"I might... leave you guys to have this out," Lucas said from my doorway, looking way too fucking entertained about Zed being in trouble.
"Good," Zed snapped, and I glared death at him.
"Stay," I barked, contradicting Zed. "Zed needs a reality slap."
My second gaped at me like he was actually offended by that statement. Like he didn't know full fucking well he had it coming. "I need a reality slap?" he repeated in disbelief. "For fucking what?"
"For this," I replied, poking him in the chest, which was most definitely puffed out. Fuck me, what had I been thinking, getting involved with multiple men? Worse yet, multiple men who all suffered a severe case of overconfidence and didn't play well with others. Who said women didn't think with their dicks? Because that was the only logical explanation here.
"This isn't going to work between us, Zed," I told him in a marginally calmer voice. "This... thing we have. It's too much. It's all-encompassing, and I can't give you what you want."
Pain flashed across his face, and his brow dipped in a frown. In the corner of my eye, I caught the flash of movement as Lucas disappeared, no doubt trying to give us privacy to work through our shit.
"Don't," Zed uttered with dread. "Don't fucking do this now. Not now. You said that you love me."
I swallowed back the scream in my throat. "I do. But I also love Lucas. And Cass. And you're not okay with that, I can see it all over your face. The last thing I ever want to do is force you into a situation you're not comfortable with. But..."
The frown on Zed's face dipped lower. "But you won't choose me over them. So you're pushing me away now, thinking it won't completely rip my soul to shreds because... what? Because we only fucked a dozen times?"
Shit. I hadn't thought this through at all. Of course I couldn't do that to him or to me.
Spinning away, I raked my hands through my wet hair, grabbing onto the strands with frustration. "I don't fucking know what to do here, Zed," I admitted. "How is this meant to work? You can't honestly say you're okay with me being with Lucas and Cass now that we're together. Lucas has already told me how insanely jealous he gets when I'm... And then there's Cass, and he's..." My thoughts were all tripping over each other, so I trailed off in a small, exasperated scream.
Zed's arms came around me from behind, hugging me to his chest as he kissed my shoulder, soothing the raging storm of emotions erupting within me.
"Dare, baby," he murmured. "Just take a breath. I know this isn't ideal, but I fucking swear to you I'm okay with this. I'm okay with them. They make you happy like I've never seen you before. I wasn't able to do that for you. It wasn't until Gumdrop came along that the light went back on in your eyes, and I couldn't be more grateful to him for that."
My heart thumped hard against my chest, aching, but his words calmed me. I sighed, leaning my head back against his chest. "You're okay with it?" I repeated, skeptical as hell.
Zed huffed a small laugh. "Maybe that's an exaggeration. But if sharing you with them means I get you... then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I can work through my jealousy shit. Sounds like Lucas might need to as well."
My lips curled into a wry smile as he kissed my neck again, his lips hot against my damp skin. "I want so badly to believe you, Zed," I whispered, my voice hoarse. Of the three of them, he was the one I could least see accepting the polyamorous lifestyle. He was too controlled. Cass had the growly alpha-male shit going, but he was a hell of a lot more relaxed when it came to sex.
"Let me prove it to you," Zed murmured back. "Please. Let me show you that I can play nice, given the right motivation."
Turning around in his embrace, I placed a hand on his cheek and gave him a soft smile. "Zed..." I already felt like the worst kind of asshole for blowing up on this topic so soon after we’d crossed the line into relationship territory. I'd just hit the gas and sent us from zero to a hundred in three seconds flat.
"Please," he whispered again, kissing my palm. "At least let me try."
Shit. How could I say no? Especially when that was what I so desperately wanted. Needed. If Zed was willing to try, who was I to push back?
Licking my broken, throbbing lower lip, I drew a deep inhale through my nose, nervousness making me feel lightheaded and stupid. Indicating for him to follow, I left my room and padded softly down the carpeted corridor to Lucas's room.
His door was open, but he was lying on his bed with headphones on and his eyes shut. As I drew closer, I could hear the steady beat of music from his headphones, and I smiled. He'd been so determined to give us privacy that he was drowning out our voices... also probably not wanting to hear it if things turned sexual.
I paused right next to the bed, and his thick lashes fluttered open. For a second, he looked confused, then he tugged his headphones off and sat up.
"Hey, is everything okay?" he asked, concern rippling through his expression as he looked from me—still in my towel—to Zed, who loomed in the doorway like a storm cloud.
I bit my lip, already losing my nerve, then instantly regretted that movement because it hurt. "Yeah. Yes. I just..." I cringed, screwing up my nose and hating how awkward this was making me feel. "Zed wants to prove a point."
Lucas took a moment, then understanding dawned and a grin tugged at his lips. "Shit. This is going to end up with me getting punched, isn't it?"
I groaned. "I really hope not."
Leaning back on his hands, he gave a short laugh. His gaze flicked over Zed, then returned to me filled with mischief. "I'm game."
My breath hissed from between my teeth, and I winced. "This is such a bad idea." But I still leaned down and brought my lips to Lucas's in a tentative kiss. My back prickled with the knowledge of Zed standing there watching. I'd kissed Lucas and Cass plenty of times in front of him, but this was different. So freaking different.
Lucas kissed me back skillfully, but kept his hands braced against the mattress behind him, allowing me to take control and set the pace.
After a few moments, paranoia made me pull away and glance over at Zed for a reaction. His expression was shuttered, his jaw tight as he folded his arms and leaned his shoulder into the doorframe. When I met his eyes, he just cocked a brow as if to say, see? Totally fine.
Lucas must have seen it, too, because he snorted a laugh and the next thing I knew, his hands were under my towel as he pulled me to straddle his lap. I gave a small gasp as his lips captured mine once more, the sting of my injury still hot and fresh, then moaned into his kiss as he devoured my mouth. His strong hands held me tight against him, grinding me down on his hard dick and making me quiver in response.
I knew what he was doing. He was putting on a show to really push Zed's control. I didn't think either of us really expected Zed to let us get far, but Lucas sure as shit wasn't backing down from the challenge. With a quick tug, my towel dropped away, and I caught the sound of Zed's sharp inhale.
Any minute now, he would snap and rip me away from Lucas, I was sure. Not that I wanted him to, it was just inevitable. Right?
Lucas's kisses moved down my neck as his hands moved to my breasts, his fingers tweaking my nipples. I arched my back, pushing into his hands with a gasp, and he gave a soft chuckle against my neck as he bit me gently. I got the distinct impression he was laughing at Zed, not me, but I had officially tossed caution to the wind.