I’d never seen my father fragile, and after a lifetime of him being an inferno that blazed out of control whenever he walked into any room, far worse than the fire he’d started at the cathedral, this was strange.
He looked... old.
I didn’t like it.
Not one bit.
"Is Ma okay?" I asked softly.
He nodded. "She’s trying to get clean."
"Oh." Shit.
I reached up and scrubbed a hand over my face. I remembered this phase. After the Aryans, she’d take thirty-minute showers where she came out with her skin rubbed raw. Da had been the only one who could ever get her out from under the water.
"Yeah." He heaved a sigh. "She had to know, son."
"Did she? Are you sure about that?"
"I know that I needed revenge. Why shouldn’t she? He’s her boy too."
"You’re not exactly an over-sharer, Da."
"You’d be surprised what she knows." He shot me a look that was surprisingly measured. More than I was used to. More than I thought any of us were used to. This was getting fucking weird. "Son?"
"Yeah."
He reached out and cupped my shoulder. "Thank you for saving my soul."
Swallowing, I rasped, "You’re welcome."
"Finn came to see me a while ago. He told me what happened with St. Patrick’s." I tensed, but he shook his head. "You did good." He did the craziest thing then, his hand curved into a fist, and he tapped it gently against my chin. I was used to a punch, but not a gentle bump. "Look at you, taking over for me before I’m dead and gone."
My Adam’s apple bobbed.
Was this... acceptance?
Approval?
Fuck.
My mouth worked as I tried to figure out what the hell was happening here, and then I drawled, "You’re not leaving us yet. Long Live Aidan O’Donnelly, eh?"
His lips quirked up, but the smile didn’t hit his eyes. "We’ll see."
"Does Ma know about Finn?" I asked, my voice gruff.
"She does." His voice turned strained. "She loves him like he’s hers anyway. I wish he were.”
There was something in his eyes, a deep source of regret that had me shifting on my feet. This was just too much for anyone to have to deal with in this short a time.
"I’m about to get the women out of the safe room... I wanted to check in before I did though."
"Your ma says she likes this Savannah broad. She told me all about her when we woke up."
"Thought she’d be the last thing you had to talk about."
"After the tears and recriminations about the past, sometimes, you gotta think about the future. It’s cleansing." He tipped up his chin. "If you’re serious enough to bring her home for Christmas, then you have my approval. Not that you need it."
"Don’t I? I thought I did."
"After what you did—" His voice broke. "You earned the right to pick your own bride."
"What about Conor?"
"Think he’ll ever get married?" Da shook his head. "I don’t. But we’ll see. He has the right to make his own decision about that too."
My eyes flared wide.
Talk about a fucking Christmas miracle.
I cleared my throat. "We’ll need to show a strong front about the church attacks."
"I know. But not tonight, and not tomorrow either." It was well into the early hours of Christmas Eve by now. "Let’s just enjoy the holidays."
"We need to present an image, Da. You wouldn’t ordinarily let things lie like that."
"No? Well, there’s a first for everything."
I was well aware that I needed to tell him about his brother, but as I looked at him, right then, right there, I knew that would just be the nail in the coffin. So, instead, I rasped, "Tell Ma I love her."
Da dipped his chin. "I will. I’ll haul her out of the shower in a minute. If you’re all going to bed, then we’ll probably get started on the food."
"You? You’re going to cook?"
He shrugged. "Used to help before I got too big for my boots. Ever there’s a moment where she needs her husband, it’s now."
Nodding, I made to turn away, but before I did, I twisted back and asked, "Da?"
"Yes, son."
"Did you both really want to die in that church?"
His mouth tightened. "I made a lot of sacrifices over the years to make you all untouchable, Aidan." Not Junior. Aidan. "I ruined relationships with you all, broke bones instead of building fences, and I did that to keep you safe. So you’d never have to feel what I did when Paddy and Frank died." I tensed, but he didn’t see, his gaze was turned back to the past. "You might not realize it, but ever since Jake was born, I’ve felt this..." He sighed and pressed his fist to his chest. "This ache inside. It’s strange. I’d kill for any of you, you know that. Especially after tonight. But for Jake? Now Shay?" He shook his head. "I’d burn this fucking city to the ground.
"Not just a pissant cathedral or a fucking church. Everything that made this city great would be in ashes if anyone hurt them." His jaw tensed. "I pray you never have to know what this feels like. What this fucking scream is like in my head. I know you have it, he’s your brother, but not like this. Not like what’s in your mother’s head.
"McKenna is dead, and the Archbishop who put him in my parish is dead too, but it doesn’t take away from what happened." He cleared his throat. "Revenge doesn’t take away what happened to Conor, doesn’t change the fact you saw that, that Finn did too.
"No," he rasped, his head shaking on repeat. "I pray you never have to hear this scream."
Well aware that he hadn’t answered my question, I whispered, "God takes you on his clock, Da, not the other way around."
"I know, son. I know. Don’t worry. We’ll get through this. We always fucking do, don’t we?"
His smile was tight, and as I nodded, I stepped back and away, turning my head over my shoulder as I watched him, my broken father retreat to help my broken mother... He was right on two matters. I heard that scream, but I’d never hear that as a parent because he wasn’t the only one who’d make NYC burn for his family.
My mind was racing as I started for downstairs, but before I could hobble my way back down, Da called out, "Aidan?"
Not Junior.
Was this going to be a thing now?
I straightened my shoulders. "Yeah?"
"Arrange for a meeting with Valentini in the morning. You deal with him. We’ll back him as Don."
My eyes flared wide. "You’re okay with me handling that?"
His top lip quirked up. "I think you’re more than ready for it, don’t you?"
I’d been ready for years, but he’d never trusted me before.
Stunned, I nodded. "Okay. I’ll get in touch with him now."
"Good."
As he closed the door, I started to make my way to the basement where my brothers were waiting to open the safe room together.
Frowning, and panting in pain from my fucking knee—goddamn, I had to go all the way back up those shitty stairs in a minute—I asked, "What are you waiting for?"