Letting my gaze drift down to Jake, I murmured, "Eoghan, can you take Jake back to Aoife?"
Finn frowned. "She’s baking. I was supposed to entertain him."
"He looks real entertained," I said dryly when I saw him tearing bits of paper apart. Fuck even knew where he’d gotten it from. "Plus, he doesn’t need to hear any of this." My jaw clenched, any amusement fading, and I said to my other brothers, "You need to back off."
"If this is about business," Eoghan growled, "then we have as much right to be here as anyone else."
"It isn’t." I knew then they weren’t going to fuck off. So I lied. "I want to tell Da about what’s been going on with me."
Declan’s brows rose. "Yeah?"
I hummed.
"Why does Finn get to stay?"
I shot him a mocking smile. "Back up?"
Brennan squinted at me. "This sounds like bullshit."
"Well, you spout enough of it," I retorted, "to recognize the smell. Now, fuck off all of you. I just need a half-hour is all. When playtime comes around, you can have fun with us if you want. Or like any goddamn regular person, you can enjoy a pre-Christmas Eve lunch with your women."
Eoghan cleared his throat. "He has a point."
Brennan grunted. "He does." To me, he muttered, "Fucker."
I just smirked at him, then to Declan and Eoghan said, "When you get back there, I brought a guest. Be nice." I was careful not to use pronouns.
"What the hell’s going on, Junior?" Da rumbled as I micromanaged his boys.
Looking at him, I murmured, "I need privacy."
We weren’t the closest, even though I was the eldest and had been around the old bastard the longest. I’d also been at his side for the most time, reared by his own hand as it were. Da was... I almost sighed. He was just Da. Insane, deranged, violent, but I knew he loved me. I knew he loved his boys, it just wasn’t the type of love that another father would understand. Not even one in the life.
His concern was clear though. My words had any festive jollity fading as he said, "Boys, do as your brother asks."
Eoghan, Brennan, and Declan headed out, scowling all the while, with Eoghan grabbing Jake and tossing him around a little which had the kid squealing with joy.
"Your boy likes me better," Eoghan boasted as he grabbed the many tons of layers the kid needed to step foot outside. By the time Eoghan was done dressing him, he looked like a padded starfish.
"For now he does," Finn jibed, then tacked on, "fuckface."
I grinned a little as Eoghan flipped him the bird, which Jake snagged in his hand, then gnawed on it like it was a pacifier.
When they drifted out, I asked Finn, "Check they’ve left?"
Frowning at me again, he got to his feet and wandered over to the door. Beyond, there was the hall I’d just walked down and it had windows, so I knew he could see them make their way back to the main house.
He turned around and said, "They’re leaving."
"What’s going on, Junior?" Da rasped.
I rubbed my chin. "This is hard to talk about, Da."
"I know about the Oxy. You don’t have to tell me—"
I wasn’t altogether surprised that Da figured it out. He was watchful around me anyway. But it still had me wincing. "The boys will be pissed. They thought they did a good job of covering for me."
He shrugged. "Know you too well. Like looking in the mirror."
Deep inside, I winced, but I clung to the conversation Savannah and I had had together in the car.
I wasn’t like him.
We weren’t a reflection of one another.
"I’m clean."
"Figured as much when Conor kept making excuses for you every time I called." Da took a deep drag of his cigar before he ground the glowing tip into an ashtray. "It’s the only reason I let you get away with missing Thanksgiving.
"I’m not sure I like how you’ll all lie to me to protect each other, but what can I say? I did the same for my brothers, and I wouldn’t want your relationships to be weaker for it." He grunted. "Let’s not make a habit of it though, hmm?"
"What? The lies or the drugs?"
"Both, preferably."
His calm surprised me, but to be honest, I was past caring if he knew or not. I was clean now, nothing to hide. If anything, the truth being out would be easier on us all. Pussyfooting around Da was never a simple task.
It was only then that I realized how much of a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Doing without the Oxy was hard, but there were some advantages to living without it.
And with Savannah around, well, it wasn’t difficult to stay distracted. Not just because her pussy was like the fucking mothership calling me home, but because thus far, it had been the opposite of all quiet on the Western Front thanks to her exposés.
"Surprised you let me get away with it for as long as you did."
"Knew you’d get yourself right when you were ready." He scratched his jaw. "Had a problem with Angel Dust back in the day. Managed to clean myself up before it got to be too big an issue."
Finn snorted, but it was soft and I heard him mutter, "Explains a lot," as he drifted past me.
I hid another smile.
Da eyed me. "Been thinking about visiting that orthopedic surgeon of yours."
Surprised, I jerked back. "Why?"
"I’m sure he fucked up your surgery. My boy don’t get hooked for nothing. I figure he messed up the procedure and the hospital is covering his ass." His gaze turned mean. "Figured I’d break his knees, let him see how much pain you were in—"
Scoffing, I told him, "Da, that’s insane."
"He fucked up. You shouldn’t be like this all these years later. Hobbling around like a goddamn cripple. It’s not right."
"Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t." I cleared my throat. "I should go in for a check up."
"Thought you had to go in regularly," Da pointed out as Finn mirrored my position on his desk, much as Eoghan had earlier.
"I do, and I haven’t been."
Da growled. "Dipshit."
"I know." I ducked my head. "It was easier just to pop some pills, but I’m gonna have to do something. The pain’s bad. But... either way, don’t be breaking any surgeon’s knees, okay? It’s not necessary."
Da grumbled under his breath but, otherwise, stayed silent.
"The reason I wanted to talk with you... it’s not about the drugs." Reaching up to rub the back of my neck, I rasped, "Do you remember when Father Doyle went to the Vatican? Finn and I were about fifteen?"
I felt Finn’s tension—didn’t even have to look at him to sense it.
"Jesus, that’s ancient history, boy. What the hell do you want me to be thinking about that for? Wasn’t that when Paddy was—" He swallowed. "When those bastards slaughtered him like he was a fucking pig?"
"Aidan, what are you doing?" Finn asked softly.
"I gotta tell him, Finn. I ain’t got no choice. So much is wrapped up in this story. It’s such a fucking mess."