“With me,” I promised, holding her close to me as I comforted her the way our parents should’ve. “You’ll come stay with me in the dorms. Then, when the time is right, we’ll get an apartment together. Don’t worry, Sammie. You’re not alone in this. You’re never going to be alone in this.”
She didn’t reply, because her tears were too consuming. Her body shook as I walked her to her childhood bedroom to gather the essentials that we’d take away with us. I packed her bags for her, because she was too much in a state of shock to do much of anything.
When I was finished packing up her things, I walked her to the car and placed her in the passenger seat. “I’m just going to get your last bag. I’ll be right back,” I told her.
She didn’t reply as she stared forward into the darkening sky before us.
I walked back inside the four walls that had witnessed me grow up and paused at the front door when I saw Mama pulling the suitcase to the front door. She had a scowl sitting against her lips that made her appear ten years older than her actual age.
“Here,” she said, shoving the suitcase my way.
I didn’t say a word, because I knew if I spoke to my mother, nothing decent would fall from my lips. I was standing before a woman who had no love inside her heart. I knew it was pointless to try to argue with her.
“You did this to her, you know,” Mama stated, making me turn back to face her.
“Excuse me?”
“You did this. You were always a bad example to your sister. You were always the troubled child, and she had to watch you grow up. Your sins infected her.”
I narrowed my eyes, baffled by her words. “I’m sorry—are you somehow finding a way to blame me for Sammie being pregnant?”
“If the shoe fits. If it weren’t for you, she wouldn’t have even known about these kinds of things.”
I laughed. “You mean parties? Sorry, Mother, I’m pretty sure she would’ve found out about parties with or without me.”
“Your sins are what led her here. You did this. I bet whatever outfit she wore that night she found in your closet.”
My jaw slacked opened as shock skyrocketed through my system. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“If she was showing off her body in a provocative way, that would make boys—”
“What is the matter with you?” I snapped, cutting her off. I couldn’t take any more of listening to Mama’s radical beliefs. Was she victim-shaming? Was she blaming my sister for the horrific act that had happened to her body? That had happened to her soul?
How dare she.
“The truth is, Sammie could’ve walked into that house party completely butt naked, and it still wouldn’t have given that animal enough reason to put his hands on her. He raped her, Mama. A disgusting boy took advantage of my sister, and he raped her body. He raped her heart. And somehow you are saying she’s to blame for the acts that happened to her, due to her outfit? Are you insane?”
“It wasn’t only her outfit. She put herself in that situation by showing up to a party. She made herself prey. If she didn’t—”
“If she didn’t what? Exist? Would you rather her live in a bubble? Would you rather she wore a potato bag? You are fucking insane and—”
Slap.
Mama’s palm flew across my cheek, making me stumble backward. My heart raced in my chest as shock filled me up inside. Even though my mother was cruel, she’d never laid a hand on me. She’d never crossed that line until that very moment.
“Mama,” I choked out as tears formed in my eyes.
“Don’t come to my house cussing like you ain’t got no sense. How dare you, Emery. This is a house of God.”
She was batshit crazy. Delusional to the truths that surrounded her.
“I hope I never see you again,” I whispered before walking away with my hand still on my stinging cheek. I couldn’t listen to her anymore. Hell, I couldn’t look at her. Besides, Sammie needed me. I didn’t have time to deal with my abusive mother.
We drove back to California, and the ride was completely silent, because I didn’t have the right words to give to my sister. It was late into the night once we arrived at my dorm, and Sammie refused to eat anything. I skipped dinner too. We were close in that way—when her stomach was in knots, my stomach ached too.
We lay in the small twin-size bed beside one another, staring at the ceiling and not speaking a word. I reached for my cell phone and headphones and handed one of the earbuds to Sammie as I placed the other in my ear. Without question, I began playing Alex & Oliver’s first album, the one that had gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life. Alex and Oliver Smith’s voices had a way of healing through the headphones. Their words fixed parts of my soul that I hadn’t even known were broken.
We still weren’t speaking, but tears were rolling down Sammie’s cheeks as her eyes remained closed and the powerful duo soothed her.
She fell asleep in my arms, but I couldn’t do the same. Not after learning what had happened to my innocent little sister. Sammie’s breaths fell from between her slightly parted lips. I studied the swollen bags sitting beneath her eyes from crying.
In that moment, I promised myself I’d never abandon her like our parents had done.
I’d be by her side throughout every storm, no matter what.
24
EMERY
Present Day
I’d never shared the truth about Reese with anyone, outside of Abigail. My chest felt as if it were on fire as I told Oliver all the history of what went down with Sammie. He listened closely, without any judgment in his eyes.
When I grew emotional talking about it, when I needed comfort, he gave it to me, wrapping me in his hold. He felt like the safest place I could reside in that very moment.
“Sammie hasn’t been the same since she left. We talk every now and again, but I know it’s different. She went off to find herself, and I can’t even blame her for that. I’d want to escape too. But I hate it. I hate that when I need her, she closes herself off. Then, like today, she reaches out to me as if nothing’s happened at all. As if I’m just supposed to pretend that everything is dandy when it isn’t. I hate it.”
“That’s a lot on your shoulders.”
“I’m okay,” I said with a smile, wiping my face. “Gosh, I did not expect to end up crying so much tonight.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“It’s probably all the wine. Speaking of, I should probably get some sleep before I tell you my whole life story.” I stood up from the ground, and Oliver followed after me.
“I’ll walk you to your bedroom,” he offered.
I nodded, not wanting to pass up the offer. When we reached the room, I paused and turned his way. “Reese doesn’t know about me not being her biological mother. So, if you can keep everything between us . . .”
“Your secrets are safe with me, Emery.”
His words soothed the aching parts of me.
He slid his hands into his pockets and gave me a slight frown. “Are you okay?”
I should’ve lied, but that wasn’t something we seemed to do with one another. “No.”