"He said she can go but must stay close to the hospital," Shirley repeats what the doctor just said.
My finger taps beside my leg. “Is there a phone book anywhere?” I ask Shirley. “That you have around here.” I ignore Quinn’s eyes on me.
"Yes." She nods her head and walks out of the room.
"What else did the doctor say?" Quinn asks, and I look at him, my whole body filling with nerves.
“Nothing. That I can leave but have to stay close to the hospital.” I still don’t make eye contact with him because I don’t trust myself not to shed any tears.
I can feel his eyes on me and all of the things he wants to say, but I can’t pay attention right now. My mouth is dry, my finger can’t stop tapping, and I think my body is going to start to shake any moment, and I can’t show him this. I can’t let anyone know how scared and petrified I am to leave here. I can’t let him see how much I want to stay. I can’t let him see that leaving him will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Shirley comes back in with a phone book in her hand. “It’s been a couple of years, but I think it’s still good."
I smile at her, trying to hide my nervousness. “Thank you so much."
I sit up in bed and open the book. “What are you looking for?" Shirley says. “Maybe I can help."
“Yes,” I say, opening the book to the letter M. My eyes roam the yellow page as I move from one name to another. “How well do you know Mirth Motel?”
“What?” Quinn says in an almost whisper .
I look back into the book to make sure I saw the right name, my hands gripping the book so hard to make sure that no one can see my shaking hands “Mirth Motel.” I try to make sure that my voice doesn’t crack either.
“Oh, dear,” Shirley says under her breath, and I look at her, confused.
"You aren’t going to a motel." His voice comes out tight, and when I look at him, I see that he has his hands at his sides, balled into fists.
I swallow because there is no way I can afford a hotel. At this point, I don’t even think I can spend more than two days in a motel. I’ll let them think I’m staying there and then take off after one day.
I might be slower this time around with only one arm, but by tomorrow, this town will be a distant memory. I swallow down the lump that is the size of a baseball in my throat. "As long as there is a bed and a shower, anything will do," I mumble. I’m looking at the listing in the phone book, but the tears in my eyes make my sight blurry.
"You aren’t going to a motel,” he says again, and I can’t look up. He turns and walks out of the room.
I hear Shirley snicker from beside me, and I look at her. “Honey," she says. “I give you credit for trying to be independent." She shakes her head. “But that man is never going to let you stay in a motel."
"My whole life,” I say. “I’ve had someone tell me where I need to be. I can go where I want to go."
"I get that,” she says, blinking away her own tears. “But your whole life, you’ve never had someone put your needs before theirs." A lone tear escapes. “It’s too late to release you anyway," she says, looking at me. “I know it’s hard. But try to see the good in it."
She turns to walk out of the room, and I look at the yellow pages, wondering if any of them take reservations. My hands start to sweat, and my eyes move on their own to look out into the hallway. Shirley stands beside Quinn, who runs his hands through his hair as she talks to him. I swallow the lump in my throat as I watch him for a second longer than I should. “He feels sorry for you.” I hear my mother’s voice and close my eyes, pushing it away.
“Shirley just said that you’ll be able to leave tomorrow.” Opening my eyes, I look at him. He stands there with his hands in his back pockets, and I take a mental picture of him. Even though I’m certain that if my eyes were blindfolded and they placed him in front of me, I could tell who he is just by touching him.
“That’s the plan,” I tell him, my eyes going back to the yellow pages. The book suddenly feels like it’s a hundred pounds on my lap.
"Willow,” he says my name, and I make the mistake of looking up at him. He’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, which makes him that much more dangerous.
"Quinn,” I say his name and then look out the window at the lone bird flying in the sky. "Just drop it." I look back at him.
"I’ve learned in my family that you have to pick your battles,” he says. “Some are harder to win than others." He laughs. “You’ll see what I mean when you meet them." I want to scream at him to get out of my room. I want to scream at him that I don’t want to meet them. I want to scream at him because I’ve never wanted anything more in my life, and I can’t let myself wish for it.
"You did your duty," I tell him as I look at him. “You did everything you had to do. You found me, and you made sure I was safe." I swallow, trying to think about the words I’m about to say. “There is nothing left for you to do. This is the end of the road. I’m fine." My heart beats so loud it’s surprising no one can hear it.
He just looks at me as we have a staredown in the middle of the room. He doesn’t say a word to me. All he does is stare at me. And just like that, another chapter is closed. "I’m going to walk,” I say, getting out of the bed and walking out of the room.
"Are you going for another walk?" Shirley asks, and I smile at her, hoping that Quinn hasn’t followed me out.
"Just a short one,” I say to her as I walk down the hallway. "Do you like living here, Shirley?" I ask, and she nods.
"I would never live anywhere else,” she says as she walks beside me.
"Why?" I ask, and she looks over at me.
"We jumped from house to house," I tell her. “There was no place we went that I had a chance to settle."
"Oh, honey," she says with her soft eyes, and I have to admit I’m really going to miss her. "You need to plant some roots,” she says. “Make a list of things you want out of your life."
"I can do that." I smile at her sideways and then look back down again.
I make a mental note in my head while we walk in the silence. Someplace where I feel like I’m home, I tell myself. Someplace where I never have to hide. Someplace where I can sit out on a porch and not have to worry that someone will tell me I have to leave.
“I have no doubt you’ll see what is in front of your eyes this whole time,” she says and gives me a hug. “I have faith.”
I don’t say anything else to her, and when I walk back into the room, Quinn is in the chair, his eyes on his phone as he types away. “Are you tired?"
"A little,” I say, slipping into the bed, and no matter how much I fight it, my eyes give out, and I fall asleep. I wake a couple of times during the night, and every single time I look over at him, he is standing looking outside. He’ll be fine, my inner voice tells me. Everything is going to be fine. I close my eyes again, but I don’t fall back asleep for a long time.
I miss the morning sunrise, and when I open my eyes, he’s in the same spot, but he has a coffee cup in his hand from the vending machine. "Morning," I say to him as I blink away the sleep. He turns around, and I can tell that he’s been up all night.