Lucas didn't respond for a long moment, then he leaned down and kissed me softly. "I understand," he whispered, even though he really, truly didn't. No one did. Except maybe Zed... because he'd seen the tapes.
A deep shudder ran through me, the memories creeping through my mind like wet tar as I fought against curling into a fetal position and crying.
"I would give anything in this world to chase those demons out of your eyes, Hayden," Lucas told me in a soft, deeply sincere voice as he kissed my cheek. "Literally anything. A threesome would be the least of what I'd do."
I tilted my head, bringing my lips to his for a soft kiss, desperately trying to show him how much he meant to me with just my kiss alone. But it wasn't enough. It'd never be enough because being with Lucas gave me hope... that I wasn't irreparably damaged. That those horrific, nauseating memories could be erased and replaced with good ones. And he was making it his mission to help me do that.
"I love you, Lucas," I whispered, the unshed tears thick in my voice.
His lips parted mine, and he kissed me with all the intensity and passion of a storm, making my emotions build to the point of painful inside my chest. Then he soothed it all away with gentle strokes of his tongue that reminded me of his promise so fucking early in our relationship.
He was the lighthouse in the storm. He was my safe place. My saving grace.
15
I had no idea what time it was when Zed woke us up by slamming the door open and barking that he had the test results. But the second his words registered, I sat bolt upright, all residue of sleep fleeing my brain in an instant.
"What happened?" I demanded, alarmed enough that I forgot I was naked. Until Zed's eyes rounded and his gaze seemed to become laser-targeted to my nipples, that was. I drew a sharp breath, grabbing for the sheet as Zed gave a pained grimace.
"Test results?" Lucas prompted with a heavy yawn. He had barely even moved, his cheek still pressed into the pillow with his face toward me. His bare back showed a multitude of red marks from my fingernails, and I caught the way Zed's eyes narrowed as he took that all in.
Then Zed's attention jerked back to me, and his expression shuttered. "Yeah, genetic results all came back, and they found a positive familial link."
That... was not what I'd been expecting. My heart thumped hard against my chest wall, and even Lucas sat up slightly to squint at Zed.
"Who?" The one-word question left Lucas's lips with dread.
Zed held my gaze steadily, then shifted his eyes to Lucas and back to me again. Then he gave a small, apologetic shrug.
My guts twisted, and a cold sweat broke out all over my body. "No fucking way," I said in a choked whisper. "No."
Lucas, confused, frowned at me with his lips parted in question. Then my panicked expression must have clicked the thoughts together for him, and he gasped in horror and damn near leapt out of the bed.
"Zayden De Rosa," I barked, giving my best friend a hard glare. There was something off about his posture... or maybe that was just wishful thinking because I badly, desperately didn't want to find out I'd been fucking my biological brother. Oh fuck. I was going to throw up.
"What?" Zed replied, tilting his head to the side.
Lucas was already in his pants and stalking across to Zed. He snatched the paperwork out of Zed's hand—I hadn't even seen that there—and ran his eyes over the page.
His shoulders sagged as he let out a long sigh of relief, then his fist snapped out and clocked Zed in the face.
"Not fucking funny!" Lucas snarled as Zed recoiled.
I sprang out of bed, abandoning my sheet and modesty in favor of saving Lucas if Zed chose to strike back, but the shithead was just laughing as he cupped his eye.
"Oh, come on," Zed groaned, a devilish grin plastered over his lips. "That was hilarious."
Lucas wasn't laughing. He was enraged, and I was pretty sure he wanted to hit Zed again, so I got in front of him and gave him a solid push toward the door. "Take a minute, Lucas," I told him in a calm, firm voice. "I'll deal with this."
Fury held his jaw tight and his eyes narrow, but he jerked his head in understanding and left the room as instructed. Which left me alone with a grinning idiot.
"You're a bastard, Zayden De Rosa," I whispered on a long exhale. The adrenaline that had hit me so suddenly when I thought Lucas and I were truly siblings had drained away, leaving me trembling and cold.
He didn't even try and wipe the smile off his face as he stepped closer to me. "Aw, come on, you'd have done the same thing if you saw the opportunity."
My jaw dropped at the accusation. "Fuck no, I wouldn't have! Zed, you made us think we'd been..." I shook my head, a deep shudder running through me. "You're a bastard," I reiterated.
He reached out a hand, grasping my waist and pulled me a step closer to him. Fuck. I was still totally naked, and his gaze was suddenly so hot it was like looking into the sun.
"That's not exactly news, Dare." His face dipped, his nose brushing a teasing line down the side of my neck that made my nipples tighten painfully and my body sway into his.
I swallowed, fighting for some brain power. "I thought you didn't like the look in my eyes when we're together." Oh wow. If there was any question whether I was attracted to Zed, the raw sex and longing in my voice would have sealed the deal.
He straightened up enough to meet my eyes as one of his hands cupped the back of my neck and his thumb tilted my chin up. "I don’t," he agreed. "But you know what I hate more?"
I had a fair idea, yes. But for the sake of flirty banter, I played the game. "What?"
"I hate not being able to touch you." The pain in his eyes was almost enough to make me crumple. But it wasn't as simple as just my own stubborn bullheadedness holding me back. It was all my shitty, toxic baggage.
So I forced a lighter tone as I replied. "You're touching me right now, Zed."
My attempt at a joke fell flat as his gaze hardened. "Not the way I want to touch you, Dare. Not the way I've been... Fuck. Not the way I've been literally dreaming about for goddamn years."
I bit the inside of my cheek, totally at war with myself on what to do next. But even as strictly disciplined as I kept my emotions, my tongue was one thing I couldn't seem to control around Zed. Not when he looked at me the way he was.
"So show me," I told him in a low whisper. "Show me how you really want to touch me, Zed."
He drew a shuddering breath, his eyes flashing with uncertainty like he was questioning whether he'd imagined that request.
So I said it again, despite the fear gnawing at my stomach. "Show me, Zed, or quit your fucking moping."
That snapped something in him. One second we were standing in the middle of the room, and the next I was against the wall with the light switch digging into my bare back. Zed kissed me with savage intensity, his thrusting tongue parting my lips and destroying my soul. I melted under his touch, my body curving into his like we were magnetized, and heat flushed through my lips as his hands explored my body.
He paused when his fingers brushed over my inner thigh, though, like he was second-guessing how far my challenge really extended.