see me. Sterling will come too when he can get the time off work. It’s been a Godsend to not have to come back to this town. The coffee shop where Callie and I went on our first date. The streets we used to ride just because we didn’t want to say goodnight. And there’s no way in hell I’ll even go within a three-mile radius of her Granddaddy's farm. A man only has so much strength and that place would send mine into a shriveled ball.
Just as my thoughts turn sour, Sterling comes walking downstairs. I’m so used to seeing him in his uniform, that when he walks down in khaki shorts and a button up, I’m slightly taken aback.
“Where you headed?”
“Sawyer’s sleeping over at a friend’s, so I thought I’d go out for a drink and watch the Marlin’s preseason game. Wanna join?”
Baseball wasn’t my favorite sport; it was a hell of a lot slower than football and I always felt myself zoning out. But with a crowded bar maybe I’d be able to get lost in the sea of faces and have a good time with my brother instead of hiding away.
“We meeting anyone?” I ask, my fear being he’s meeting up with co-workers.
“My partner and some other guys from our squad.”
Lifting the water bottle in my hands to my lips, I nod to let him know I heard him, but the appeal of having a beer with my brother dwindled. His captain is my ex-best friend. That complicates things.
“Don’t worry,” he says clearly reading my expression, “Deacon declined saying he’s busy.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, not even realizing I’d been holding it. “Sure, can I go in this?” I stand holding my hands out at my sides. I’m not dressed to impress like Sterling, but I’m also not lounging either. The tight V-neck I’m wearing is clean and unwrinkled and the cargo shorts have been washed recently-ish.
“Looks fine.” He shrugs as I lower my hands and follow him toward the front door. “Assuming you’re not trying to get laid,” he adds in a teasing tone.
“Kiss my ass. Getting my dick wet is the last thing I need right now.” We lock up the house and he slides into the passenger seat of my high-end SUV. I bought him a suped up truck a couple years ago, but I assume, being the cop he is, he doesn’t want to worry about driving while he’s had a little to drink.
The drive to the bar is comfortable. Since Nana died a few years back, it’s just been the three of us. Mostly Sterling raising Sawyer and me helping when I can. Being away puts a strain on how much I can do aside from the financial aspects quite a bit. I hate that I can’t be there for Sawyer when she needs help with her homework. Or when someone in school is mean to her. I’ve been away for so long and missed so much it makes me wonder if going back after this season is worth it.
I’m thirty and my contract is up this year. While I’m still in peak shape for my age, I’m starting to feel the hits more and more. I’m not sure how much longer my knees can take the hits or the yardage. Hell, after the blemish on my spotless social media record from the end of last season, I’m not even sure the Panthers will want to renew my contract. Not that being picked up as a free agent sounds any more appealing.
As we pull into the bar, my mind is all but made up. If I’m not picked up by the Panthers for another season or two when this one ends, I’m retiring. Sawyer will have graduated, and I have enough money to put her through college ten times over. I’ll be able to move her and Sterling away from here and we can figure life out as a family away from southern Alabama.