Horrible dreams where I wake up drenched with perspiration and gasping for air.
Because, damn, if that ever happened, I wouldn’t survive it. I’ve been through a lot of things in my life but that I couldn’t cope with.
Some nights my insecurities get so bad that I dread going to sleep. I can’t handle the thought of seeing them making love in our bed.
It feels so real.
I think that’s a huge part of my problem: that they make love, not fuck.
I hate that he loved her first.
It kills me.
But I’ll never tell him. I would never admit any of it because I know this isn’t about her or anything he’s done. I have no reason to be insecure.
It’s about me and the damage my ex-husband caused when I found him in my bed with another woman.
The way he looked up at me while he was still inside of her.
My heart constricts.
I close my eyes to try and block out the memory but the pain still lingers.
The cut is so deep, I don’t know if it will ever heal. My breath quivers on the inhale as I stare out into the night. I hate that it still affects me after all this time.
Every text Sebastian receives, I wonder if it’s from her.
Every time he’s late home, I wonder if he’s been with her.
And it’s just ridiculous because I know Sebastian would never do that to me, and I know that she hasn’t contacted him at all, but my gut won’t lose this feeling that the shoe is about to drop.
I don’t trust Helena, and to know that she wants him back just adds salt to my wound.
I’m not an insecure person—I never have been—but I think I just love Sebastian so much that my vision is clouded. My sister Eliza says this is totally normal after coming out of a divorce and that, in time, I will get over it.
I will not let my fears poison our love. So, for now, I’ll hold it all in and keep it to myself.
I’ll act brave.
Because Sebastian Garcia’s love is worth being brave for.
The car pulls up to our destination at 10 Downing Street. The Prime Minister’s official residence. We don’t live here full time, choosing only to stay here when a function is on. That usually turns out to be around four nights a week, and Bentley stays here with us. The security team ferry him from place to place.
I smile to myself. Bentley the most spoilt dog in all of parliament history.
The car door opens, and I step out. “Thank you,” I say to the driver.
I walk up to the front door, and it is opened immediately.
“Good evening, Miss Bennet.” A guard nods.
“Good evening.” I walk through the grand, circular foyer to another two guards that are standing to attention by the door.
They, too, nod in greeting. “Good evening, Miss Bennet.”
“Hello. Where is he?” I ask with a smile.
“In the gymnasium.”
“Thank you.” I take the steps upstairs and walk into our apartment and kick off my heels. I put my handbag down on the side table and see Bentley fast asleep on his bed in front of the fire. I pat his sleepy head.
“Oh, you are so lazy, aren’t you?” I smile. “Are you a lazy boy?” I ask in my best baby voice that I save especially for him.
I glance at my watch. The function doesn’t start for another two hours. I have plenty of time to get ready. I’ll go and see Sebastian.
I walk down the stairs, past the two guards and along a huge corridor. I turn the corner and see another two guards sitting outside the double doors. They startle when they see me and immediately stand.
“Don’t stand on my account.” I smile.
They both dip their heads. “Good evening, Miss Bennet.”
“Hi.” I can hear loud music echoing from inside the gym. “Is he alone?”
“Yes.”
I open the double doors and hear the deep beat of the music playing. I raise my eyebrow.
One of the security guards drops his head to hide his smile. I glance in to see that the light in the room is diluted, lit only by the exit signs over the door. I see Sebastian on the other side of the room, totally engrossed in his chin ups.
I close the door behind me and walk in unnoticed.
The song Goosebumps, The Remix by Travis Scott is playing, and I smile. Sebastian loves this song. He says it reminds him of me when we first used to meet back in the club.
I lean up against the back wall as I watch him, the beat to the music deep and sexy.
Sebastian’s legs are bent at the knee, and he pulls himself up on the bar. His T-shirt is wet.
Up, down, up, down, up, down.
His ass is tight and taught. Mighty fine.
How much strength does it take to do this many chin ups?
He drops to the floor and bends over with his hands resting on his knees. He pants as he rests, and I smile as I watch him.
Hmm….
He motions to reach up again but his shirt must be constricting him. He takes it off and throws it on the floor.
He pulls himself up, and I see every muscle in his back contract. The sheen of perspiration catches the light. Oh.
I feel myself flutter.
I turn and hit repeat on the sound system’s iPad on the wall.
I watch him go up and down, his muscles contracting, with my heart in my throat.
Unable to help it, I step forward. Our eyes lock in the mirror but he keeps going with his chin ups.
The sexy song plays on in the background as I walk over and stand in front of him.
He pulls himself up as I slide my hands up his perspiration-clad body. He eases himself down, and I do the same. His biceps and shoulders are pumping.
Just like my blood.
Our eyes are locked. It’s just him and me.
Hell, he makes me forget how to breathe.
He rises up and down, his dark eyes locked on mine, and I cup his groin. I kiss his stomach, I run my hands up over his rock-hard abs and then lower.
He’s hardened.
I inhale sharply, and he lets go of the bar and jumps down.
In one sharp movement, he has me pinned to the wall, his hand wrapped tightly around my throat.
His mouth moves to my ear. “Did you come in here to feed my cock?” he whispers darkly.
I stare at him. His knee parts my legs, and he pushes his hard erection into me as he bites my ear. “Answer the fucking question.” He growls.
Goosebumps scatter up my arms, and I smile. So appropriate with the song that’s playing. “Yes.”
He slides his hand up my thigh and slips my panties to the side. He inhales sharply when he feels how wet I am. And then, without warning, he impales me with three thick fingers. I whimper into the darkness and glance at the door.
The guards are just outside.
He works me hard as he stares at me. He has the strongest fingers ever…
Fuck.
I grip his damp shoulders and, oh…
In one strong movement, he lifts my legs, spreads them wide with his strong hands, and he pins me to the wall, his cock sliding deep inside my body.
My eyes flutter closed when he bites my neck.
Goosebumps… every time.
He puts his filthy mouth to my ear. “Feed me.”
I text Sebastian.
Where are you? We have to leave.
He replies:
I’m coming. What’s the rush?
I roll my eyes. I told him this ten times already.