“Well, of course, they both could be mad at you,” she said. “That’s how the world runs.”
“It doesn’t have to,” she said. “Besides, they both know, and they’re both coming over for barbecue tomorrow.”
“Where’s Jeremy now?”
Rolling her eyes, she quickly rephrased her answer. “Jeremy’s staying over at Frank’s house for the night.”
“Ah,” she said, “well, I guess that makes sense. I sure hope you know what you’re doing,” she said in a warning tone.
“I don’t know what I’m doing from one day to the next,” she said, “but I’m trying to do the best I can. A boy’s life and his whole future is ahead of him, and I don’t really want to keep him separated from his father if there’s no reason to. Plus, there’s a very decent man who didn’t know he even had a child.”
“He was hardly a decent man,” her sister said in exasperation.
“Maybe he’s also different now,” she said.
“Uh-oh.” Her sister went quiet for a long moment, and then she said, in a resigned voice, “There’s absolutely nothing I can do or say that’ll stop this from happening, is there?”
“No,” she said, “there really isn’t.”
“In that case, I’ll get off the phone and try to ignore what’s going on this weekend,” she said. “Just remember who was there for you a long time ago.”
“I won’t forget,” she said with a sudden insight into maybe why her sister was so against Laurie Ann having Kurt back in her life. “You’re the only one who was there for me,” she said. “Believe me. I will always remember that. And I’m so damn grateful. I wouldn’t be where I am without you, Sally.”
“Fine!” her sister said. “I know. I know.” She hesitated. “And I don’t mean to keep bringing it up. I’m just worried.”
“And I love you for that too,” Laurie Ann said, “because I know that the fear and the worry on your part is all about what might happen, and you’re worried about me. But I’m not a child anymore. I’m not a young adult. I am somebody who has a much better understanding of life.”
“Maybe,” she said, “but don’t forget it’s still pretty easy to get taken in when we really want to believe in something.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “But, if you gave Kurt a chance, I think you’d really like him.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t forgive the past as easily as you.”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” she said, “except that he has to forgive me.”
“What are you talking about? He’s the one who left you pregnant.”
“I knew before he left,” she said. “I didn’t tell him. He has a lot to forgive too.” And, with that, she hung up on her sister.
Laurie Ann sat here for a long moment, wondering if her sister would call her back. When she didn’t, Laurie Ann slowly blew out her pent-up breath and stood and walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. A lot of forgiveness was required on all sides. But it had to start somewhere, and she was willing to take that first step and to acknowledge all the things that she’d done wrong. She had come a long way herself, and, damn, so had Kurt. She still admired and liked him. He was somebody she could also respect and could see he had done a ton of work on himself.
It was hard not to feel that pull, particularly when she already knew how great things had been between them. He was a hell of a man. But that also didn’t mean he would stay this time around, and she didn’t want to end up pregnant again when he left. That wasn’t in the cards. As much as she would love to have more children, she wouldn’t do it alone a second time.
And neither could she call on her sister for help anymore. That was pushing things. Some people understood and were there when trouble came, but not everybody was willing to see that repeated all over again. She’d often wondered about going to a sperm bank for a second child, but she’d held back because it just hadn’t been the right time, particularly when she was going through school. Now that she was better established, it might be possible to stay home with a child although the student loans were still an issue.
She could certainly forgo one of the clinics, at least temporarily. But she didn’t want to go through motherhood all alone again. It had been lonely back then. It had been scary, and she really hated not having somebody to hold her, to talk to. Besides, going through that with a true partner who was just as invested in the child’s health and wellness and care as she was would be something very special. She’d lost out on all that with her first pregnancy.
Her sister had been there as much as she could—physically, monetarily—but, not having had children herself and not having any interest in having children, Sally had found it very difficult emotionally to understand why Laurie Ann wanted to go through with her pregnancy. Yet Sally had accepted a pregnant unwed Laurie Ann into her home and had helped raise Jeremy. That’s what counted. And Laurie Ann had to remember that.
You don’t turn your back on people because they don’t like your decisions. You must remember what people have done for you in the past as well. It didn’t mean that Laurie Ann had to kowtow to her sister’s opinion, but Laurie Ann did have to remember to have some generosity toward that mind-set because now she understood where it was coming from.
Sally was scared of losing Laurie Ann’s and Jeremy’s love to another: Kurt.
For the longest time, the only people in Sally’s life had been Laurie Ann and Jeremy. And Sally was probably scared that their newfound relationships with Kurt—as Laurie Ann’s boyfriend, as Jeremy’s father—would now change the family dynamics. And no way it couldn’t. But that didn’t mean it had to necessarily change in a negative way.
It was also quite possible that, if Sally opened her heart, Kurt would be more than welcome to let her remain as a strong and active member of the family. At that, Laurie Ann brought herself up cold. “Good Lord, what the hell am I doing? I’m already laying the groundwork for Kurt being a permanent part of my life.”
And then she realized that Kurt might become a permanent part of Jeremy’s life, as his father, but that didn’t automatically mean Kurt would become a permanent part of her life. Confused, disoriented, and all of a sudden a little more worried than she expected to be, she took her tea and sat on the deck. Because now memories of divorced friends surfaced. Oh my, it’s been such a nightmare. I hate when the kids are at their dad’s for the weekend and came home, completely wild on sugar and hating me from all the things that he’d said about me.
She didn’t even want to think about things like that, but, now that she had gone down that pathway, she kept remembering more horrible things her divorced friends had talked about. Things that Laurie Ann hadn’t had to deal with at all and now didn’t want to either. She couldn’t imagine Kurt trying in any way, shape, or form to push Jeremy away from her, but she did acknowledge that the two would want to spend time together—without her. And that was disconcerting to say the least. She’d always been heavily involved in Jeremy’s life. She didn’t know how she felt about being the one left out now. She knew it was probably necessary for the guys to build a relationship, but having to let go after all this time? … Ouch.