Until her.
Until she chose to call me that, cleansing it with her voice.
Until she baptized that name with her candy lips and gave it a new life.
“How did you know?”
The question is out before I can stop it and now it hangs in the air like a time bomb. The one that I feel lives in my chest these days.
“How did I know what?”
You’d give up your fucking soul for that girl. Your father knew that.
I look at the man I’ve hated all my life, the one who brought me into this world, whose face looks like mine and who’s taught me everything I know, every cruel, mean, bad thing I know.
“How did you know I’d do it? I’d do everything. For her.”
My father stares back at me, his gray eyes hard. “I didn’t. I took a shot. I didn’t even think it was going to work. Because for all your tantrums, you’re exactly like me. You never cared for anything, much less a girl. But then she goes and steals your car, the car that you love so much, and you do nothing. Not a single thing. Made me curious, but again, I wasn’t sure it was gonna pan out. But it did. When you barged into my office that night, begging me to let her go. That’s when I knew. That’s when I knew that my son is a pussy. He’s a pathetic, weak, lovesick pussy. But I underestimated her charms, didn’t I? Because apparently, you’re still a pathetic, weak, lovesick pussy. Now get the fuck out of my office.”
Love.
There’s that word again.
The time bomb that I think lives in my chest starts ticking again. It starts ticking and ticking but then my father breaks into my panicked thoughts.
“Actually, take this with you.”
He opens the desk drawer and retrieves a file.
He throws it on the desk and it skates over to me; I don’t look at it though. I’m staring at him, waiting for him to speak.
He tips his chin to the file. “There’s a piece of land I’ve got my eye on for a long time. I’ve let it be for some reason. I guess I was saving it for the right opportunity and now I want you to get it for me.”
I look at the file then.
I reach out and open it and the terror that I’ve been feeling turns into anger.
It turns into fury. Violence and outrage.
So much of it.
But at the heel of it comes despair. Frustration, helplessness. This is exactly how I felt on the day of the championship game. When I broke her heart.
When I had to break her heart because my father left me no choice with his demands. With his threats.
Because it was a war and I had no choice but to fight it and win.
That’s exactly how I feel when I see the name of Pete’s garage on the top of the page.
“You want me to get it for you,” I say in a low voice.
“Yes. Now the man who owns this has been hesitant. We’ve given him plenty of opportunities to come around but people can be stupid, sentimental. I’m sure you could relate.” He chuckles. “So now you’re going to do your thing and take it from him.”
My heart is beating in my ears, in my teeth.
I exhale a long breath, a long shaky, terror filled, helpless breath. Because he wants me to do what I always do, destroy people.
This time however, the person he’s chosen for me to destroy is Pete.
My father wants me to take something from Pete that he’s built with his own hands, that is his entire life’s work.
“Is there a problem?” he asks.
“No.”
“Good boy. Get the fuck out.”
I pick up the file from the desk because I’m going to do it.
I’m going to destroy Pete and serve him on a platter to my dad. Because I’ll do anything for her.
I’m going to talk to his dad.
I decided that right after we got back from Pete’s.
Reed loves Pete’s garage. He loves cars. He loves working there and he should.
He should be able to do that.
I know he doesn’t want me to interfere. He doesn’t want me to go anywhere near his dad and well, rightfully so. The man must hate me for what I did to his son’s car. But it was two years ago and I’m not going to ask his dad to forget it. I’m only going to ask Mr. Jackson to let his son go.
To punish me instead.
I’m not stupid though. I know his dad is not a good man. I mean, look at what he forced Reed to do in exchange for my freedom. Plus Tempest has told me often enough about how crappy their dad is.
But I have to talk to him. I have to convince him somehow.
I can’t stand by and watch Reed work in a place that he hates.
I’ve decided that this is going to be my gift to him: his dream. I can’t tell him I love him because I’ve already made him that stupid promise but I can give him this.
Like he gave me my dream.
And yeah, I’m miserable about it because it will take me away from him, but still.
So I make a plan with my girls at the school library; it’s Sunday and I’m studying for finals. Or at least, I should be, but I’m planning and I’m nervous.
And the girls are not helping.
They don’t want me to talk to his dad because of what he did to me.
They think he’s dangerous and maybe I should talk to Reed first and then figure out a plan. But I tell them that I’ve tried. I’ve been trying for months but he doesn’t say anything and I’m getting impatient.
“I love him, okay?” I say, looking at all three of them before fixing my eyes on Salem. “Wouldn’t you do the same for him? For Arrow.”
Her golden eyes fill with sympathy and also determination on my behalf. “I’d do anything for him.”
And so it’s decided.
Not that they were going to change my mind but still.
But there’s one thing that I think is a bad sign. Halo is restless.
She’s been kicking and moving and making a ruckus inside my womb ever since Reed dropped me off at the library. And she’s yet to calm down. I rub my belly, rock my body in the chair, take a walk around the library – which is not a hardship because I have to get up to pee every five minutes anyway; stupid bladder – but to no avail.
By the time I’m done, I’ve had it with her.
But then as soon as I see Reed, she quiets down.
She goes back to sleep and oh God, I’m so relieved. I’m so relieved to see him that I can’t stop my smile as I walk through the black metal gates to meet him.
“Hi,” I say, smiling. “Oh, I’m so glad to see you.”
His frown is immediate. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened,” I tell him, rolling my eyes, before grabbing his hand and putting it on my belly. “Halo was being such a brat, Roman. All day. And look, now that you’re here she’s fine. I don’t like that she’s chosen teams.”
I was expecting a chuckle. Or if not that then at least a small smile.
But he doesn’t give me any of that.