“That’s it?” Ana breathes.
“Pretty much.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“It’s over?”
“Yes. It’s been over since I laid eyes on you. I finally realized it that night, and so did she.”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“What for?”
“Being so angry the next day.”
“Baby, I understand angry.”
Angry is my middle name.
I sigh. “You see, Ana, I want you to myself. I don’t want to share you. What we have, I’ve never had before. I want to be the center of your universe, for a while at least.”
“You are,” she objects. “That’s not going to change.”
“Ana,” I whisper gently, with a resigned smile. “That’s just not true. How can it be?”
Tears well in her eyes.
“Shit—don’t cry, Ana. Please, don’t cry.” I lay my hand on her cheek.
“I’m sorry.” Her lip trembles, and I brush my thumb over it as my heart swells.
“No, Ana, no. Don’t be sorry. You’ll have someone else to love as well. And you’re right. That’s how it should be.”
“Blip will love you, too. You’ll be the center of Blip’s—Junior’s world. Children love their parents unconditionally, Christian.”
I feel the blood drain from my face.
“That’s how they come into the world,” Ana continues, her passion clear. “Programmed to love. All babies, even you. Think about that children’s book you liked when you were small. You still wanted your mom. You loved her.”
Ella.
Hey, Maggot. Let’s find your cars.
I’m on the edge of a dark maelstrom.
Teetering over it.
I fist my hand beneath my chin as I gaze at my beautiful wife, floundering for something to say as I fight the current to swim away from the pain. “No,” I whisper.
Ana’s tears spill down her cheeks. “Yes. You did. Of course you did. It wasn’t an option. That’s why you’re so hurt.”
All the air has left the room and my body.
I’m being sucked down.
“That’s why you’re able to love me,” she says. “Forgive her. She had her own world of pain to deal with. She was a shitty mother, and you loved her.”
I’m lost in the vortex. It’s choking me.
Hey, Maggot. Shall we bake a cake?
Mommy smiles and ruffles my hair.
Here you go. Mommy gives me a brush.
She smiles down at me. Mommy is pretty.
She has long hair. She’s singing. Happy.
There you go, Grey.
There were happy times…“I used to brush her hair. She was pretty.”
“One look at you and no one would doubt that.”
“She was a shitty mother.”
Ana nods, her tearful eyes brimming with compassion.
I close my eyes and confess. “I’m scared I’ll be a shitty father.”
Ana’s fingers skim over my face, reassuring me. “Christian, do you think for one minute I’d let you be a shitty father?”
I open my eyes and stare at her.
And there it is…the Anastasia Steele glint.
So aptly named.
My warrior, fighting for me, with me, against me…for our child.
She takes my breath away.
I grin. In awe. “No, I don’t think you would.” I stroke her face. “God, you’re strong, Mrs. Grey. I love you so much.” I kiss her forehead. “I didn’t know I could.”
“Oh, Christian,” she whispers.
“Now, that’s the end of your bedtime story.”
“That’s some story.”
“How’s your head?”
“My head?”
“Does it hurt?”
“No.”
“Good. I think you should sleep now.”
Ana is not convinced.
“Sleep,” I exclaim. “You need it.”
“I have one question,” Ana says.
“Oh? What?”
“Why have you suddenly become all…forthcoming, for want of a better word? You’re telling me all this, when getting information out of you is normally a pretty harrowing and trying experience.”
“It is?”
“You know it is.”
“Why am I being forthcoming? I can’t say. Seeing you practically dead on the cold concrete, maybe.” I flinch, remembering Ana on the ground outside that derelict warehouse where Hyde was holding my sister. It’s traumatic so I turn my thoughts in a happier direction, to Junior. “The fact I’m going to be a father. I don’t know. You said you wanted to know, and I don’t want Elena to come between us. She can’t. She’s the past, and I’ve said that to you so many times.”
“If she hadn’t made a pass at you, would you still be friends?” Ana asks.
“That’s more than one question.”
“Sorry. You don’t have to tell me.” She blushes, and it’s good to see some color in her cheeks. “You’ve already volunteered more than I ever thought you would.”
“No, I don’t think so, but she’s felt like unfinished business since my birthday. She stepped over the line, and I’m done. Please, believe me. I’m not going to see her again. You said she’s a hard limit for you. That’s a term I understand.”
Ana smiles. “Good night, Christian. Thank you for the enlightening bedtime story.” She leans over and touches her lips to mine, her tongue teasing me. My body ignites, and I pull away.
“Don’t. I am desperate to make love to you,” I whisper through my desire.
“Then do.”
“No, you need to rest, and it’s late. Go to sleep.” I switch off the bedside light and we’re surrounded by the darkness.
“I love you unconditionally, Christian,” Ana whispers, as she snuggles up to me.
“I know,” I whisper, bathing in her light.